Potential Daughter-in-Law???....or Another Barbie????

Well...he brought her home....Josh....brought his girl-friend from Florida home...Wow!!!
We finally got to meet the famous Tai....
From my perspective, the jury is still out...and may stay out for awhile...
I mean she seems nice enough...and she's very pretty...her pics do not do her justice...
but there is somthing not sitting right with me...maybe it's that she was nervous....or maybe she just has never had the opportunity to learn good manners...
And god knows I'm a stickler for manners....
And there was very subtle, but oh so definite, clinginess to Josh....
But it's the rudeness I can't abide.....she just gets up and walks away if she doesn't like what is being said...just up and goes...not a how-di-doo..not a fuck you all to hell...nothing....
And I had cooked all sorts of healthy foods and cleaned and yada, yada...and not a thank you to be had...from either one of them....
Portabella mushrooms stuffed with sweet onions, roasted red peppers and topped with smoked edam cheese
Baby spinach salad, black olives, freshly grated parmesean and fresh mozarella cheese
kabobs with fresh tuna, peppers, red onions, cherry tomatoes..
Pasta salad with large shrimp, black olives, and brocolli
potatoe salad
all sorts of tappas...
seven layer dip with fancy tortilla chips...
veggie platter with dip.....
two different kinds of hummus....

Anyway....I'm not sure...then there was this morning's 'bit'....Josh and Tai had planned a day trip to the Bronx Zoo......wonderful!!!....and I didn't think twice about it...till Josh called and asked David if he wanted to go....I was still on the downstairs extension so I said "I want to go"....I guess Josh was on speaker phone on his end...I could hear Tai in the background saying, quietly...'no, no, no...'...so Josh says it's a trip for under-thirty folks, only....

Oh well....Laurie and Mike asked me to join them taking Ethan to a local restoration farm for "Baby Animal Day"....I might do that....I never, ever go anywhere...Fred never wants to go...and I defer to him because I don't want to go places alone...
We used to take day trips all of the time...but now we have the dogs on this horrible schedule...and no one to fill in for us because Jake is so vicious...David is the only other person besides Fred and I who can handle him....

We have to find a really good animal behaviorist to help us. We are both good with training dogs...but Jake is beyond us...he's a story for another time...like so many...but suffice it to say that Aussie Rescue did a really poor job assessing him before allowing him to be adopted....
So we feel stuck...no one else could take him as he is...and we both love him...he's bright and smart and really loving to Fred and I...but he'll eat anything else alive...people, other dogs, cats....
So he lives in his crate a big part of the day...he can only be out alone..and even then, unless one of us is right there with him, he's muzzled....

So...can't go anywhere for more than one or two hours at a time....unless I go alone...

Well...this has been quite the self-pity party...better end this before I go whole-hog into feeling sorry for myself...

Family Group Decision Making

FGDM is really important stuff...it is one of the only ways to assure a viable, authentic voice for parents ensnared in this web.....
Every atty should be asking for this...I read somewhere that a "permanancy plan and review" has to be held within the first 45 days of placement...so folks should be asking for this and documenting their request....
well, I'm trying to figure out how to embed a link in a blog post....
Someday.....but maybe not today, I'm going to get good at this blogging stuff....

Having One's Identity Challenged Is Tough

Some twit, on some blog, keeps asserting that I don't know what I am saying and that I am, at best, a rookie.....
She doesn't use those descriptors, but that's what she implies....She challenges me in very dismissive and demeaning ways.....And I bite....
I get pissed, and defensive...and I know I shouldn't.....
Thing is, I'm really good at what I do....one of the best.....
Hell, there are so many things I can't do...that I wish I could do...so many things I've tried and failed at...or had only marginal success....but family advocacy is my baliwick...I am good at it!
I know the laws and regulations and people involved....I spend lots of energy clearing away the 'ca-ca' and finding the crux of issues...I see the big picture....I see how the parts fit....
And I present good, solid reasoning 'at the table'.....

I know my ego isn't so fragile that I should take an attack from some venemous, anonymous blogger seriously.....so why do I feel so defensive??????....why do I feel some compelling reason to justify who I am, what I do, and that I do it well to a group of people I do not know, have nothing to do with me personally, or professionally, and don't give a tinker's damn about any of this crap?????

I think I am getting too, too upset about all that is happening in Texas and with the FLDS, in general....My heart is being torn over a group of people three thousand miles from here and there are plenty of folks in my own backyard who need my energies.....

I get on the blogs and phrases come to mind like "We're not in Kansas, anymore..."
The one thing it has done is help me put in perspective, once again, how much better Pa. is than a great number of other places....Lord knows we have our problems.....we have a long way to go...but we are moving in the right direction...sometimes the 'crisis of the moment' makes one forget how far we've come....but this Texas mess brings it home!!!!!!!!

It's scary to think that there are folks who actually believe what they are doing is a good thing....
I can't believe that the bureaucrats involved in the Texas mess deliberately want to hurt people...I believe they believe what they are doing is right....but how scary is that??????? How totally screwed up and damaged is the thinking of a group of people empowered to ruin lives???????????

I wonder if anyone ever reads these posts????

I just did a google search for "Just Ducky"...got all sorts of hits...except this blog wasn't one of them...
There's another blog on this site with the same name...that one came up on the search...but not mine!
I'm feeling cheated, left out, violated....it's just not fair....and I've been on this site longer than she has...and I'm older......

The fact that I'm even writing this shit goes to the fact that I know that this is an undiscovered blog....'cause I sure as hell would not admit to being so petty to the masses.....
Anyway, it's cold, rainy, miserable....and Josh and David just left to go see "Narnia"...and I was planning a nice supper....oh well...they'll eat when they come home...or not...and they'll both be gone when I get up in the morning....and none of it will have mattered......

Kissin' Cousins Ain't All That Uncommon

When I moved to this town in 1985, there was a countywide population of about 45,000. Now the population in the county is pushing a quarter of a million...yes, we've had a bit of growth....
But what I wanted to talk about is from 'back when'...
When the county was smaller, which it was until recent years, there were a handful of "old" county names...
And everyone knew everyone....and the old timers could tell you who had married whom...who was a newcomer (hadn't been here for five or six generations), why some married others....etc.
There were the Kresgees and the Countermans, and the Eckes, and the Aces....and the Werkheisers, and the Greys......and the LaBars and the Worthingtons....and so on.....
And some were from the West End, and some were from 'up on the mountain'.....and if a person was trashy or stupid, or better yet, stupid and trashy, they were called "cunnermans"...or a "Cunner" or "Cutter"...all derivations of "Counterman".....story had it that the original Countermans were a bit of a 'hoity-toity' family....and Papa Counterman didn't want his large brood mingling with the locals...or at least not many of them...so much so that inbreeding and incest were preferable to consorting with anyone of 'lower standing'....well, as the story has it, the gene pool was quickly corrupted and the mean I.Q. of the Countermans diminished exponentially..... hence the negative nickname(s)
The businesses had the names of the families and it was common to hear stories of marriages that were arranged to enhance business interests or land acquisition....
Anyway, y'all get my drift....
Thing is, these folks were almost all Lutherans and Methodists.....a few Presbyterians were thrown in...and Stroudsburg has a beautiful old Episcopal Church.....
None of them were Mormons...or Latter Day Saints....or FLDS.....hell, the area's only LDS meeting house was built just a few years ago, after the population explosion was well underway.....

Benefits of Some Folks Going to Church

1. If you get your butt up early enough on a Sunday morning you can go to the dreaded WalMart without crowds! If you wait till after 11, you're screwed!

2. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....Not sure if there is a number 2. On the other hand, number 1. is benefit enough for me to heartily push church attendance...for everyone else....

So When is Brilliance Gonna Hit????

I keep wanting to write something profound. Something meaningful. Something truly brilliant.
Then I sit here and start writing....about the most profound thing that comes to mind is how unprofound I have become.
Is it part of middle age that causes things to lose their intensity?
Part of my brain remembers life as full of sharp, poignant, intense feelings. About almost everything....Especially around 2-3 A.M. The demons of the night were regular visitors to my psyche....now I want to be asleep, sound asleep, at 2-3 A.M.....and about two hours before that, and for several hours after that.....don't mess with my sleep!!!!!
There was a time, when several of the boys were partying alot, and carousing more than they should, that I dreaded going to sleep at night...because I knew, sooner or later, the phone was going to ring....if it was a collect call I was okay...I knew that one, or more, of them was in the drunk tank for something stupid....but every now and then it was the police or the hospital...and my heart would wrench and fear would take over me...all in an instant....then, thank the gods....whomever it was would tell me one of them had done something stupid and would I come get whomever it was.....
The last few times that happened I said "NO. I'll get so 'n so in the morning." Poor David, he was the last...he really got short shifted in the 'compassion from Mom' department....the older ones had used it all up....
This past Christmas a bunch of them all got picked up for public intoxication at once...I think it was six of them.....and no one called me...it was so weird....sometime in the morning I realized that the house was quiet...just the two grand daughters running around...Christine, my daughter-in-law, was still asleep...but none of the 'boys' were around...I thought that they had ended up at some party and stayed rather than drive intoxicated...Stupid me!!!
Sometime around 11 that morning I had a call from one of their friends and she asked me if I was going to go out to Snydersville.....even then it didn't hit me...(Snydersville is where our local jail is)....so I asked "What for?"...it was then that the friend said they were all in jail!!!!
At least they have finally figured out that it is not a good idea to call me about bull shit....
We had to go in two cars to get them......and I lectured the entire ride home.....that was fun....

I deal with the 'profound' all the time....lives torn apart by a public service system that is broken....kids being abused by a public education system ill equipped to handle youngsters with challenges...families at the end of their rope.....
I guess my brain just turns to mush when the life drama takes a break....

I found my way onto someone's blog earlier today...you know how one thing leads to another...This was a name I didn't recognize on a blog I often post to...so I clicked, and clicked, and before you knew it, I was reading his blog entries from ten years ago....he had three of his four children die, all in unrelated events, over a three year period...it was horrific...and I found myself sitting here, crying and crying...such a rush of forlorn, abject sadness....not just for the man whose life I had been peeking into...but for everything...my losses....the losses of people I don't know....for all the "if only's"...and "I wish...".......
Guess that will teach me about wandering around cyberspace being a voyeur.....well, it should teach me...but it probably won't....

Buhda Comes Home

365 lbs of Buhda finally came home to the pond....

I fell in love with this wonderful Buhda a couple of years ago when I saw him at Ridgley's garden center...but he was almost 600.00.....way beyond anything I could spend on pond decor!!!!!

But, from time to time I would go visit him...rub his head....and belly.......and wish...

I think Ridgley felt sorry for me when I made my first pilgrimidge this year.....he offerred him to me 'at cost'...which turned out to be a whopping 280.00....but how could I refuse?????

So Buhda came home.....

He will gaurd the pond with his spirit...he will bring tranquility and calm.....the fish will flourish, the flowers will grow...the racoons will stay away!!!

Did I tell you we had a racoon a couple of nights ago???

Little shit ate two or three fish, tumbled several big rocks to the bottom....

Anyway, went and got a 'friendly trap' and caught the sucker...took all of about five minutes...relocated him about 10 miles away behind the Cherry Valley Methodist Church.....everyone keeps telling me he'll be back.....

Here he sits.......when I thought he was cute, before he ate my fish!!!

And then......HA!!!

Believe me, he was less than a happy camper!!!!

Josh's girlfriend, Tai, is coming to visit next weekend...gotta get the pond, yard, house...all looking spiffy...We've never met this girl, but from what we can tell, she's a keeper!!!!

I hope she likes Buhda.........

Then there were ...hmmm....I've lost count.....

I haven't told you about my children...I guess because I don't know where to start...

There is no logical place to begin. I'm not even sure how many. I mean, I know how many I biologically produced. But we long ago decided biology doesn't count, in this family, anyway...

We have in total, today;

Rob...Robert...

John

Big Mike

Jason/Doggy

Little Mike

Andre

Josh

Ollie

Brian

Kirkhuff

David

and there are others, from time to time....but these are the 'always' crowd....

Rob will be 38 this summer. David just turned 22. It doesn't seem possible....That I am a grandmother overwhelms me.

That I am a grandmother several times over is unbelievable;

Sky

Amber

Caleigh

Ian

Mimi

Ethan

They talk about 'the lost boys' with the FLDS...well, folks don't have a clue...some of my boys really were lost. Biological families that just don't give a crap....When they found their way here they had no where to live...no one to love them, unconditionally....no base...no foundation...no roots....

Now that isn't true for all of them. Some have wonderful families. Families that did care, do care, and will always care. But for some period of time their child needed a break...or the parent(s) needed a break. My Josh left a couple of times and moved in with my friends, Vicki and Hilton. They love him every bit as much as I do. He is every bit as much a part of their family as ours.

And Josh was 'adopted' by Andrea....Andrea is Josh's mother as much as if she gave birth to him. He never moved in with her....but she cared for him, nurtured him, loves him....and she did this at times when I was in horrible battle with him....so fortunately for Josh, he has always had someone in his life who has loved him totally unconditionally....if not always the same person...*smile*...I mean I have always, and will alway love him....but Josh tests the limits of one's abilities, sometimes...

One day, when I get the hang of this blogging thing...I'll tell you about each of them...they have wonderful stories....they are all spectacular young men!!!!!

Ponds, Frogs, and Other Wildlife.....







So much work....such satisfaction....we 'built' our pond over the course of two summers and now we are adding all sorts of plants....



Last year, when we first filled it, we put in a couple dozen tiny, little 'feeder' gold fish...well, first thing that happened was that the pumped sucked up half of them and created fishburger...so we bought more, and put a net over the impeller of the pump...



We now have about twenty gorgeous gold fish...they all survived the winter...some are gold comets, several turned out to be beautifl sarasas...and we have two shebunkins....those we bought seperately....


We live in the middle of town, so imagine our surprise to find this mallard pair swimming on the pond a couple of weeks ago....they have since been almost daily visitors...(maybe because I feed 'em?)


The pond is truly wonderful...we have the fish and the ducks...and lots of frogs....the water falls creates just enough sound to make one feel like one is alone in the world and not surrounded by town noises....


We have several hardy water lillies coming up...they haven't broken the surface, yet...but any day now.....

Well, I uploaded the wrong picture and I have no idea how to remove it....
Some day...probably in another incarnation, I'm going to be really good at computer technology....
but for now....
This will just have to do....

I just spent some time looking at pictures and video clips from the FLDS...
What beautiful children thy have!!!!
Fresh foods, fresh air....they are the picture of good health....then I read about this Furamase Defficiency disorder that runs through their community......
I guess it's not terribly different than sickle-cell or tay-sachs....but with those geneic mutations, couples who fall into the risk categories go for testing and if they both carry the gene, they don't procreate....
Anyway, it's scary...if I thought there was a strong possibility I could have a child with this disorder, I sure as hell would make sure my partner and I did everything possible to make sure I didn't get pregnant!!!!
I can't imagine consciously having a baby that is going to be retarded, have a major seizure problem, possibly microenceohaly, and probably die young...along with all sorts of other problems!!!!!!!
I am totally "taken" by this FLDS culture...I have no idea why...someone suggested it is my ancestors in heaven, working through me, to reunite our family.....apparently I have some familial linkages back to one of Joseph Smith's wives...
I think it's just because I would like a few 'sister wives'...hell, it would have surely come in handy raising the kids....and my house would be a heck of a lot cleaner...
I'm all for modest dress.....many say I am a throw back to the 1940's in 'my' style...or lack thereof....but I don't think I could ever do the prarie dress stuff or the strange underwear....no, no, no....not for me....
And the almost worship kind of way they treat their husbands...I don't think so....I couldn't bring myself to do it...no matter how hard I tried....
But the pain of having their kids taken..ohmygod I can't imagine....
It was absolutely horrific what I went through fighting with Danny over david....but to have the police, or CPS come in and take your child....to be so powerless.....unreal...

Well, I haven't been around this blog for a very long time...seems about right to start up, again.....

Becka is off to the vet being spayed today....

They just called me to say she is fine...I was so, so worried...

She's had a very serious seizure disorder for the last two years, now...we had to stop showing her...couldn't breed her...and couldn't keep the seizures under control for more than a month or two at a time...so spaying was risky...but we're hoping that by stabilizing her hormones, we may diminish the number of clusters she has.....

She's such a mush dog...my baby....

we're doing all sorts of work in our back yard so we have piles of dirt all over....Beck has found that she really likes lounging in the dirt piles...

mimi, my grandaughter is almost four now...she was here with her family over the holidays....I am totally in love with her....she is so bright and pretty and completely unselfconscious....

I think I'm going to spend a bit of time trying to figure out how to actually do this blog thing well....