"Marriage" and the FLDS

Okay, folks...
I'm going to take a stab at this. I know I'll get parts wrong. I know I'll miss some aspects.
However, the term "marriage" is as big and broad in the world of the FLDS as it is narrow and defined in the lexicon of the average person.
I think that the myriad of uses of a single word has caused considerable grief. Mainly because those persons in empowered positions have not taken the time to learn what the word actually is in the FLDS culture. They have assumed our simple meaning and superimposed that meaning over every instance they confront the word in the FLDS.
The other thing that confounds me is how "we" have assumed the term "sealed" to mean a conventional marriage, as we define marriage. And, conveniently, we pretend the difference between "time" and "all eternity" are negligible.
Anyway, here are the types of situations I have seen referred to as "marriage" within the FLDS.

1. The equivalent of a 'betrothal'. This seems to be infrequent, and usually involves a young adolescent girl, who is sealed to an older, 'elder' in the church. It is presumed that the marriage will not be consummated until much later, when the girl herself wants to, and comes to her husband. This assures a place in the afterlife as part of the family of the husband.
2. A 'sealing' of a widow to a man in the community, for 'time'. Her husband has died in good standing, and she is already assured her place with him in the afterlife, but a sealing for 'time' to another man assures her needs and care in this life are met. This may or may not, be a consummated sealing. That would be up to the woman.
3. A 'sealing' of a woman whose husband has lost his priesthood. A woman's path to eternal life is through her husband. If her husband has lost his priesthood, a woman can ask to be sealed to another in order to attain heaven in the next life. This is the choice of the woman, who also makes this choice on behalf of her young children who are unmarried, and boys who have not reached the age and requirements of priesthood. Some women choose to be sealed to another shortly after their husband has lost his priesthood. Some choose to wait and see if their husband repents and returns to the community. It is considered the woman's choice to make.
4. A conventional sealing., for time and eternity, between two individuals who have each decided they are ready for this union. This is the beginning of the journey, together. After being sealed, the couple get to know one another. They work at loving one another. When they are both ready, particularly the woman, the marriage is consummated, and the aspect of becoming a family together begins. There is no set time for this. It is when they have both decided that they are ready for this next step. And, importantly, the woman must be the one to come to her husband and declare herself ready for this step.

Now I may have over simplified these types of "marriages". And there may be types of relationships I have missed. And I didn't discuss the individual experiences aspect. And I didn't discuss the times when things have gone awry from the doctrinal definitions and expectations.

What I wanted to show is that "marriage" has many permutations within the FLDS community. Without understanding that, all sorts of assumptions of wrongdoing can happen. The differences in how we conventionally use language, and the variations within the specific culture of the FLDS are of tremendous importance. Over the last few months I have seen ugly judgments being rendered without any real understanding.
The judgments have been based on the use of the same word without accommodation for the very different meanings applied to the word.

In our "outside" world, marriage comes after two people have gotten to know one another, and have decided they want to spend their lives together, as a married couple. They have already determined that there is physical attraction and emotional commitment. Often, even if the relationship has not been consummated, there has been some degree of sexual intimacy and exploration.
In the FLDS culture, when an individual feels they are ready to begin the journey with another person, they let their parents know. And the Prophet is told. Or, for a man who has a family, the Prophet, through divine inspiration, will know that he is ready to expand his family.
Through the Prophet, who is inspired through prayer, two people are brought together. If both of them agree, they are sealed. Sometimes they have never met. Rarely do they know each other well.
For these two people, this is the beginning, there is a time of getting to know one another. Of working on love and commitment and building a relationship. It is a time for all of those things that have usually taken place in an "outside" relationship, before marriage. Here it happens after marriage. It is very, very different.
And, importantly, one only acts on one's sexuality within their marriage. Period. No exceptions. It is sacred. It is a gift from God, between two people.