So When is Brilliance Gonna Hit????

I keep wanting to write something profound. Something meaningful. Something truly brilliant.
Then I sit here and start writing....about the most profound thing that comes to mind is how unprofound I have become.
Is it part of middle age that causes things to lose their intensity?
Part of my brain remembers life as full of sharp, poignant, intense feelings. About almost everything....Especially around 2-3 A.M. The demons of the night were regular visitors to my psyche....now I want to be asleep, sound asleep, at 2-3 A.M.....and about two hours before that, and for several hours after that.....don't mess with my sleep!!!!!
There was a time, when several of the boys were partying alot, and carousing more than they should, that I dreaded going to sleep at night...because I knew, sooner or later, the phone was going to ring....if it was a collect call I was okay...I knew that one, or more, of them was in the drunk tank for something stupid....but every now and then it was the police or the hospital...and my heart would wrench and fear would take over me...all in an instant....then, thank the gods....whomever it was would tell me one of them had done something stupid and would I come get whomever it was.....
The last few times that happened I said "NO. I'll get so 'n so in the morning." Poor David, he was the last...he really got short shifted in the 'compassion from Mom' department....the older ones had used it all up....
This past Christmas a bunch of them all got picked up for public intoxication at once...I think it was six of them.....and no one called me...it was so weird....sometime in the morning I realized that the house was quiet...just the two grand daughters running around...Christine, my daughter-in-law, was still asleep...but none of the 'boys' were around...I thought that they had ended up at some party and stayed rather than drive intoxicated...Stupid me!!!
Sometime around 11 that morning I had a call from one of their friends and she asked me if I was going to go out to Snydersville.....even then it didn't hit me...(Snydersville is where our local jail is)....so I asked "What for?"...it was then that the friend said they were all in jail!!!!
At least they have finally figured out that it is not a good idea to call me about bull shit....
We had to go in two cars to get them......and I lectured the entire ride home.....that was fun....

I deal with the 'profound' all the time....lives torn apart by a public service system that is broken....kids being abused by a public education system ill equipped to handle youngsters with challenges...families at the end of their rope.....
I guess my brain just turns to mush when the life drama takes a break....

I found my way onto someone's blog earlier today...you know how one thing leads to another...This was a name I didn't recognize on a blog I often post to...so I clicked, and clicked, and before you knew it, I was reading his blog entries from ten years ago....he had three of his four children die, all in unrelated events, over a three year period...it was horrific...and I found myself sitting here, crying and crying...such a rush of forlorn, abject sadness....not just for the man whose life I had been peeking into...but for everything...my losses....the losses of people I don't know....for all the "if only's"...and "I wish...".......
Guess that will teach me about wandering around cyberspace being a voyeur.....well, it should teach me...but it probably won't....