I woke up this morning with an overwhelming sense of saddness and discontent. Perhaps it's the dreary, gray weather. More likely it is that the last thing I heard before I went to bed last night was the report of the indictments out of Texas and the FLDS.
I don't remember the details of my dreams. At least not often. I do remember the general 'theme' , most mornings. Last night I dreamt of dentists and the FLDS.
Don't ask me why....I know it's a weird combo...but I'm guessing it's because I have some really major dental work coming up and I was so upset about the indictments......But I awoke in a sweat...and feeling as though I hadn't slept. Tremors in my stomach from the monsters in the dark. I'm still feeling all sorts of discombobulated.
I'm not sure why, but for a long time I've felt a strong connection to these distant folks...long before the Texas debacle I began 'following' them. I would check in on the site of the local guy who took all the arial photos...and I would peer and peer at the pictures, trying to catch a glimpse of the people. And marveling at the steady growth of the community. I knew the photographer was no friend of the community's, but I felt grateful to him for the pictures...I knew they were invasive yet I felt they gave me something tangible to attach to my gut feelings....
As much as I loathe my step-mother, and as loathe as I am to give her any credit, for anything, I am, and always will be, thankful to her for instilling in me a strong sense of "I can do anything". Had my grandmother continued and completed raising me, I would probably have been far more retiring in my character and personality. Nana was, afterall, a southern lady. Very gentile in her demeanor. I am all that good southern women are taught is unholy and wrong.....
As much as I admire the FLDS women, and the Amish women, too, I am exactly opposite of them....
I am very much an "in your face" kinda person....right in there in the middle of the scuffle....I can cuss with the best of 'em....I can throw a straight, hard punch, when need be......I countenance very little b.s. in my life.....although, in my work, I have learned to sit through all sorts of b.s. and move forward, as it is part of the 'process' for folks. People have to get past vomiting garbage before they can come together to develop plans and concensus....but it has taken me years to do that...to even see the importance of that aspect of 'process'.....
And I have learned to hate 'process'....at the same time recognizing it is one of those 'necessary evils'....It is the only way that major change can occur and be real and sustainable. All of the stakeholders must feel ownership in identifying the need and the path to achieve the necessary change.
It is this 'process' stuff that has me so vexed and angry at the Texas mess. Process is fine for systemic changes....developing long range goals and work plans, mission statements, and guiding philosophies....but not in the dealings of everyday people...families and children and daily life.
Sometimes we need to just stop in our tracks and take account. We need to check ourselves. Make sure our goals are what they should be and our path to achievement is the right one.
You can't do that 'check' while in motion.
Mistakes are what they are. And we all make them. For a variety of reasons. And mistakes can have devastating consequences.....both personally and societally....that is why it is so important to build into our 'systems', whether it's our personal operating system, or a larger societal 'system', a set of measurements and balances...and a 'process' for accountability...without that, we are in constant motion without knowing if we are accomplishing anything, much less our goals....
Texas seems to be in constant motion without any checks or balances. Operating willy nilly. Operating without dialogue or concensus, on anything...operating without goals...
Seems like Texas had one big. visceral reaction to something strange and unknown and painted in the colors of 'the enemy'....seems like Texas, perhaps unwittingly, allowed itself to become a tool for a few angry, disenfranchised, extremely goal oriented, individuals....
I don't blame these individuals. They are simply doing what they have deigned necessary to attain their goals....they are only as successful as those they connect with allow. Texas gave them, and continues to give them, a huge boost..... and that is really scary....It's one thing when individuals buy their books and wring their hands...it may not be right, but it doesn't have any direct impact on the FLDS, or whomever the target is.....but when an entire state government buys into their agenda, well, that's scary....people get hurt....
Individuals wringing their hands and feeding thier own personal lust for the sensational can't empower armies, they can't manipulate the laws, or make new laws based on expedience, they can't set agenda's for governmental bodies......but empowered individuals in government can....and in Texas they did. And, based on watching Texas, empowered individuals in other states are following suit.....and that scares me to death....
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ADMITTING TO MAKING A MISTAKE!!!!!!!!
No one can unring a bell. But if the bell is out of tune, you know it the minute the vclapper hits....so you don't ring it a second time...certainly not a third time....
You stop ringing the damn thing, you take it down, you take it apart, and you start over...you essentially make a new bell...you ring the new bell and if it is true, wonderful...but if it still sounds crappy, you start all over...again, and again....until you get it right, or until you decide you don't really need the bell...all of which is predicated on constant examination of your original purpose for having a bell.....was that purpose a necessity or a luxury???...was it a bell to warn of fire or a bell to simply please the ear????
Can the original need for the bell be met in some other way? Does the need still exist? Was there really a need? or just a desire?
Texas needs to take stock.....
What was their original need? Why was it determined to be a need? What was the foundation for determining need? Was that a solid foundation? Does the need still exist. What are alternatives for addressing the need? Have we elected the 'right' alternative? Why? Why not? Who are the stakeholders? Were all of the stakeholders at the table? How can we bring all of the stakeholders to the table?
Etc., etc., etc.........
Acknowledge the mistake and move forward...don't let ego and false pride get in the way of doing what is right...don't let it get in the way of efficacy....
With efficacy comes the claim to real pride...and that is always sweet.....to know when you look in the mirror that you have done good....
People I have come to know....not personally....but in other ways, very, very personally, are being hurt.....
And, they are being hurt by a process that can be super-imposed over any set of folks or circumstances...this is just a prototype....and that is not just frightening, but mind boggling.....this is something antithesis to everything this country stands for.....
I am hurting for those who are being hurt, and I am scared for myself and others yet to be targeted....
I am all sorts of upset.....
And frustrated...
and feeling terribly impotent.....
My instinct to nurture...to cradle the hurt person and give them a lollipop, and make things all better is kicking in and I know it is impossible.....
This is worse than watching your child go through growing pains....this is a Stephen King movie where the ending hasn't been written and Stephen King has died......
7 years ago
8 comments:
What your witnessing is the country falling into decay. We've let feminists take over. We've let political correctness take over to the point that our body politic is no longer effective, but falls prey to the whims of the feminists and others who currently hold the moral high ground.
Add to that the decay of our economy. We are going from a first world power to a third world country, all in a few decades. Corruption is bound to set in, as justice falls through the cracks. Keep your seatbelt fastened, it's a rough ride down to the bottom of the abyss.
Regina,
You want our officials to admit a "mistake" that we don't believe is a mistake.
I'm truly sorry that you are so distressed over this - but we think we are right, and there is an old Texas Ranger saying that applies:
"There is no stopping a man in the right that keeps on coming."
It's part of the nature of Texans - and most that I have talked to, the comments that I have read in Texas papers, etc, are supportive of putting those that broke the law in jail.
I don't know how to explain it to you where you'll understand, but that's how we like things done down here.
Bluesman,
I've never said "don't prosecute".
I have said, and will continue to say, "Temper what you do with good practice. Look at each instance individually, design appropriate sanctions, and work with the community, not against the community to find long term solutions." I've certainly said more than that...*smile*....but that's sorta it in a nutshell....
And please, please stop taking the word of those who are getting wealthy off of folks like you who buy into their sensationalism....meet and get to know these folks without all sorts of preconcieved ideas...
Perhaps this group came her to be different...different from their own predecessors...make a new life in a new community...and from what we've seen, they seem willing to think things through and make changes....
I just feel so hurt and so angry at all the unecessary pain that has been caused.
Texas could have behaved differently....and I see that concept supported everywhere I read...by Texans...who repeatedly say they are ashamed of their public servants...
Even those who are vehemently opposed to the beliefs of the FLDS say over and over how they are angry and ashamed of how things were done....
Maybe you need to accept that.....
I was in contact with a dozen or more of your attys a few weeks ago....all asking me to help develop arguments and questions for how CPS SHOULD have done things...what is acceptable practice? How to interact with families? What to look for in service plans?....these are your fellow Texans...part of your legal system....and they were thunderstruck by how horribly your state behaved.....
Regina,
I fully know what you're going through. In late 2006 I joined three other women in SW Utah, starting a "new life".
They are from Ohio, two are retired from law enforcement. There is "Mom" (really the mother of one of us), and two roommates (in addition to myself).
We have no "relationship" (as in lesbian or otherwise) other than we are good friends, and roommates. I'm sure there are folks in this area who question, but that's the way life is... full of questions.
Coincidentally, we live just 4 miles north of the "Harker Farm"... the one that is in dispute and the subject of a couple of lawsuits.
While I've never knowingly spoken with what are commonly referred to as "polygs", a term I find very bigoted... some of our very best friends are descendants of polygamous ancestors in the LDS church.
My heart aches for the prejudice and persecution these folks suffer. I was raised in a racially "integrated" area in Portland, Oregon, and have seen both prejudice, and persecution (minority relgions).
Here's what troubles me so.
Folks in Texas "assume" that there must be something illegal going on at YFZ based on the vocal "anti-FLDS".
They can't gain access to look for a crime as that violates the 4th Amendment of our US Constitution, except for the "convenient call for help" by what we now know was a lie.
Here's what folks don't see that I see in our community of Beryl/Enterprise. Our neighbors at the Harker Farm have all but disappeared. There used to be several families with a lot of children. Now there are none, only the "hired Hispanic workers".
Gone are the delightful FLDS children from the local grocery store in Enterprise.
Even when I go to St. Geogre, where I would routinely see several (as in more than 10) families shopping at WalMart, Costco, and eating out, the past couple of trips I've seen only one or two. Yes... this whole debacle is affecting lives from a much wider area than just the YFZ ranch.
In 2005 when our desert flooded... yes the desert flooded, the very first people to help their neihbors were the Harker's with their big tractors and front-end loaders. They literally saved many homes from flood damage through quick-thinking and selfless assistance.
Somehow I just believe there are a few folks who have too much time on their hands, and feel the need to use that time to be busybodies, nosing into business that is in fact, none of their business.
Shari....
It is just so painful to watch. I mean I know my pain is nothing compared to those who are living this mess...but still, my insides hurt....the injustice, the unfairness....
I wish it were as simple as them having too much time on their hands....
People have made conscious, deliberate choices to hurt other people, and to hurt them by leferaging their children....
I mean, I know I can be spiteful and vindictive. I try really, really hard to not let myself think in those terms...and I rarely act on those inclinations...and I always feel crappy when I do....but...and it's a big but....
Times that I've felt that way, and acted that way, someone has done something really shitty to someone I love.....so, not to say what I've done is right...or excusable...but there is at least some meanig behind it...
What we are watching in Texas is meanness directed at people for nothing more than they think and dress differently.....
Folks have decided, without even knowing any of the people, to hurt them.
It is simply beyond my ability to conceptualize!!!!!!!
I feel such rage toward them...especially the ones I can picture and give names to....like Flora and Carolyn.....
I had a crappy childhood...my step mother was a 'known' figure....I could have gone after her...her cronies, et al...but I had better things to do...like getting on with my life...
There are few things I can think of in my entire life that have made me feel so impotent as this.....
So I prattle on, and on....
Your new life looks pretty wonderful, by the way....although I think I'd be more inclined to choose a remote area in the Carolinas, or something like that...I want green and hills and water....
but the idea of just leaving and starting new...starting different is so, so inviting...
and the sheep...how cool....although I think I'd have a hard time thinking of pets as future food..and I would turn them into pets....
I want enough land to have several big dogs....
And I would need to be within driving distance of a Salvation Army store...I'm a Sally's junkie...
Anyway, thank you for sharing and listening!
Believe me, when I said "too much time on their hands" it wasn't meant to be as if they were kids. No... I meant it to mean these are people who have such deep spite and hatred as to have no conscious when it comes to hurting other people.
I'm a history junkie, and since moving here I've been reading and asking questions, hoping to get real answers. It's not easy, especially when even the very predominant LDS church tends to rewrite history to make themselves look good.
As for my perspective, we (all four of us) are confirmed Lutherans (LCMS) who haven't been to church since moving here. Our nearest church is in St. George, a 113 mile round trip.
My pastor told me that I'd be left alone here. No one would talk with us, we'd have to find our own friends.
Well, our LDS neighbors have reached out to us, and we've founds some very good friends, none of whom have made the slightest nod towards "converting" us. Yes, they do discuss "church matters" in front of us, and we are sometimes bewildered as to what's happening, but we've never felt "left out" of any social gathering.
Also, most of our neighbors have a positive feeling towards our FLDS neighbors, to the point of doing business with them whenever possible.
Maybe it's just our little isolated valley, but we've all found ways to get along, and care for each other, in spite of what the world does around us.
Now, if only other isolated groups could come together and understand that yes, you can believe differently. Yes you can look differently. Yes, you can set aside differences so that each and everyone can live their lives to the fullest.
As for my past life... let's just say I've been told it could be a best-seller, and you know what sells best.
Shari, Methinks we're just two old kindred spirits.....*laughing*
Do you remember that book..one of the first 'popular' books about bipolar disease...it was written by Sally Fields? and some shrink...they'd write alternating chapters...one of personal stuff...and the following would be a clinical critique....that's the kind of book I want to do...guess which side of the chapters I'd be writing!!!!!!!
I'm going to go sit by the pond...watch my fish....listen to Randi Rhodes and veg...
Do you ever listen to Randi????
She's on the Nova M network at 3:00 Eastern time....
she's sorta far, far left of left liberal, but she's very bright, and sometimes funny as hell....
I think I'm going to try to post a link to her show on my 'front page'...
OMG, you've got to hurry over to Grits... Ron in Houston just let his stupidity fall out of his brains... it's just too funny and I got to take advantage of it.
Post a Comment