I now know that the kid who works in the UPS store has a mother with a gambling problem, a sister who is a floozie, neighbors who party a bit too hardy, and a Dr.'s appointment next week to discuss gastric bypass surgery. I don't know his name, but I know his weight, height, age, and blood type.
I swear, I have a neon sign hanging over my head that says "sappy sucker", or perhaps, "schmuck who is too polite to tell you to buzz off".
It happens to me all the time. Grocery store lines are the worst. I'll do almost anything to avoid grocery store lines. I'll go shopping at 7 A.M. or 11 P.M. to avoid lines. They find me in lines....I try to let them go ahead of me. I try asking them to 'watch my cart' while I run for something forgotten. Nothing helps.....they tell me their life story. Or the story of the rotten daughter-in-law, or the awful teacher....
I once ended up driving a man, his wife, his sister-in-law, his mother, and one of his sons from Elmira to Scranton because we were both in line together at Sears. I stopped at Sears on my way out of Elmira, headed home, because tires were on sale, it was winter, and I needed tires, so it seemed like a good idea to get them before getting on the highway. The man and his family were in front of me in line, but there were several others in front of them....plenty of time to chit chat with the lady with the neon sign.....well, my new found 'friend' came up to his turn and it turned out his car was fatally flawed....undrivable....and it was a Sunday morning...he and his family had been to see Niagra Falls while his mother was in this country visiting...and they were on their way home to Scranton....a town I just happen to have to pass through on my way from Elmira to Stroudsburg. So now that the Mr. and I are best friends....what can I do but offer to take them home?????
That was the worst ride of my life. I'm a smoker. He's a doctor. (actually it turned out he is a cardio-vascualr surgeon) Couldn't smoke. The family was from India. Now I don't think I have any particular biases against folks from India. It just happens to be a reality of life that our bodies often give off an odor from spices in our diets. Their diet has plenty of curry in it....so in a closed up car the odor became pretty pervasive.
Now they are also a culture where the men take the lead....the women tend to be retiring in the presense of men. So the Mr. felt like he had to keep up a conversation with me for the entire 100 miles.....
When we arrived at their home they insisted that I come in for a 'light refreshment'. There was no way I could say 'no'....they were such nice people and they genuinely wanted to be nice as a 'thank-you'. Before I left the wife brought me the most beautiful silver bowl....it was truly lovely. And I have it to this day....
But the fucking sign...it's gotta go....it's just that every time I try to find the damn thing, it disappears.....I know it's there....
I mean I'm now obligated, for the rest of my life, everytime I go to the UPS store, to inquire after this kid, his health, and his family.....
Ggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....................................................
7 years ago
2 comments:
Ducky,
Am I hallucinating, or did you just use the "f"-word on your blog? And you didn't even substitute "fornication" - you used the real thing.
Maybe you don't need to get rid of the neon sign. Just get one with the f-word on it.
I am generally very partial to that word and have steadfastly resisted all who have attempted to curtail it from my vocabulary. Except for maybe the first time my 2-and a-half-year-old daughter picked it up from me and used it.
Actually I believe it is the most useful word in the English language.
I was drinking in the bar of the Colson Hotel in Sudbury, Ontario Canada with all the hard-rock nickel miners in 1982, when I first recognized the tremendous power of the f-word.
Someone asked the woman at the next table "how did you sleep last night?" She replied by saying "I can't get no fuckin' sleep - not with them fuckin' fuckers fuckin' all fuckin' night."
Someone could write a doctoral thesis based on that sentence.
I will never unburden my troubles on you - now that I can read the sign.
darrell,darlin',
you can unburden anytime you please....
Alaska is far, far away......I'd feel no moral obligation to drive you anywhere.....
As for the big "F" word....I firmly believe in using it loosly and frequently......
"Cept in the company of blue haired old ladies and preachers.....then I pull out the "Oh goodness" and "Golly"....
Or if I'm around good people who are really offended by it.....
I think all my fish are going to make it...there's one that is still 'iffy', but he seems to be improving...black spots are diminishing, cotton is falling off....he's rejoined the group...he's eating...
I took your sorta advice...started adding small increments of tap water without dechlorinating....also did a full dose of the anti-fungal/bacterial again yesterday.....
I think by Sunday I'm going to bring the water back all the way and put all the plants back in and pray.....
Well, I just returned from a day in Harrisburg, trying to convince a Juvenile Detention Center director and his colleagues that they really can do a better job at family engagment.....
And that, "Yes, I really do understand the nature of the kids they get and the families those kids come from...."....Whew!!!
What a godawful day....
All of which is to say my brai is dead and all I want is to have coffee and veg...
Later
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