Stroudsburg, Pa. or Norman Rockwell's Imagination?

It is a gorgeous Fall morning, here in Pa.! The sun is shining, the air is crisp. The colors are magnificent. It is, for this small moment in time, the stuff of great artists, and poets, and memories. As I sit here at my desk, the sun is streaming in through the window, warm on my body. My birds are behind me making all their morning noises. My coffee is still steaming. I can hear small school children walking down the street, shuffling their feet in the crispy, fallen leaves, voices and laughter part of their sounds. And I am thinking about my new friend, far away, that I want to share this moment with. I want to freeze it in time.
We have a beautiful old, brick, elementary school a half block down the street. In good weather the kindergarten and first grade teachers often take their children for walks in the mornings. And it is always a treat to watch them. I love the little ones. At a distance! When someone else is responsible for them! They are always so bright and fresh and full of quick smiles!
Sometimes I get so caught up in the daily horrors and pains of life that I forget how truly blessed I am.
I live in a lovely old Victorian neighborhood. Full of beautiful old homes and wide, tree lined streets. We have almost no crime in this neighborhood. People take pride in their yards, and many are beautifully landscaped. It is a family neighborhood with lots and lots of children. The speed limit on our streets is 15 miles per hour and most folks actually respect that. All of the streets in this neighborhood are named after the children of our town's founder. We have Sarah and Thomas, Scott and Ann, Monroe and Fulmer. It is a constant reminder, at least for some, that this is a family town. A family place. Many of the homes were built a hundred to two hundred years ago. And they were big houses for that day. Houses for big families! My house was built in the late 1800's!
A few blocks away is Main St.. Main St. is alive and vibrant. Not the desolate, declining Main St. of all the news stories from across America. We have local shops, owned and operated by local folks, that thrive. There are always people in and out of the shops. Cars parked and sounds and smells coming from the doors. We have old fashioned side-walk sales all summer long. There are restaurants and small shops, side by side. It really is very, very nice! People recognize one another on the street, nodding, and saying hello, as each makes their way along their routes. The local police walk the sidewalks. The mailman knows everyone. Often someone's dog is tied to a parking meter or light post while their owner shops, or does an errand. It really is like something off the cover of the Saturday Evening Post. It is Norman Rockwell, circa 2008.
Between Main St. and my neighborhood, lies Courthouse Circle. Our courthouse is an huge old, natural sandstone, building, with a big tower and large, stately stairs leading to the front doors. In front, separated by a narrow street, is a circle with a "doughboy" statute and an old, WWI cannon, and flower beds and benches for lunch time sitting, or for strollers to stop for a rest.All around the circle are old brick and clapboard row houses. All in beautifully restored condition. These old buildings house lawyers and small shops like jewelers, and tailors, and land offices. It is very pretty. And in front of the buildings are flowering trees. The spring, when they are in bloom, is gorgeous! In the winter, when the trees are bare, small lights are strung in the trees, giving them a twinkling quality as soon as the sun sets.
Year round, on the first Saturday of each month, we have an "artist's walk" in the evening. All of the shops stay opened, late. Local artists display their works in the different businesses. Often business owners will offer refreshments. In the warm months, musicians are playing on the street. There are often kiosks at the Courthouse circle with vendors of all sorts. And everywhere there are people strolling. The downtown theater often has open doors with some special short performance being offered several times over the evening. the restaurants have outside tables. It is very, very nice!

So...the pictures here I took about an hour ago....

I want to share my town with you. I want it to be real....

This is the front of my house. Next is looking East from my house, then the house two west from me.


This is the house three west of me and one looking from across the street going west.

If you notice, the old maple tree in front of my house is so much greener than all the others???...well, methinks it has broken into the old, iron sewer line coming out of my house....gggrrrrrrrr..........

Here we have Ramsey Elementary, the school a half block from my house. Next is the side street running along the west side of Ramsey, and then my friend Peter's house, kitty-corner from Ramsey.

Here is the house on the other corner from the school and next is the courthouse, three blocks south from my front porch. If you drew a straight line from my porch, you would hit the back door of the courthouse.

Following are a few more images of the courthouse and the circle in front of it....

All old buildings, housing lawyers and small businesses......

Now some images from Main St. Because I'm taking these pictures on a weekday morning, you won't see all the foot traffic, but by mid-day, it's bustling.....

And now, last, but not least...two pictures of McMichaels Creek, just one block south of Main St. and a picture of the Anne St. Train Station....

I hope you like the pictures. They don't begin to do justice to what a really pretty town Stroudsburg is...

On Acting In A "Christ-like" Way......and the FLDS

Whether one considers oneself Christian or not, there is no disputing the fact that Jesus Christ was a pretty decent person. A caring, thoughtful, giving, compassionate man. So modeling one's behavior after this man, whether you believe in his divinity or not, is something that is apt to serve you well.

If you read various "Christian" dogma and doctrine, it usually sounds 'okay'. The usual stuff about kindness and giving and loving and so on.....sprinkled with all the 'shalls and shall nots' and a healthy sprinkling of fear....
But all in all, the writings of most "Christian" sects would lead one to believe that those that ascribe to these beliefs are a pretty decent lot of folks....

Not......

Too often I find folks that call themselves "Christians" to be terribly hypocritical. They quickly tell you what denomination they follow. Many quickly tell you all the ways you are going to hell or suffer damnation if you don't also begin to follow their denomination. almost across the board they tell you how to live your life. And what to believe.
This is especially true of those that claim to be 'evangelical'....holy jamoly are they fast to tell you that the state has no place in dictating religion, or interfering in religion!!!
On the other hand, these are the same folks who want to "bring God back into the schools..", "bring God into the courtrooms..."
teach our children in public schools...state funded, PUBLIC schools, that specific lifestyles are bad...particularly homosexuality. They want to teach creationism in science class...as a viable alternative to evolution....a set of religious beliefs...undisputably their beliefs about 'creationism' come from their belief in the bible...a religious document, or collection of documents....
They are fighting to maintain the current definition of marriage, in most places, by religious standards...i.e. one man, one woman.
There are those who object to Martin Luther King Day being recognized as a school holiday, but cry bloody murder when Spring break doesn't fall over Easter Week.....
They rail against feminists. Completely ignoring the fact that it is the feminists who are fighting to assure that "choice", including the choice to be a stay-at-home-mom is a valid and viable one for women to make...and that whatever choice a woman makes, it is deserving of the same respect and compensation and validation as those choices men have always had the right to make.....

And, worst of all, these so called "christians" both approve of, and often participate in, behaviors that deliberately hurt other human beings.....because they have judged them......somewhere along the way they missed the phrase "Judge not, lest ye be judged..."

Fact is, I had become pretty anti-christian because of these behaviors, until recently......
Well, actually, I have always been very, very 'pro christian' if you're talking about those folks who truly try to emmulate Jesus Christ's behaviors and demeanor....I had just become anti-assholes...most of whom I met called themselves "Christians".

Then the debacle in Texas started to unfold. The women and children were taken and Voila'!!!!, the FLDS were in the headlines.....Now I already knew a bit about their faith...but I knew nothing, except what folks like Flora Jessop or Carolyn Jessop said on television, about the people, themselves.....so I was willing to lump them into the pile with the rest of the "christians" I knew...or most of them, anyway....(I do know a few folks who truly do take emmulating Jesus seriously, and are really good folks.)
Be that as it may, I was horrifed at the abject trampling of the constitution...the clear and resounding bias and bigotry being displayed....the magnitude of the state's incursion into their lives...the damage the state was doing to the women and children it had taken into custody...I was simply horrified!!!!! So I knew I had to speak out...I assumed I would be just one voice amongst many that were crying out.....

Wrong....

I ran into a host of my "christian" friends...all telling me what a great thing the State of Texas had done...how "those people" deserved this, and worse...and just watch...they were gonna get what was coming to them...those freaks...those pedophiles...those weirdos in their funny clothes and hairdos....just you watch!!!!
Well, if I had misgivings at all, they dried up in a heartbeat!
So I started reading and blogging...
I found that Brooke Adams, from the Salt Lke Tribune, had about the fairest blog I could find. She seemed to go out of her way to present a balanced view. And she never inserted her own opinioninto her blogs...she just wrote stories...
So I started being a 'regular' on Brooke's blog...and, unbeknownst to me, so were a number of the FLDS community....if not posting, then following.....
And awhile into this mess, a couple of the FLDS started talking to me...and one or two emailed me....
And I started asking questions and learning not just about their doctrine, but about them as a people. And amazingly, I have found them to be amongst the most Christ-like of people I have ever come across.
They have a set of beliefs, yes. I have yet to find any one of them saying anyone else has to believe what they do. They are across the board respectful in how they speak and interact with others. They are accepting of the goodness of others, whether others ascribe to their beliefs, or not. Their doctrine also accepts and expects that people of all faiths and callings will be a part of heaven and the hereafter....
They turn the other cheek, they forgive, even the most egregious of wrongs....
I have made friends in the FLDS community who know full well I do not share their religious beliefs, but they take me at my word and like me for who I am, and ask nothing more than the same from me....
They work hard at following the United Order....they work hard at not falling prey to the vagaries of greed and envy and petty jealousies....
I don't know if they have a word for them, but I know them as 'mitzvahs'...doing good things for others, freely, often unheralded, just because it is the right thing to do...they work hard to make others feel good, to be happy, to have joy...to see the cup half full....FLDS members make 'mitzvahs' all of the time....
I have an FLDS friend who sends me 'smiles'...I know it sounds silly....but who knows, maybe they are divinely inspired, because they seem to come just at the point when I am most fed up with the ugly vagaries of the human condition.....

So this is long....and probably to most, quite boring...but I needed to 'say it'...to put my instincts in order...to give words to intuition....
To help me continue...to remind myself of why I fight....
And to honor a group of people I feel so very priveledged to have met...and to especially honor my new friends, for whom it took real courage to extend that first email, that first smile....

I am so angry and fed up with the ugliness that abounds...I am so grateful I have found some balance.....

Morrie's Iron Pot, Pot-Roast

Best darn pot-roast ever!!!!!!!

Morrie's iron pot, pot-roast;

Ingredients;
Large boneless chuck roast...4-5 lbs.
large green bell pepper, chopped in one inch pieces
one large or two medium onions chopped in big pieces...one inch
3-4 stalks of celery, including leaves, cut into 1 inch pieces
1 fifteen ounce can of diced tomatoes
about 2 ounces worsteshire sauce
3-4 tablespoons of chopped garlic
3-4 cracked bay leaves
salt and pepper
6 medium all purpose potatoes, cut in half
1 lb. of 'baby' carrots
several small, peeled onions, if desired

Dust the roast in flour and brown in oil on all sides
pour off the oil and add the canned tomatoes and all the chopped veggies and spices
add enough water to cover the meat.
bring to a boil and then turn down to a simmer
Cook on simmer for four to five hours...until the meat is very soft...
Remove the meat. cover on a platter
add more water if necessary. add the small onions. cook for about fifteen minutes.
add the carrots
cook about ten minutes
add potatoes and cook until tender
remove large vegetables...
thicken water with a flour roux...
put meat back into simmering gravy for a few minutes to reheat..
place meat and veggies on a platter to serve...cut meat in chunks
place gravy with all the veggie bits in a bowl with ladle and enjoy!

I suppose you could cook this in any old big pot, but Morrie always used a cast iron dutch oven so that is what I use.
(I have my grandmother's cast iron pots and they are THE BEST!)

This works well with stew meat, also. Just reduce the time you cook the meat.

My father died a very rich, miserable man. This is the only thing of value I ever got from him.
The man was really pretty awful. But boy oh boy, could he cook!

God, Can't We Slow This Show Down A Bit?

I've intended to blog so many times....

Intended, of course, being the key word here. Life just gets in the way. Just when you think there might be five minutes to breathe, something new comes up, demanding one's attention.

So this is going to be a quick update...

1. The porch is 'almost' completed...still have to do the ceiling...and then plant the front yard over...grass...flowers, etc...

This isn't the best picture....probably because I haven't yet taken 'the best' picture...sorry. But at least there is a new deck, new posts and rails, it's painted...and you can't see, but there is a new roof on it...ah..this is good!

2. The fish...oh what a mess....we have another koi that is probably going to die today or tomorrow. We did, however, finally discover what was/is killing them. We have a case of "hole in side" disease. Honestly! That is the name of it. And it is awful. Apparently it is a direct translation from the Japanese....

Our vet gave us a prescription of strong antibiotics to use, but for this last fish, it was too late. Hopefully, however, it has imunized the others....we also treated the water, again, this time with an antiparasitic. Hole in the side disease apparently often starts with a microbe and invades susceptible fish...

Right now, anyway, all the rest look healthy. And it is time for their systems to slow down for winter...so keep your fingers crossed for us. We have switched them to a wheatgerm based food for winter. That's what we used to introduce the antibiotics with.

Funny story about that...in order to get the antibiotic powder to stick to the food, you have to mix it with grain alcohol. You shake the powder and food till it is mixed and then sprinkle on about an ounce of grain alcohol and shake it all up. You leave it open for the alcohol to evaporate for 24 hours and then use it as you would regular feed. Well, the alcohol mostly dries...*smile*...but not completely...I can smell it when I open the jar it is in...and the fish love it!!!!...Ohmygod! If you could see them come to the top and scarf this 'new' food down...it is hysterical....so we have a pond full of drunks...

On the up side, when I was putting plants back in the pond after the last treatment, I found several small fish in the wading pool we had the plants in. I rescued them and have them in a tank inside. We have no idea what kind of fish they are. Very strange looking. Actually, three are plain silver looking and are probably comets. The others are really odd. Mixed colors and black, black eyes. I read somewhere that Sarasas start out with black eyes so these may be Sarasa/Koi mixes....or Sarasa/Shebunkin mixes...either way, they are strange....

3. Josh....

What can I say...he's still in love...he's been going down to Florida every other weekend, lately....

Although he now tells me he is going down there for Thanksgiving. i may have to kill him. I'll just prop his dead body up at our Thanksgiving table! This better be seious if I am expected to give up one of my children for a family holiday! He'll be home this weekend so I plan to grill him...which is apt to do no good. I grill...they clamp up....You'd think I'd learn, no?....oh well....

4. Me..

I'm still struggling, everyday...

The more I learn about the FLDS, the more sure I am that hey have been seriously persecuted and targeted by law enforcment and others.

The more sure I am that mass media feeds this ugly, wrong picture of them....

And the more sure I am that we each have an obligation to speak out when we see wrongs...no matter the personal cost. No matter how great we may think our personal cost is, it is nothing compared to the cost we all pay when we leave wrongs unchecked.....

I'll try to write more, soon...there are so many topics I would like to explore....

For now...this'll have to do....

Of Jobs and Celebration

Once again, I'm full of all sorts of lofty thoughts, and no idea how, or where, to begin to commit them to words.
Today is "Labor Day". We celebrate the great American workforce. But to me it is more than just a celebration of the workforce, it is a celebration of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 that Lyndon Baines Johnson, the last great president from the Great State of Texas signed into law.
And for me, Title VII, as it is more commonly known, was once my chosen life's work. To assure that no person , regardless of race, creed, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or different abilities, would be discriminated against in the workplace. I knew I couldn't save the world, but I thought I might make a difference in one small corner of it....
I guess I really didn't stick around long enough. Almost forty years after I put my toe in the door, we're still fighting for equal pay for equal work.
Both Hillary and Barak give me hope that women may finally see a measured equality in employment. Both in their opportunities, and their compensation. It has been a long time coming.
On the other hand, I can celebrate that right now, at this point in time, all of my boys are gainfully employed, self-supporting (well, almost), and in good health! There were many days, and nights, when that seemed a fantasy. A mother's dream never to be realized....
Oh the dinner table stories this topic engenders!
Big Mike's whistle-blowing days with the gold coin scam business...
David's days as a landscaper...along with spider bites and allergies and a general lack of work ethic made that short lived...
Josh the carpenter....Josh the artist...Josh the plumber...Josh the jet-ski instructor/guide....Josh the bartender...Josh the tower climber....but always...JOSH THE MAGNIFICENT!!!
Rob the movie mogul...Rob the used car salesman...Rob the Realtor.....oh my...Rob can sell a bridge in Brooklyn, to someone in the Bronx...
Ollie the Hawiian beach bum aka Verizon's vunder-kind
And Little Mike's days in the Air Force....where for eight years we all held our breath and prayed....
and all the rest of them and their stories.....

But they all have jobs.....

I celebrate!

Please cast a vote for this project

Well, I'm going to try to put a link in here...but as you know, I'm seriously techno challenged...
This is a good project. I know the people at the Juvenile Law center, well.
So I ask any and all of you who see this to go to American Express and vote for this. YOu don't have to be a memeber. You can sign up as a guest and cast your vote. Please, please do so.
It will be a great start at giving some of our country's most disenfranchised youth a voice.....
here goes...
http://www.membersproject.com/project/view/EZCTS4

Hate is the Ugliest Emotion.....

I've never understood abject hatred.
I see it all the time. One person hating another, or a group. Usually for something really stupid. Like how they dress, or what color they are. Or their religion.

I learned about how awful hate is along time ago....

My step-mother was extremely abusive to my sister and I. My father failed to protect us. It really was pretty awful . And I was so full of hate.....but after awhile I realized that there wasn't anything but the hate. It took up so much room. So I consciously worked at remembering some of the good things that came out of my childhood. and then I looked at 'why' my parents behaved the way they did...and as wrong as it was, I started to understand how they came to be who they were. Their make-up was inevitable....and I stopped hating them and just felt sorry for how limited their lives were....
And what a release it was for me. I had so much room for good stuff in myself....I'd never realized how holding on to so much hatred affected everything I was.....until it was gone!!!!

I see this kind of senseless, irrational hatred on the blogs. There are people who simply want to hate the FLDS. Doesn't matter How often you present them with corrections to popular beliefs, they have just decided to hate.
It makes no sense to me. It just always seems to me easier to like people than dislike them. People aren't perfect. Everyone I know makes mistakes from time to time. But mistakes aren't the end of the world...and most people, if they find that something they are doing hurts someone else, they find ways to change what they're doing.
It just makes good sense. And most people have pretty good sense.

But these haters....boy, I just don't get it...
They say the ugliest, cruelest things. Without care for the readers. They ignore the fact that real live human beings are behind these posts. I've watched them write the most hateful things....things they would never say in "real life", to anyone....so why is it okay to type this crap in a blog?
Because they choose to be anonymous? Does that make them any less responsible when they hurt another person? How miserable these people must be in their own souls....how empty....

I can't imagine going through life without empathy and sympathy....and the joys of having friends....and the good feeling that comes with knowing I am trustworthy....
And the friends I have made in life because I tried very hard to not judge....and it does take lots of effort, sometimes...but the effort is so worth it....my life is so much richer for it....
I can only hope I have passed this on to my boys......

The Front Porch Begins!

Saturday our Great Front Porch Saga officially began.

Our house once had a beautiful old wrap-around porch. Sometime in the past, probably in the 'forties', it was modernized. The porch was cut off so only across the front of the house remained. The awnings were removed. Alot of the decorative 'victoriana' is gone.

I don't have the money to replace the whole porch. At least not right now. But I do want to rebuild the front so that it fits the 'period' of the neighborhood, better. And the old posts were getting terribly rotten....not tomention that several floor boards had broken off, or were about to. One took one's life in one's hands just crossing the porch to the door. It was a lawsuit waiting

to happen!

We had to put a canopy over the deck because it was raining and all of the floor boards had to be primed before they could go down....what a production that was! Try getting oil based paint to dry in the rain! We had fans blowing all day.....

Here are Josh And David taking a short break after demo was done....the entire porch was then laying in a huge heap in the yard....what a mess....all old, rotting wood, full of nails and ants....just waiting for Mama....me...to clean up!

You can see part of the pile at the end of the porch, peeking out from the forsythia bush.....

On Sunday the floor was laid...and the posts went up....

So this is where we are now...it's getting there...slowly, but surely...

Frogs and Front Porches and All Good Things Mundane....

Well dear world....here I sit, befuddled by life, again..... nothing earth shaking or of great moment...just my usual 'off in la la land' state....trying to work....

On the bright side, we have all sorts of baby frogs around the pond....little green frogs...most of them are brown, with just a bright green line by their lips....do frogs have lips?...anyway, a bright green line runs across their faces, near their mouths...

A couple of them are only a little more than an inch long...and a couple of them are 'croakers'...does that mean they're males? Who knows?

I just like sitting and watching them watch me....

I finally went and bought all the stuff to rebuild the front porch....hopefully that means it will actually happen...but who knows, it could all just sit piled on the deck for a year or two...wouldn't be the first time.....

I went to a local lumber yard. I could probably have saved a few dollars going to Lowe's or Home Depot, but I'd rather give my money to a local business when I can.

I'm excited. We're going to replace the big round columns with more victorian looking posts and fancier railings....it's been a long time coming...just never enough money....always some other urgent something....oh well....David's friend Eric and his brother have a pretty reputable home improvement business and they are going to do the work....with David and Josh and I as laborers...that should be a hoot!!!!!!

Next paycheck has to go for the mortgage and other bills, but then the next one can pay to repair the porch roof and then the front of the house will be in good shape. Next year I have to replace the whole roof on the house...that will be a monster. Going to start saving to do that right after Christmas. Hopefully I'll be able to save enough to have the chimney rebuilt, too...it's in pretty rough shape. I can see bricks starting to crumble...and it is listing pretty visibly...good thing no one here is expecting Santa....

I love my yard. In the front everything is pretty "normal". We just took out several dwarf pines along the front...and some sort of prickly ever green bush type stuff near the driveway. So it''s looking barren. But as soon as the porch is complete than I'll replant in those areas...and by next year the rhodes that I cut way back in front of the porch will have started to fill-in , again..

But then you get to the back yard....that's my wonderland!!!...It's almost jungle like....I have plants and flowers everywhere...no part of the season, from early April until mid-October is without color and blooms!!! Here's a picture I took last week from an upstairs bedroom window...You can sorta get a bit of the jungle flavor!...I LOVE IT!!!!!

You can't really tell from the picture, but it is a good sized yard...for in town, anyway...it's about 120 feet deep from the back door to the property line, and it's about fifty feet across....

The pond, which is way, way at the back looks like nothing in this picture, but it is 15X12...

This might give you a better sense of how large it is...





Anyway, my backyard is my sanctuary...it's where I can escape the world.....the waterfall makes a wonderful, light noise...there are always birds chirping and singing...often other critters visit...

I go through ten lbs. of roasted peanuts a week feeding the squirels...and another fifty lbs. of bird seed....

I think some of the fish may be getting sick, again...I'm seeing signs of tail rot, and the little black comet died very unexpectedly, on Monday. When I was able to look at him up close, he had some of the hemorragic stuff going on....so I'm going to start the anti-bacterial, anti-fungal treatment again....

The koi have decimated all of the floating plants...I've put them into a wading pool to try and get some life going in them...I don't know why...if I put them back in the pond, they'll just have all their roots eaten...












These are pics I took a few minutes ago...These guys are all at least six inches long and some are up to ten inches...they only look small because I was standing directly over them.....

Anyway, they're fun...alot more expensive than I would ever have thought...but fun...and most of them will eat out of my hand, now....so I've become 'Mama' to a bunch of carp...whodda thunk?????


So...life goes on.....I've been testy lately, with lots of folks...so I've gotta work on making amends....not a task I'm particularly good at....


oops...almost forgot...I took a picture of David a couple of weeks ago when he decided to climb the tree in front of the house and hang out over the street....literally....and I wanted to share that pic.....

And on this note...I'm off to get some work done......

The Boys, Christmas 2000

Well, it took some doing, but I scanned it and posted it, and here they are.
This isn't the entire group. It's all we could find one day just after Christmas 2000. The young man dead in the center is my oldest grandson. The others are 'the brothers';
from top left, clockwise...
Lil' Mike, Josh, Ollie, David, Big Mike, Rob, Doggie(Jason), with Sky in the center....
Some are biologically mine, others found their way in...the boys themselves, many years ago, decided to not tell anyone outside of the family who is bio and who isn't, so I honor that...
They are all mine!!!!!

Nightmares, Friends, and Bad Choices

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming sense of saddness and discontent. Perhaps it's the dreary, gray weather. More likely it is that the last thing I heard before I went to bed last night was the report of the indictments out of Texas and the FLDS.
I don't remember the details of my dreams. At least not often. I do remember the general 'theme' , most mornings. Last night I dreamt of dentists and the FLDS.
Don't ask me why....I know it's a weird combo...but I'm guessing it's because I have some really major dental work coming up and I was so upset about the indictments......But I awoke in a sweat...and feeling as though I hadn't slept. Tremors in my stomach from the monsters in the dark. I'm still feeling all sorts of discombobulated.

I'm not sure why, but for a long time I've felt a strong connection to these distant folks...long before the Texas debacle I began 'following' them. I would check in on the site of the local guy who took all the arial photos...and I would peer and peer at the pictures, trying to catch a glimpse of the people. And marveling at the steady growth of the community. I knew the photographer was no friend of the community's, but I felt grateful to him for the pictures...I knew they were invasive yet I felt they gave me something tangible to attach to my gut feelings....

As much as I loathe my step-mother, and as loathe as I am to give her any credit, for anything, I am, and always will be, thankful to her for instilling in me a strong sense of "I can do anything". Had my grandmother continued and completed raising me, I would probably have been far more retiring in my character and personality. Nana was, afterall, a southern lady. Very gentile in her demeanor. I am all that good southern women are taught is unholy and wrong.....

As much as I admire the FLDS women, and the Amish women, too, I am exactly opposite of them....
I am very much an "in your face" kinda person....right in there in the middle of the scuffle....I can cuss with the best of 'em....I can throw a straight, hard punch, when need be......I countenance very little b.s. in my life.....although, in my work, I have learned to sit through all sorts of b.s. and move forward, as it is part of the 'process' for folks. People have to get past vomiting garbage before they can come together to develop plans and concensus....but it has taken me years to do that...to even see the importance of that aspect of 'process'.....

And I have learned to hate 'process'....at the same time recognizing it is one of those 'necessary evils'....It is the only way that major change can occur and be real and sustainable. All of the stakeholders must feel ownership in identifying the need and the path to achieve the necessary change.
It is this 'process' stuff that has me so vexed and angry at the Texas mess. Process is fine for systemic changes....developing long range goals and work plans, mission statements, and guiding philosophies....but not in the dealings of everyday people...families and children and daily life.
Sometimes we need to just stop in our tracks and take account. We need to check ourselves. Make sure our goals are what they should be and our path to achievement is the right one.
You can't do that 'check' while in motion.
Mistakes are what they are. And we all make them. For a variety of reasons. And mistakes can have devastating consequences.....both personally and societally....that is why it is so important to build into our 'systems', whether it's our personal operating system, or a larger societal 'system', a set of measurements and balances...and a 'process' for accountability...without that, we are in constant motion without knowing if we are accomplishing anything, much less our goals....
Texas seems to be in constant motion without any checks or balances. Operating willy nilly. Operating without dialogue or concensus, on anything...operating without goals...
Seems like Texas had one big. visceral reaction to something strange and unknown and painted in the colors of 'the enemy'....seems like Texas, perhaps unwittingly, allowed itself to become a tool for a few angry, disenfranchised, extremely goal oriented, individuals....

I don't blame these individuals. They are simply doing what they have deigned necessary to attain their goals....they are only as successful as those they connect with allow. Texas gave them, and continues to give them, a huge boost..... and that is really scary....It's one thing when individuals buy their books and wring their hands...it may not be right, but it doesn't have any direct impact on the FLDS, or whomever the target is.....but when an entire state government buys into their agenda, well, that's scary....people get hurt....
Individuals wringing their hands and feeding thier own personal lust for the sensational can't empower armies, they can't manipulate the laws, or make new laws based on expedience, they can't set agenda's for governmental bodies......but empowered individuals in government can....and in Texas they did. And, based on watching Texas, empowered individuals in other states are following suit.....and that scares me to death....

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ADMITTING TO MAKING A MISTAKE!!!!!!!!
No one can unring a bell. But if the bell is out of tune, you know it the minute the vclapper hits....so you don't ring it a second time...certainly not a third time....
You stop ringing the damn thing, you take it down, you take it apart, and you start over...you essentially make a new bell...you ring the new bell and if it is true, wonderful...but if it still sounds crappy, you start all over...again, and again....until you get it right, or until you decide you don't really need the bell...all of which is predicated on constant examination of your original purpose for having a bell.....was that purpose a necessity or a luxury???...was it a bell to warn of fire or a bell to simply please the ear????
Can the original need for the bell be met in some other way? Does the need still exist? Was there really a need? or just a desire?
Texas needs to take stock.....
What was their original need? Why was it determined to be a need? What was the foundation for determining need? Was that a solid foundation? Does the need still exist. What are alternatives for addressing the need? Have we elected the 'right' alternative? Why? Why not? Who are the stakeholders? Were all of the stakeholders at the table? How can we bring all of the stakeholders to the table?
Etc., etc., etc.........
Acknowledge the mistake and move forward...don't let ego and false pride get in the way of doing what is right...don't let it get in the way of efficacy....
With efficacy comes the claim to real pride...and that is always sweet.....to know when you look in the mirror that you have done good....

People I have come to know....not personally....but in other ways, very, very personally, are being hurt.....
And, they are being hurt by a process that can be super-imposed over any set of folks or circumstances...this is just a prototype....and that is not just frightening, but mind boggling.....this is something antithesis to everything this country stands for.....
I am hurting for those who are being hurt, and I am scared for myself and others yet to be targeted....
I am all sorts of upset.....
And frustrated...
and feeling terribly impotent.....
My instinct to nurture...to cradle the hurt person and give them a lollipop, and make things all better is kicking in and I know it is impossible.....
This is worse than watching your child go through growing pains....this is a Stephen King movie where the ending hasn't been written and Stephen King has died......

Me and God....I Think We May Have A Truce.....

I've spent most of my life wrestling with religions.....or religious beliefs.....
Haven't found one, yet, that satisfies me...
I'm not even sure about the existance of God, or gods, or a higher power....
Maybe...maybe not...
I am sure there is a spiritual world....whether it is seperate from our known physical universe, or an alternate plain, I have no idea.....
What I am sure of are the concepts of good and evil, right and wrong, kind and mean....you get the idea....those precepts that distinguish us from all other animals......

If there is a God...and only one...then I think all the books....the bible, the koran, the talmud, the mormon scriptures, the sayings of confucious, etc. are divinely inspired....but they are written by humans.....they are guidance for living......they embody a living dynamic.......they are full of metaphors and parables and illustrations for living good, fufilling, decent lives.......

And if there is a God....and he/she is what all the major religions teach.....kind, loving, forgiving, understanding, patient, etc....then I think all the stories or wrathfullness and anger are just that...stories to scare...because humans learned, way back in the beginning, that fear is a powerful motivator......
It is only in recent times that we are beginning to learn that as powerful a motivator as fear is, it is also an extrodinarily damaging force...and it really doesn't work as well as we have historically believed....we are now learning that trust and kindness and egalitarianism go much further as forces of change than fear ever did.....

So...back to my struggle with religion....
I think I'm content with living as decent a life as I can, at any given moment in time....
I will always try to be fair. I will do as much as I can for others. I will give love with my whole heart, understanding that the heart has a boundless capacity to love. I will always try to be respectful, understanding that I will be more sucessful at times than others. I will try to not be mean. When I catch myself being mean, or mean-spirited, I will stop.....
And I will have faith, that if in the end, there is a God, He/She will judge me by my actions and forgive my transgressions....

In the meantime, I have another sick fish...who, if there is a God, is one of God's creatures...and it needs me to go medicate the water...I did manage to get him into a wading pool, out of the pond....so I can treat 75 gallons instead of 2,400....

Ah...............

Random Peeves

Really smart people never have to tell you they are really smart. It kinda emanates from them.

It's the 'almost really smart' ones that tell you how smart they are. Just in case you miss it......

Humble people don't tell you they are humble...kinda creates an oxymoron.....or just plain moron......

Empowered mediocrity is probably the scariest aspect of the American condition

It makes me crazy when people say the their God is an "all loving" god.....and go on to tell you that if you don't believe in Him, He's going to bannish you to hell for all eternity.....

If I had Matching Tupperware......(and pigs could fly)

I've always secretly known that the clue(s) to living well were in the tupperware....
well, not IN the tupperware...but your tupperware was a true indicator about your life.....

I've always thought that if only I had matching tupperware, everything else would have order and sensibility, as well.....thing is, I have NEVER had matching tupperware......I buy my tupperware at yard sales and the Salvation Army....I just can't bring myself to pay five dollars for a plastic container that a clean cottage cheese container would serve the same purpose as.....

I'm betting that the people who have matching tupperware are also the people who can keep a white shirt clean while eating ice cream or pasta....
They can shop at JC Penny's and be 'okay' with it......I bet if their tupperware matches, so do their towels....my towels sorta match....I have at least a half dozen that say "Hilton" on the tags...and another three or four that say "Raddisson".....and I have a bunch of beigy type ones from the Hershey area......
People with matching tupperware are the type that can just 'swoop' their hair up and it looks great....I really hate that type....they're the same ones who can wear cheap jewelry and it doesn't look cheap....and the heels of their shoes never get run down looking......

So, my life is going to forever be chaotic....and unpredictable........and messy.......

I Hate Neon Signs.......

I now know that the kid who works in the UPS store has a mother with a gambling problem, a sister who is a floozie, neighbors who party a bit too hardy, and a Dr.'s appointment next week to discuss gastric bypass surgery. I don't know his name, but I know his weight, height, age, and blood type.
I swear, I have a neon sign hanging over my head that says "sappy sucker", or perhaps, "schmuck who is too polite to tell you to buzz off".
It happens to me all the time. Grocery store lines are the worst. I'll do almost anything to avoid grocery store lines. I'll go shopping at 7 A.M. or 11 P.M. to avoid lines. They find me in lines....I try to let them go ahead of me. I try asking them to 'watch my cart' while I run for something forgotten. Nothing helps.....they tell me their life story. Or the story of the rotten daughter-in-law, or the awful teacher....
I once ended up driving a man, his wife, his sister-in-law, his mother, and one of his sons from Elmira to Scranton because we were both in line together at Sears. I stopped at Sears on my way out of Elmira, headed home, because tires were on sale, it was winter, and I needed tires, so it seemed like a good idea to get them before getting on the highway. The man and his family were in front of me in line, but there were several others in front of them....plenty of time to chit chat with the lady with the neon sign.....well, my new found 'friend' came up to his turn and it turned out his car was fatally flawed....undrivable....and it was a Sunday morning...he and his family had been to see Niagra Falls while his mother was in this country visiting...and they were on their way home to Scranton....a town I just happen to have to pass through on my way from Elmira to Stroudsburg. So now that the Mr. and I are best friends....what can I do but offer to take them home?????
That was the worst ride of my life. I'm a smoker. He's a doctor. (actually it turned out he is a cardio-vascualr surgeon) Couldn't smoke. The family was from India. Now I don't think I have any particular biases against folks from India. It just happens to be a reality of life that our bodies often give off an odor from spices in our diets. Their diet has plenty of curry in it....so in a closed up car the odor became pretty pervasive.
Now they are also a culture where the men take the lead....the women tend to be retiring in the presense of men. So the Mr. felt like he had to keep up a conversation with me for the entire 100 miles.....
When we arrived at their home they insisted that I come in for a 'light refreshment'. There was no way I could say 'no'....they were such nice people and they genuinely wanted to be nice as a 'thank-you'. Before I left the wife brought me the most beautiful silver bowl....it was truly lovely. And I have it to this day....
But the fucking sign...it's gotta go....it's just that every time I try to find the damn thing, it disappears.....I know it's there....
I mean I'm now obligated, for the rest of my life, everytime I go to the UPS store, to inquire after this kid, his health, and his family.....
Ggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....................................................

Even Mastercard Can't Buy Class.....

Maybe I'm a bit strange in my ideas, but somewhere along the way of life I started believing that real "class" is integrally connected to things like kindness and caring and good intuition about people's needs.....
Knowing when not to wear patent leather, and what 'winter white' is, or how to arrange flowers may be telltale signs of a somewhat dated social status, and I suppose, to some degree the kinds of 'people skills' I think of as 'classy' came hand in hand with those old money mores, but their transference to the newer generations have gotten lost in the mix.....
Enough new money to allow fringe mixing with old money will buy you access to mannerisms and rules of etiquette....but it won't buy you those deeply embedded social skills about how to treat others....new money breeds such an insidious, deep level of elitism that there is no room left for a fundamental understanding of social obligation and true gentile behavior.

On the other hand, there are folks out there with a seeming innate understanding of the subtleties of the human dynamic that don't have a pot to piss in.....
We've all met these folks. They're the ones who quietly lend a hand, or an ear, or a few dollars, without being asked. They're the ones who always tell you that you look wonderful. They're the ones who tell you they are so glad to know you. They're the ones who quietly help you see the cup as half full. They're the ones that never, ever vomit their own woes all over you. They are the ones who never eat in front of others without offering to share....sometimes insisting on it....they can stretch a meal to no end to make sure everyone there shares in the repast....
They know when a hug is needed, or just a smile....They're the ones who can give your hand that quick squeeze that says so very much.....
and there is no money in the world that can buy what these folks have....no money can make you the kind of person that makes everyone feel comfortable......
I have a neighbor who is one of these folks...actually I have a neighbor on either side of me that are both the most wonderful, kind, nice people you could ever want to know...both of them quirky....but both of the kind, warm, funny, decent, ethical folks....
And then I have another neighbor...
Lives a few doors up the street....
daughter of a judge, wife of an atty....mother of a monster child...
She has quite a bit of money....I don't know if she is 'rich', but they aren't hurting.....they just put an addition on their house that cost them in excess of 500K.....and she has very good taste...the house has been restored to it's original victorian charm, and the addition is completely consistent with the period, including the materials used...landscaping is impeccable....and I'm sure she is a major shareholder in Abercrombie as well as LL Bean......and I'm not sure if Ann Taylor and Jones NY carry large women's sizes, but if they do, she's got stock in them, as well....
Know the type????.....votes for most liberal causes...sits on the hospital board....does the MDA telethon....drives a Volvo....deadheads her flowers religiously.....and she is niiiiiiiiiiiiiice....sickeningly niiiiiiiiiiiiice....'cept with me...she won't make eye contact with me.....I once told her that her husband didn't know his ass from his elbow about good practices for children....and offered to teach him....ohmygod, I thought she'd have a cannary right there, on the spot....on the other hand, I was being sincere...her husband is often appointed GAL for local kids and I want him to be good at what he does....for the sake of the kids.....

Anyway....back to the bitch....she approached my super wonderful neighbor the other night and said...."I know you and your daughter are less fortunate than David and I. I wanted to let you know I'm having a tag sale on Friday and I thought if you wanted to make a few extra dollars you could set up a table in my yard and avoid having to pay for a permit."........well.........
When Rosie told me this I wanted to spit....puke...rip her head from her shoulders....I really wanted to throttle the bitch.....
And I know she thought she was being sensitive and kind.....she has no idea she is the most condescending, elitist bitch walking.....and she was insulting to one of the nicest people I've ever known.....

I don't know what yet, but I'm going to think of something really, really awful to do to her....something that will both humiliate and humble her......it'll come to me...I know it will....
'Cause I ain't got no class....and I don't give a hoot!!!!!!!

The Great Fish Saga Moves Forward....

Well....Yesterday I dosed the pond for the second time with the medication we recieved...it's called "Fungus Eliminator" and it's put out by a company called "Jungle"....

at sixty dollars for 34 dry ounces, plus nineteen for shipping, this stuff better work!!!!!!


I must say, all the fish look better...we did lose one little guy....but he was a runt...sorta malformed...all last year we kept expecting him to go belly-up...never did...till this mess got him....
He's now making a beautiful patch of lillies very happy, and healthy, I hope...


It turned out we had white/grey fungus, cotto fungus, hemorrhagic septicemia. fin rot, tail rot, several open bacterial lesions, and bladder disease....all going at once...not every fish had/has every problem, and all of them are improving...'cept the dead one....
But we had to drop the water volume by half....we have about a 2400 gal pond....we actually measured it for this medication....but because it is so expensive we halved the water....then did a 25% exchange....treated the water...waited four days, did another 25% exchange and retreated it....
Everyone's color is getting closer to normal....everyone has a voracious appetite....Big Blue is again eating from my hand....
No one is swimming upside down.....
Friday we're going to add a couple hundred gals of fresh water and put some plants back and see how things go....


Tai is arriving on Thurs. night so......Lord!....I hope things are more 'normal' this visit...


Josh and David have both been home since last Thurs......they both, along with Big Mike, got caught climbing without using their safety lines....so they are laid off till next week...and I'm close to homicidal.....
Can you imagine????....500+ feet up a tower without a safety line??????......it's one of those things a mother should never know about!!!!!
This is one Josh sent to my phone the first time he climbed....I was in the middle of a meeting and I let out some very strange noise when I looked at my phone.....where before that I was being relatively ignored, that got everyone's attention, in a hurry....I walked away with the store, that day....I think they all felt sorry for me.....

Tomorrow night I'm going out to dinner!!!!!.....I almost never go out, 'cept when I'm traveling for my job...but tomorrow is my neighbor's fiftieth b'day and another friend and I are taking her out!!!!....Whoopee!!!!.....in all my years I've never been out on a "girl's night out'...always struck me as kind of hokey...but I'm really looking forward to it...we're going to a local place...The Willow Tree...named for a huge old weeping willow out behind the place...which is in an old victorian home...overlooking McMichael's Creek...we're going to sit outside on the deck over the creek and drink and eat and be completely silly.....

And this would be my friend Sherri......the one who is joining me in taking Rosemary out....we've also asked Ryan to join us...Ryan is one of Sherri's 'adoptees'...she is also a collector of lost boys and needy folk.....and Ryan is great company....so we're making him an honorary 'one of the girls' for the evening....

So.....all is well in life....the fish are mending...I'm going out.....the days are warm....

Ahhhhhhhhhh..................