Just Ducky

Josh Is Finally Married!!!!!!!

2009-04-27T18:53:00.003-04:00

On a happier note.....

Josh just got married. I went down for his wedding and had a wonderful time.

They were doing it "simple" for now. Tai's dad has some major illnesses going and just in case...

Anyway, David and I were there, and Tai's sister and best friend and her parents....

Carolyn and Betty; It's A Strange Relationship

2009-04-10T10:33:00.005-04:00

Well, I'm not up on everything, but I have a general idea of where things are. So it would seem that it would be a good idea to offer something here for people to comment on.
I just watched the Opera Show and Carolyn Jessop was on. I guess she was on as a response to the show last week where Opera interviewed Betty.
As a small note; Opera said she did not believe Betty when Betty said something about not being aware of the under-aged marriages. I think that Betty left when she was barely 14 yrs of age and did not return until she was eighteen and Warren Jeffs was in jail. So, all though she may have met a couple of them, for the most part, she was not aware of them.
Carolyn looked fat. I'm not saying that because I think there is anything wrong with being fat. I'm saying that as a comment on Carolyn herself. She also did not look like she wanted to be on television. She was trying to keep her words low key. She actually did not say allot. She made a few comments about the lost boys, but she did not say they were "lost'. She said while she was there Warren Jeffs told as many as 100 boys to leave at one time.
She also said several things about Betty that were pretty innocuous, and then it was over.
Any thoughts?

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-02T09:02:00.003-04:00

Dear Everyone,
I am doing fine.
I am steadily recovering. I should be back up to my "normal" speed soon. I find reading very difficult. And writing is terrible, right now. I find it a lot more difficult to read and write than I do sitting and talkng. When I am sitting and talking, a person can guess what I am saying when I find myself vexed for words.
Anyhow, I wanted you to all know I am fighting and will be back some time soon!!!!!!!!!!
I start my speech therapy soon and then "Watch Out"...here I come.
Later, my friends.
Sincerely,
Regina

Another Twist in the Rozita Swinton Saga?

2009-03-11T12:28:00.005-04:00

Another blog has an interesting post.
This blogger has found what is either an error in the San Angelo Times article of last Sunday, or a whole new twist on the Swinton calls. The article posts a timeline of events, including when the FBI got the phone records. The records the FBI produced showed calls from Swinton going to the NEWBRIDGE shelter starting on the 22ND of March!
The blogger who has written about this has attempted to contact the San Angelo paper to no avail...
Here's the link to the blog...
http://soretoesandableedingheart.blogspot.com/
and a link to the San Angelo Times article
http://www.gosanangelo.com/news/2009/mar/08/arizona-the-center-of-flds-texas-warrant/

Who's a Mormon?

2009-03-11T09:07:00.004-04:00

Okay, this post has nothing to do with the FLDS, or any of the controversies with their community. This is purely to help me in my own quest to understand and learn.

Apparently the series "Big Love" is going to air a segment that has a scene that takes place inside a Mormon Temple, showing an "Endowment Ceremony". This has the LDS Church folks all upset. They say their Temple ceremonies are private, etc. and should not be shown.
Okay.

But here's my question...all that was just to set the stage, so to speak...
In all of the articles I have seen about this, the LDS Church refers to the fictional family in "Big Love" as "Fundamentalists" but not Mormon.
All through this, as I have been learning, I thought that all of the different Fundamentalist groups, the independent Fundamentalists, and the members of the LDS Church, were all Mormon. Just different sects. Or individual believers without specific affiliation with a sect. But all Mormons. All followers and believers in the faith of Joseph Smith.

Where is my error? How can an enormous group of people who all believe basically the same doctrine not all be Mormons?

Edited Copy of Pliggy's, Now Edited, Blog

2009-03-10T08:09:00.005-04:00

There is no need for me to write anything. I am simply copying Pliggy's blog to make sure as many people as possible read this.

Monday, March 9, 2009

How Texas Traced the Calls to Rozita Swinton
It must have been quite the day for ol Brooks Long, that Sunday, April 13th 2008. He had spent a week rounding up “victims” of “abuse” with his army of machine gun toting comrades, and just following orders by taking cell phones away from “guests” and breaking into buildings and confiscating children’s journals and computers, as well as breaking into a sacred Temple building safe and stealing the contents, all in his attempt to find Sarah Jessop Barlow, the victim who made all these desperate phone calls. Certainly he was enjoying his much needed day of rest. He was probably drinking his morning coffee when he realized that something was now troubling him, this tenth day after. Something he just needed to figure out that he had never thought about before.He probably thought along the lines of “Hmm, you know what, maybe those guys at the gate ten days ago might have been on to something. They did prove to my buddy Doran that Dale Evens Barlow was a long ways away, but I didn’t want to stop this wonderful force that George Bush would be proud of from invading the “dirty plig” paramilitary compound. So when they said we aught to check the phone number and trace it, they might have been on to something. But I certainly don’t want to give them credit. They are the bad guys”So he called up a perfect stranger in the Colorado Springs Police Department and asks him about it. Yes, it was no strange thing that he called the police department rather than the phone company; that is how all phone numbers are tracked down I am sure. If you want to know who is calling you on your phone, just call the police department of the area code on your phone silly.It was all only a coincidence that he just happened to speak to the very guy who knew about a crime using the exact phone number he gave him too. That is just fantastic, this guy he calls on Sunday the 13th actually recognizes one of the phone numbers, wow!It was a phone number that he was sure had been blocked ten days ago, but realized just that day, the 13th of April that it never had been blocked. It was just another fantastic coincidence that he was able to reach Sean on Sunday, as Sergeant Mandel was not even working out of the CSPD office, he was working for the FBI and was not associated with the rest of the force. But it was a coincidence for sure, for sure. Why would you doubt that?Well this was great, Long discovers that what the men at the gate of the YFZ ranch said was exactly right, the phone call was a hoax, ruining all he was hoping was true about the raid. But being the honorable Ranger he is, he asks CSPD to arrest this woman named Rozita Swinton so they could pretend to begin an investigation, certainly now on the 13th she was a person of interest, having the same phone number and all. So Long speaks to Mandel and he tells his coworker that he doesn’t work with, Sergeant Hugh Velasquez in the sex crimes department, and Velasquez passes the info on to Detective Terry Thurmston, all on Sunday, the 13th of April. Certainly this is standard procedure. Thurmston goes the next day, on Monday the 14th, calls Brooks and verifies Swintons phone number ect, and arranges for the arrest warrant. Which they serve two days later when a couple of the Texas Rangers fly in.Move along folks, nothing to see here…From the Affidavit in the arrest Warrant for Rozita Swinton:"On April 13, 2008, I [CSPD Detective Terry E. Thurmston] was contacted by [CSPD sex crimes division]Sergeant Hugh Velasquez (1514D) regarding information he had obtained from [CSPD, FBI task force] Sergeant Sean Mandel. Sergeant Mandel told Sergeant Velasquez he had been contacted by the Texas Rangers in regard to their investigation into the Yearning for Zion (YFZ) Ranch. Sergeant Mandel related Texas Ranger Brooks Long had advised he had two cellular telephone number listings from the Colorado Springs area (719-351-0913 and 719-243-2866). Sergeant Mandel was aware that the phone number, 719-351-0913, that was possibly related to the reporting party for the YFZ Ranch incident in Eldorado, Texas, was also identified in a prior CSPD case report.“On April 14, 2008 I [CSPD Detective Terry E. Thurmston] spoke with Texas Ranger Long and confirmed telephone number 719-351-0913 was in fact a local Colorado Springs telephone number associated with Rozita Swinton. I informed Ranger Long that Rozita Swinton was known to make false reports of sexual abuse to the police and other agencies. The Texas Rangers advised they would be responding to Colorado Springs to conduct further investigation.”P.S.The “only” [cough, cough] problem with our story, is Hugh McBryde spoke personally with Sergeant Sean Mandel, and Sean told him that he had never even spoken to Brooks Long at all, but rather he was contacted by his boss at the FBI in Colorado, Steven A Smith, who had been contacted by an FBI agent out of San Angelo TX. Hugh also spoke to Steven A. Smith, who did not know the name of the FBI agent he spoke to and couldnt pin a date, the dates too are uncertain as to when they were contacted he says and he did not open a case when he gave the assignment to Sean. Certainly the Rangers hadn't found this out earlier, certainly it was all done in the short time of one or two days. Certainly it wasn’t early enough for them to stop the raid. And Certainly this was not a manufactured story to cover up the fact that Texas ALREADY knew it was Rozita, as much as a ten days earlier right?Right?Right?
Posted by Pliggy at 11:53 PM 0 comments
Labels: Kidnapped children, Persecution, prank call

FLDS: Persecution or Persecution Complex?

2009-03-10T07:38:00.002-04:00

Persecution Complex:
An unfounded feeling that others have evil designs against one's well-being.
Persecution:
Others have evil designs against one’s well-being.

Lot’s of people do not like the FLDS.
Well, that’s a pretty benign statement, unless, of course, you happen to be an FLDS member. The closer you get, geographically, to the FLDS, the more overt the dislike becomes.
If you’re a waitress, you take a bit longer to give slightly less service. If you’re a cop, you write a ticket instead of give a warning. If you’re in the area, you drive through town staring. If you’re a clerk in the municipal building, you make them wait just a tad longer…for everything. If you’re a school child, you call them “dirty plygs”.
And worse.
If you are an FLDS mother, you teach your children that it is important to love everyone, all the while shielding them from the stares of strangers. Rushing them inside when a car drives by a bit too slowly. Quickly diverting their attention when a scantily clad woman enters the store you’re in. Teaching them to say their brother is their cousin when they go to school, knowing if they say otherwise, they will be mocked and bullied.
If you’re a young person in the FLDS it makes the job of loving everyone terribly hard. And terribly inconsistent with your experiences. It makes the job of trusting anyone outside of your community a monumental task.

If the entire history of the Mormon people is full of legitimate stories of Mormons being persecuted, and if much of the persecution has taken place in the lifetimes of people you know and love, it serves only to compound the distrust.
If every time you open a newspaper or listen to the radio, there are reports of people you know, and love, being described as despicable criminals, it makes it both terribly confusing and terribly hurtful.

If this has been a person’s life experience, and now, suddenly, they are being asked to interact with outsiders, it is understandable that there is very real apprehension. That the distrust is natural and real, and founded in having been hurt and watching loved ones be hurt.
Compound this with having lived in a relatively closed community with a subtle yet important difference in language and its use, from mainstream society. Understand that the outside world uses language in ways that are completely alien to the FLDS’ entire experience, and there is no guide book to teach about it. Imagine that sarcasm and innuendo and double entendres are not a part of someone’s experience, and they have to come into our world and navigate without understanding these common twists in how we use everyday language. Understand that those permutations of language have either never been there, or have slowly devolved as individuals have, in following their teachings, worked harder and harder at being straight forward, saying what they mean, and not involving themselves in duplicitous everyday behaviors, so there is no need to have a language system reflective of that. That even humor is straightforward, clean, and not made at the expense of another in demeaning ways.

So now you have people who have lived their entire lives knowing they were generally disliked and/or grossly misunderstood by the outside world. They have individually all experienced that dislike in their interactions with outsiders. Some more than others, but it is inescapable, all together. And these same people now find themselves in a situation where they are choosing to interact in order to help change this paradigm. So they do little things like come on-line to the blogosphere to ask questions of some, and give answers to others. Navigating in a world of language.
Navigating in a world where they are outnumbered by their detractors by an enormous margin. Challenged to try to help shift the thinking of their detractors, using language. Detractors who have themselves used ugly language directed at them.

Those that interact more, obviously begin to pick up on the nuances faster. After awhile, they “get it”, for the most part. And they begin to use language in the same way. However, because we don’t ever, on either side, really acknowledge or understand, this language barrier, it is easy for mistakes to happen. It is easy for perceptions to be different than the writer intended. It is easy to react to what we think we are reading, based on our personal understanding of the language, all the while being completely wrong.

This perception/understanding dilemma is part of the downside of blogging for everyone. It is enormously compounded for people, like members of the FLDS community, who have unacknowledged cultural differences in language from the larger community of outsiders they are interacting with.
In a multi-dimensional interaction these differences would be far more quickly overcome. In the blogosphere that doesn’t happen so easily.
Rather than accuse members of the FLDS community of having persecution complexes, or getting angry at how they respond to what we are saying, and how we are saying ‘it’, perhaps we can each try to better understand the FLDS perspective and experience. If based on a person’s response, we know they have misunderstood our intent, perhaps it would further good communication, and foster a possible trust, to simply re-explain what we are trying to convey. If we are being humorous, using sarcasm, and it is not picked up, explain it. Don’t react to the reaction!

We can each only be responsible for our own behaviors. Even here, on line. But if our real purpose is to help reshape how we understand and interact with the FLDS community, then an excellent starting point is in understanding and overcoming language barriers. Let this be an experience that is a learning one for all of us.

Interesting Move From Judge Conn on Jeffs' Motion. Is it Kosher?

2009-03-09T16:59:00.004-04:00

The Deseret News reported this afternoon that Judge Conn has decided to wait until after the Texas Court rules on the admissibility of items seized in the April YfZ raid before his ruling.
Deseret News article
The hearing challenging the warrants is scheduled in May in Judge Walther's Court.

I keep thinking there is some conflict in having the issuing judge be the judge to decide on the admissibility of the warrants. Seems like just a tad bit of a conflict, to me. I'm not familiar with the Texas system, but here in Pa., I'd petition the President Judge to assign the hearing to another judge who was not involved in the issuing stage of the warrant(s).

I'm also wondering what happens iof this Texas judge admits the evidence and there is a conviction, that is not upheld on appeal, what happens to anything that has gone forward in Arizona?
I'm also wondering if this is going to open a nasty can of worms in the Arizona Court? Will the state's attorneys now use "evidence" they otherwise would not have?

What does this decision to delay do to Jeffs' right to a speedy trial? Is this an undue delay?

Can a state trial court judge decide to defer to a ruling from the equivalent judiciary level ruling in another state?

How Do People Percieve the Dress of the FLDS?

2009-03-09T12:08:00.001-04:00

I often see the dresses of the FLDS women referred to in negative ways.
Most people identify the dress of the Amish and their horse and buggies as quaint.

What's the difference?...not the doctrinal difference...but the perceptions?

Meet Molly, Our Newest Family Member

2009-03-09T10:38:00.003-04:00

I wrote, not long ago, about my beautiful Becka going to the Rainbow Bridge. I miss Becka everyday. She was my wonderful companion and friend. Through Becka, I came to love the large hounds. So..

In the spirit of Becka, we have adopted Molly.

Here she is on the grooming table, about to get her nails done for the first time and she's none too sure she likes this experience....

Molly is a sweet, gentle, Black and Tan Coon Hound. She's six months old and already had a really crappy life.

Molly and her mother and four litter mates were abandoned and left to starve in West Virginia. When they were found, they were all near death. They went to a foster home in Florida where they were not properly cared for and ended up even sicker. As soon as the rescue organization learned of this, they were moved to a foster home in Virginia. From there, Molly was adopted by a young lady in New Jersey. This young lady really loved Molly, but she is a college student, constantly on the go, and she also couldn't properly care for Molly. So now we have her.

We got her a couple of weeks ago, and have completely fallen in love with her. She is wonderful!

She gets along well with Katie and Jake, our other dogs...and so far, the cats haven't swiped her very inquisitive nose....

Brooke and the Trib Have Sprinkled Salt in the Wounds of the FLDS

2009-03-06T08:13:00.010-05:00

Brooke Adam's article on the front page of yesterday's Salt Lake Tribune may have been seen as fair and newsworthy by many, but for the FLDS community, it served no purpose save to rip the scab off a wound barely starting to heal, and pour salt directly on it.
While Brooke's note of explanation, and acknowledgement of the feelings of the community, that she posted on her blog is appreciated, it does little to assuage the terrific hurt felt by those who love Warren Jeffs. Perhaps this is the nature of being a reporter in the "big leagues".

Here is Brooke's blog post:
http://166.70.44.68/blogs/plurallife/2009/03/listening-to-the-lord/
(I don't know why, but I can't get it to show as a link. You'll have to cut and paste. Sorry.)

These words, written in a short note I received early yesterday begins to capture the general sentiment in the community;
"I didn't read the article, just the first couple lines and didn't want to read more. How can someone see such a different man in him than how I see him? He doesn't control me, he never has. He has, however, given me sweet and sound advice from time to time and if I chose to follow it, I do. How do Brooke and others think the flds have stood strong....and true.... lo these many years, but for the teachings and examples of the Prophets?"

I communicate, back and forth, with half a dozen or so women in the FLDS community, and these were the same kinds of words I heard all day, yesterday. As word of the article spread, so did the renewed anger and hurt.
For these people, the steadfast followers of Warren Jeffs the Prophet of the FLDS Faith, there is no need or desire to read his private writings. There is no need or desire to know his private thoughts or his business dealings on their behalf.
Their individual, and group, experiences with Warren Jeffs are the foundation for their abiding faith in his position as their Prophet. From that perspective they have experienced a gentle man. They have experienced a man who has given good, sound, caring advice to them. He is a man who has been humble in his carriage, calm in his approach to crisis and hardships, and giving of his time and belongings to those in need. He has had the capacity to draw people together, convey and teach the messages of God, and model the behavior of the righteous.

Each and every person knows full well Warren Jeffs is human. Each person knows that as a fellow human being he will sometimes falter. He will sometimes make mistakes. He will sometimes experience all of the frailties inherent in the human condition. This is the nature of a Prophet on this earth. To walk amongst us, with us, and be of us, the people. Some will recognize him as a Prophet of God. Some will not. Some will deny him. Some will accept him. And for those who accept him as their Prophet, there is no need to know the mundane or the earthly aspects of his person. There is the need to accept him as their guide to living a life of righteousness that will bring them closer to God, and the rewards of the afterlife.

To see his private thoughts, and the private interactions he had with their friends, family members, and fellow members of the faithful being picked over like the carcass of a jack rabbit who has died in the desert is extraordinarily painful. This picking and pandering does nothing but solidify their faith that this man is the true Prophet in their lives. That he, his life, and his loved ones, would be so subjected is yet another of the many trials that his faithful know God will bring before Zion is achieved. So they will bear this quietly, and with dignity.

But for those of us who have come to know and respect many of the individuals in this community, standing quietly by is not an option.
We each feel the need to speak out and tell you, our fellow gentiles and outsiders, that this salacious picking and devouring and souring of the private words of a respected and loved religious leader is ugly, demeaning , and speaks to our basest inclinations.

Rather than sit in judgment of a people who have made a choice each of us has not, and perhaps would not, make, we each need to understand that the faith of the FLDS community is so strong, and the fundamentals of their teachings so adamant about love and forgiveness as their constant guidance, that we need to respect that. We need to respect the fact that they are intelligent people. They have not been led blindly. They have made a choice to put their lives in the hands of God. If errors or mistakes have been made, they will work to correct them, strong in their faith that God, through the act of inspiring their leaders and Prophet, will show them the way to Him. That if God is paving the way for change in their community, it will be because He has inspired it. Not because anyone in the outside world has demanded it.

Irrespective of the opinions or writings of anyone outside the faithful, the FLDS will continue to love and respect a man that has constantly, and consistently, guided them in their journey toward Him. And irrespective of what any outsider, including Brooke Adams, says about their "intent", the faithful will shun all attempts to take them down a path that is not righteous. And that includes all attempts to demean their faith in, and respect for, Warren Jeffs as their Prophet and guide through their earthly journey.

Dancin' a Little Dance...Over the FLDS /YfZ Search Warrants

2009-03-05T19:50:00.005-05:00

I'm rarely a braggart. I toot my own horn, from time to time, especially if someone challenges my credentials, but I'm generally pretty low key....at least in that regard...
But I'm feeling a little like dancing a tiny bit of a jig, here...
In today's gosanangelo there's an article about the ongoing challenge to the validity of the warrants executed at the YfZ Ranch back in April...
The warrants that allowed every one's lives to be turned upside down and resulted in all the terrible things we are all too familiar with...
Anyway, here's the link to the article, http://www.gosanangelo.com/news/2009/mar/05/arizona-the-center-of-flds-texas-warrant/

Now, the reason I want to do my little jig is that Charles P. Bubany, adjunct professor of law at Texas Tech University and an expert in state criminal procedure, says that ultimately, the deciding issue is whether the rangers and other law enforcement involved did due diligence in establishing the veracity of the complainant...of establishing that "Sarah" existed....
And that is exactly what I have been saying since last April!!!!
I'm feeling just a little bit vindicated since Blues and Ron and just about everyone else said my assessment was so wrong!!!
I kept saying that the linchpin was going to be that they had ample time to verify the caller and failed to produce even the most rudimentary effort. They did not trace the calls, they did not attempt to contact any of the leadership at the ranch....and they waited five days!

So, this old grandma is up here in Pa. dancing a little dance.....

Defining Decency, Happiness, and Success; Cultural Differences in the FLDS

2009-03-05T06:25:00.008-05:00

To be a decent person. To be happy. Those are the two main things most people say when asked what they want for their child.
We then proceed to raise our children in such a way that constantly challenges the possibility of those two elements, at every juncture of our society. For better or worse, we raise our children to measure decency and happiness by standards of a world of consumerism run amok and competition built into every aspect of living. Double standards, duplicity, and deceit are so much a part of our daily lives we have lost all awareness of there existence and the insidious nature of how they erode the soul.

What most people really want for their children is for them to be successful in their own world. If they can eke out some happiness, and also manage to be reasonably decent in the doing, those are bonuses, but not requisites. So we raise our children with the tools and expectations of success. And those tools become paramount. Whether we mask them with other names or not is irrelevant. They are the tools for success in the world the parent identifies with. Everything from how we dress to how we look at sexuality to what classes we take and what sports we enjoy. We shape and mold our children in the image we want, or wanted, for ourselves.

Although physically located dead in the middle of America, the FLDS have maintained a culture that has not evolved in the same way as the rest of us. When they state a desire to raise their children as decent people, with the hope that they are happy it is a literal statement. It is unencumbered by the accoutrements of gearing for success in today’s larger world. That is an entirely foreign concept for most of us. We hear and interpret their words with our filters. We interpret what we hear with our subliminal understanding of what something means, and our own standards firmly in place in our thinking. Because the words are the same, we cannot seem to set aside our meaning for those words.

To the FLDS parent, there is a fundamental and unquestionable belief that with decency and happiness comes success. Not the other way around. If you are decent you will be happy. If you are happy, you will be successful. And all three words are defined very differently for everyday life than we commonly define them;
Decent = learning, understanding, believing, and following God’s word. Living in righteousness. Being kind, fair, loving, generous, non-judgmental, and all of the things knowing God’s word commands.
Happiness = The knowledge that you dedicate every day to achieving being a decent person. It allows you, no matter how difficult the work has been, to feel good. To feel your spirit fill with happiness.
Success = Walking in righteousness, that has come from working hard, everyday to live decently. And understanding that it is lifelong work to remain successful.

To begin to understand the FLDS culture, you have to shed away all your built in beliefs of what those three words mean and see them as defined this way. And see them as the primary guidance that each and every member of the FLDS community lives and measures their life by. Not by possessions, money, social standing, career choice, or anything else. And it is by these definitions their children are raised.

I want to share this beautiful, short video with everyone, if the link posts properly...

Amazing grace in Rome
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid271552717?bctid=1913313052

FLDS and the Amish, So Similar, So Different

2009-03-04T05:37:00.004-05:00

I live in Pa. Home of the Eagles and the Steelers and the "Pennsylvania Dutch" and the Amish community in Lancaster County.
Often in the discussions about the FLDS community, I see parallels drawn to the Old Order Amish Communities across the country. And, there are many legitimate parallels to be drawn.
They are both relatively closed communities. They both have a dress code that stands out. They have both shunned many of the typical amenities of modern life. Both groups are known for being hard working, industrious people. Both groups have very strong patriarchal cultures. Both groups have very strict religious tenets and expectations of their followers. Both groups work toward self sufficiency.
The similarities go on and on....

I want to talk about one stark difference that came to my attention recently.

Lancaster County, and the surrounding area, is a hub of tourism. Particularly in the nicer weather months. It is rolling hills and family farms and small hamlets and towns. It is green and lush and dotted with old covered bridges. Horses and buggies from the Amish Community are regularly seen on the roads and in parking lots. Tourists are often family groups, full of happy children and smiling adults, out for a day in the country. There are many Amish and Mennonite run businesses, and Amish farms are easy to spot with their big windmills, and absence of electrical wires and cables going to their homes and barns.
At the big 'farmers market' and large flea markets, there are many Amish vendors and the tourists flock to them, happy to say hello and stare in a mix of curiosity and friendliness at the old fashioned clothing. They ask questions, full of admiration, about the 'simpler way of life'. There is no animosity.
There is a working replica of an Amish farm that tourists flock to and love. They treat the rooms and property with a great deal of respect. There is a waiting list to be allowed to be a volunteer helping with the care and maintenance of the farm.

Yesterday I had a note from a friend of mine who lives in the twin towns. In "Shortcreek". She was telling me how nice the spring weather they are having is. How all of the children have "Spring Fever". She was telling me about the big, tall, beautiful, but prickly, flowers she is planting all along the front of her yard. She told me they will help hide the fence and give better cover for her children from the staring eyes of the angry, hostile strangers that drive through their hometown.

It struck me square between the eyes and deep into my heart, that the comparison to the Amish had a very stark ending.

FLDS, DNA, CPS, Babies, Who's the Victim?

2009-03-03T07:48:00.004-05:00

I had wanted to keep this blog limited to discussing specific aspects of life in the FLDS communities that have been misunderstood, or sensationalized by mainstream media. However, this "situation" has made it's way into the news in the last two days and it has me terribly confused. So I thought I'd reach out here for a little clarity.

Let me lay out what I understand to be "the facts", first;

1. Last April, when the children were taken from YfZ Ranch, this particular young lady was sixteen, almost 17 years old. (Her birthday is in August)
2. She was pregnant. Her baby was born, full term, (no one has said otherwise), in June.
3. The mother retained custody of the baby and they were released together with all of the other children.
4. So, since no one knows the precise length of gestation for this particular baby, it is a fair assumption that she became pregnant right around the time she turned 16.
5. Legal custody of this young lady has been retained by Texas CPS since last April.
6. I haven't seen a reason stated for having retained custody, although I am guessing it s because of her age when she got pregnant. CPS is probably making a claim that her parents failed to protect her.
7. CPS is alleging, apparently based on information from the "Bishop's list", that she was "married" at age 14.
8. The baby that was born has never been alleged to be a 'victim'. CPS did not retain custody of the baby. Since they publicly acknowledge having non-suited all but two of the children, including this young lady, and we know Merrianne is the other, there is no CPS involvement with the baby.
9. There is no basis for them getting involved. There has been no accusation of abuse or neglect. There has been no witnessing of abuse or neglect.
10. CPS retaining legal custody of this young lady is based on her alleged 'victim' status and the alleged inability of her parents to protect her. The baby's well being has never been an issue. Decisions this young lady chooses to make about, or for, her baby has never been the subject of CPS involvement.

So this is where I get confused. CPS want the DNA from the baby to use, potentially, as evidence that a crime has occurred. The mother of the baby refuses to allow CPS to have anything to do with her baby. There are no complaints or allegations concerning this baby's well being that would trigger an investigation. So now they are "creating" a need to investigate, based on them having not had access to the baby.
If a child welfare worker finds out that a young lady in a public high school, who is sixteen, years old, has a baby, and the worker is told the baby's father is much older than the mother, and there are no other complaints, no allegations of mistreatment or neglect, that worker does not have the right to demand to a. see the baby, and b. take a sample of the baby's DNA, for any purpose.
So where is their right to do this with this baby? How do they make the leap that says that not only is their concern and involvement based on the age, and alleged marital status of the young lady, but it now extends to the baby, shifting the mother from 'victim', to potential perpetrator, or 'abusive or neglectful parent'?
Then, because of the reasonable fear this young mother has, based on her own experiences, she defies CPS, and refuses them involvement in her baby's life, they somehow use this refusal as 'prima facia' evidence of neglect?
And they are still hell-bent on collecting DNA, which I can't figure out how they have a right to?

If, as a parent, I choose to allow one of my children to live with a responsible friend or relative, for whatever reasons, which are mine, and mine alone, I have a right to do so. I can send my child to live in Hong Kong or Istanbul, as long as the people I am giving permission to care for my child are responsible adults and are willing to provide parental care in my stead. The state has no jurisdiction in this private matter. Perhaps I am not capable of caring for my child. I have then made a reasonable alternative choice. It is my right to make that decision for my child.
The state only has the right to step in and investigate when there is an allegation that my child is being abused or neglected as a result of my parenting, or my allowing other circumstances to put my child at risk.

Now, I agree, the ruse of taking in another child for DNA testing was pretty silly, however, it is also, from the perspective of a young mother who herself was mistreated at the hands of CPS, a reasonable response to enormous fear. Perhaps the court needs to take a compassionate view of this young mother. Perhaps the court needs to recognize that, indeed, this young mother is a victim. Not of her lifestyle and community, but rather, of the system that invaded her life.

So, we have a young woman, who is under CPS supervision based on alleged actions of her parents, who has a baby, that is not under CPS care or supervision, that CPS wants to take DNA from, based on a 'suspicion', and the mother doesn't want to allow DNA to b taken, and has voluntarily, perhaps, which is her right, placed her child with a trusted adult for care, and now the court is being asked to evaluate the mental health of the young woman to determine if she is a fit mother?
None of this makes any sense!!!!!!

I've linked the article from 'gosanangelo' below...but it doesn't unmuddy the waters, either...I am really confused!!!!
If anyone can offer any clarity, I would greatly appreciate it!
http://www.gosanangelo.com/news/2009/mar/03/breaking-news-cps-seeks-psych-evaluation-for-mom/

Brooke Adams, The Plural Life, and the FLDS Community

2009-03-01T19:16:00.003-05:00

Okay. I've had a gazillion emails about this. I've read about it. I've blogged about it. Mary Batchlor has gotten hammered about it. Bill Medvecky hammers about it.
As Mary Batchlor did last night, I am going to say my piece and then that's it.

Most of us have read reams and reams of reports and news articles about the FLDS, and their detractors. And Brooke has always been the blog author and reporter we have 'come back to'. Now that I have stopped posting on her site, and have a little distance, I have realized the reason I always gravitate back to Brooke, it is her lack of bias.
Even with the Jeffs' dictations, she did not publish them. She did not link to them. She took out small portions that directly related to topics she had written on in the past, and used the dictation information to "fill in the blanks".
As wrong as the release of the dictations was, and as personally offensive as their release is to the FLDS community, they were released, and they are part of the public collection of documents and information. They are newsworthy from that perspective.
Each of us has to decide for ourselves whether to read them, or not. Each reporter has to decide to what extent they will use, or post them.
Brooke doesn't write to make anyone happy. She doesn't write to make friends, or enemies. She writes the truth, as best as she can glean it from everything that is out there. She does her best to also write the "back story" on her blog about many of the aspects of this mess that make the news. For many of us she gave the FLDS community a personal face when all the rest of mainstream media made the community out to be a collection of robots in prairie dresses and blue jeans.
I am sorry she didn't write anything publicly about the angers and hurts that the papers' release has caused in the FLDS community. On the other hand, I don't get to tell Brooke, or anyone else what to write. And also on the other hand, she has been quite judicious in her use of the papers.

No one is going to be happy with everything she writes. This story is so big, and has so many twists and turns, she is going to displease everyone at one time or another....but for me, I'm glad there is a Brooke Adams writing. I'd hate to leave the telling to the Watkiss ilk....
Now this doesn't herald a return to her blog, for me...I will go and read the posts...probably not the comments...
Because as much as I have calmed down toward Brooke...and realized how much I value reading her "take" on things...I really, really dislike the nastiness and ugliness of the new 'regulars' on her blog...so I'll steer clear, thank you very much!

The FLDS and Raising Healthy, Happy Children

2009-02-28T08:05:00.004-05:00

This isn't the whole of it...that would be an enormous task...but hopefully, this is a glimpse into a world where raising decent, happy children is taken very seriously...

When we first heard about the raid in Texas, and saw the pictures of all the beautiful, sad looking children being herded onto buses, our hearts bled for them. Then we heard all the reports of how deprived they were. And we heard how they were raised so rigidly, and had so little, and were constantly disciplined using the sternest of corporal punishments. And oh my goodness, every mother's heart was broken. We heard how the fathers made the mothers do these horribly stern, abusive things.....and the whole country wanted to swoop down on Texas and care for these poor, poor children.....and to save these women who were so brainwashed and cowed that they would hurt even their own children for these awful men!!!!

Then the "back stories" started creeping out. We heard from nameless mental health workers how sweet and well behaved the children were. We heard from staff in the residential centers how lovely the children were. We heard how bright they were. We heard how they were all at or above grade level with their education. We heard how the older children helped so willingly with the younger one. We saw pictures of Teresa who had scrambled up a tree in front of the San Angelo courthouse...being a typical, happy, playful teenager.....
The other pictures started emerging...pictures of children playing, and laughing and climbing fences and snuggling with farm animals....and swinging on those wonderful big swings in Cottonwood Park.....
And individual stories made their way to us...I remember reading a story, last summer, about one mother who went out and bought two parakeets for her children so they could learn responsibility through caring for and loving these beautiful song makers...and it touched my heart, what a wonderful way to teach.....

Well, the incongruity of the horror stories with what emerged as the reality, was striking.....
Over all, these were delightful, normal, beautiful children. With good manners, and amazing resilience. Since I have worked in the world of children and families with behavioral challenges for so long, it caught my attention! How could you have such a large group of children, who should, statistically anyway, have some portion with serious behavioral issues, be so happy, resilient, and well adjusted? So I've been watching pretty closely.....I wanted to know how they had accomplished this...
Was it harsh discipline? Would the problems show up on closer observation? Were the images staged and crafted? Were they children behaving out of fear?

Hogwash! This community, these individual households, were regularly doing intuitively, what we in Children's Behavioral Health are just beginning to promote as "excellence in childcare", or the "Gold Standard" of practice. They are living, breathing models of what we have structured a whole industry around...they walk the walk of every parenting class taught.....

The children have structure. They have unwavering predictability in their lives. (except when child welfare comes crashing in on them, their lives, and their stability) They have the assurance of a roof over their heads, beds to sleep in, ample food to eat. The basics are always there and sure.
Then we get to those intangibles that have made such a difference. Remember "keeping sweet"? Remember how a big part of "keeping sweet" is staying calm? Imagine the difference it makes to children who have parents who work at, and truly value, a calm presentation! Imagine how different a child's experience is when they have parents who think about what they are going to say, or do, before they do it. What would it be like for children if every parent had heard, their entire life, that teaching with love is the only way that is acceptable?
Now, add to their lives, the absence of television and video games. Add lots of song. Music, not hard rock and roll or hip-hop, but old fashioned classics and spiritual music, being a big part of everyday. Throw in a good measure of families doing things together. Preparing meals, praying, gardening, farm work, community clean-ups, house cleaning, family hikes and outings....lots of time together.....and all the talk and laughter and silly mishaps that go with all of that activity...
On top of all that, throw in a healthy measure of hearing, everyday, how wonderful and valuable you are. Throw in lots of hugs....hugging and touching, whether it is doing hair, or buttoning the collar of a shirt, or helping to straighten the shoulders of a coat, are a big part of their lives. Unlike us, who push physical independence almost from birth...FLDS mothers nurse all of their children...they touch their children...and they tell them how much they love them, constantly....

Now I'm not trying to paint a picture of Nirvana, here. Every family and every child has challenges, from time to time. Every child stomps his or her foot occasionally. Every child learns the word "NO", early on, and to the complete frustration of parents.... "No!" is only cute for about ten seconds, the first couple of times...it is obnoxious for the next 18 or so years. And there are certainly parents, no matter how well meaning, get frustrated and behave badly. That is just the nature of our human beast. What makes things in this community different, is how those aberrations, even from parents, is handled.
One of the things I read in the Jeffs papers, is about a child who was bed-wetting, and a mother who made the child sit in the wet bed for hours, to teach that bed wetting is wrong....
Well, we know this isn't a good way to teach this lesson. We know that this is probably a very frustrated parent, not a bad child. So what was so interesting to me was that Jeffs addressed the issue, not be being angry and harsh, but by reteaching to many mothers, together, that kindness, love, consistency, discussing, trying new things, etc. was the way to always approach children. Never harshness or embarrassment, etc. And he did this in a way that "walked the walk". He made sure that everyone got the lesson. For those that were already doing it, it was a simple reinforcement. For those who had gotten off track, it was a reminder. No one was embarrassed or shamed. The opportunity for change was made easy and supported...and how to handle the child was demonstrated through how the adults were handled. Jeffs may not have a PhD in child psychology, but his instincts about how to handle people, and how to get them to produce the desired behaviors is remarkable! And the fact that he is a "do as I do" teacher, teaches parents the lesson in a very tangible and demonstrably "doable" way. He didn't "blame" the old ways, he acted to change how children are taught through his own way of doing things. He simply changed the culture through action. And it isn't perfect, but everyone is working toward a new way...and for young children, they will never know the harshness of an old way. Too bad we aren't so quick to discard the ways of past generations..our children sure would benefit....

So, slowly these 'pieces' of the puzzle are coming together for me. I am seeing how so many children in a community can all be so well mannered and developing so 'normally'. The adults in the homes talk to one another. There isn't lots of drama and yelling. Life is deliberately structured and predictable. There is a lot of love and joy demonstrated everyday. Discipline is through talk and lessons.
Value is placed more on relationships and activities than on things. Parents do things with their children. Children are a part of the life blood of the home, not decorations or burdens....
And there is humor....laughter is as a valued part of life as song and prayer....laughter is prayer...having joy and doing good things is exalted.....breaking a dish or getting a bit of mud on your trousers is no big deal...there is always another plate, and there's plenty of soap and water....
Problems aren't hidden, they're talked about. Problem behaviors are corrected with love...
No wonder those who cared for the FLDS children found them a joy!

It's not there aren't problems...the difference is in how the adults face them and cope with them as they come along....
They have built in support systems...they have common goals and expectations for behavior...and they are willing to learn and try new things...and they don't quit on a child.....even a difficult child....and they have a much broader definition of 'normal' than we, who overly pathologize everything, do....
And it comes together in a community of great children and wonderful family lives....

FLDS Women; What An Amazing Group!!!!!

2009-02-26T07:40:00.002-05:00

A few days ago, when I started writing this blog in earnest, I asked my new friends in the FLDS community to suggest things I could write about. I asked them to tell me what things they would like to see people have a different than the popular perspective on.
Last evening I got a note from a friend. She said, tell people about our "brainwashing". Tell them how we are so lost without our husbands, that when most of them are gone from town working, for weeks at a time, we all just fall apart!
Of course, she was being sarcastic! Yet pointing out a very real truism, these days. Many of the men in the FLDS community work in various aspects of the building and construction industry. With the recession and decline in those industries, the men often have to travel long distances, for weeks at a time, to stay employed. That leaves the women at home, keeping things going...making sure that life is held together for the children. Making sure the small businesses some own and operate keep going. Making sure the groceries are bought, the bills are paid, the prayers are said, appointments are kept, schooling continues, the repairs are done....
And for many, this means helping with all of these things while keeping their own jobs amidst this awful recession. Many FLDS women have jobs outside the home, as well as their responsibilities in the home.
Their lives are not terribly different than the millions of other American families struggling and making changes, just to get through these hard times. And just as with the millions of the rest of us, these women are the backbone of the home. And just as the rest of us are being tested by these times, so are they. Stretching budgets and making do. Mending on top of mending, what would have been replaced, just a few months ago. Times are no easier for them, than for any of us. They are not robots, unaffected by the times.

My friend who wrote to me pointed out that with so many men out of town, "escaping" wouldn't be a problem. This is actually what she wrote: "We are so controlled that the men in general are never in town and if we wanted to we could escape at anytime and return unnoticed. =)"

Let me tell you a little about the women I have gotten to be friends with.....
Each of them are very bright. And each of them write wonderfully! Well, to be perfectly honest, one spells just like my son...it's in a sort of "new era shorthand"...she writes in the language of youth...an accommodation for the techno minded.....but she usually writes to me from her phone....and I'm resistant to this new language...so I usually have to have my son interpret what she is writing...
Each of them are funny! Oh my goodness, we write back and forth with tears running down our faces from laughing at our mutual stories of the vagaries of life in retrospect.....
And each of them reached out in friendship to me. When I began this journey, I didn't know these people, their names, and certainly not their email addresses. But they follow the news and the blogs, and they saw that I was struggling to learn without being judgmental, so they reached out...willing to befriend, share, learn, and teach....
And each of them are unique. Beautiful, smart, funny, unique women.
Some folks on other blogs would tell me these women I was getting to know and be friends with were actually FLDS men, creating a ruse. Pretending to be women to rope me in as a mouthpiece. Oh my goodness, did that ever make me laugh! A woman KNOWS another woman...just by the way we write, the topics we choose, the vantage point(s) we describe...the talk of children...it is subtle, sometimes even subliminal, but it is very definitely something men cannot fake!

Let me tell you a little about our sharing....
One woman was a truck driver, for years. Cross country trucking, not your local pick-up truck stuff. No way! We're talking big rig stuff...long trips, heavy work, wondrous adventures....
One woman helps run her family business. Two women I write back and forth with do not have biological children of their own, yet. They are mothering, and loving, and shedding tears over their children, yes, but they have not biologically had children. (Despite the common belief that all women are is 'baby makers') One woman can't stand cooking. Another loves gardening. Another loves teaching, creating wonderful learning projects.
Two pull out their hair finding ways to cope with boys with attention challenges. Another works at keeping up with her adolescent daughter who is a roller blade whiz!
A father has written to me about how proud he is of two of his daughters who both recently graduated from college and have promising careers on their horizons, along with the desire and intent of having wonderful, big families......
I don't know, I haven't asked, but somehow I don't think any of them place any importance on whether they have matching Tupperware in their kitchens, or not. They don't strike me as being in the market for Louis Vuitton (sp?) handbags. Although one mother and I shared the misery of the cost of Under Armor underwear for our men who work outside....
All of them keep up with national politics and issues, and discuss them with ease, and conviction!

Each of them have taken the time out of their very, very busy, full, gratifying lives to befriend me...and I'm not all that easy a person to befriend...*smile*...I've been known to be just a tad crotchety and abrasive, not to mention "intense"...but they have made time for me...and send me smiles and hugs when I need them....

These women are not robots! They work at "keeping sweet". They work at maintaining harmony and calm in their lives. All have some success and some failure at the equilibrium they strive toward.....
Each of them know full well that they have the choice to leave and live in the outside world. None of them feel they live a deprived or subjugated life. Each has chosen to live in their community, practice their faith the best that they can, love their children, love their neighbors, and even love their semi-heathen cyber-friend....
As saddened and angry as I am by the events of April 2008, I will always be grateful, too. Those events expanded my world. They brought wonderful new friends into my life. Those awful events actually opened many doors, for many people....As the saying goes;
The Lord works in strange and mysterious ways!

By the by...keep watching...my friends and I are collaborating on writing a piece about what "submitting" means for an FLDS woman. *smile* It's going to be an 'eye opener'! It isn't what you think!

"Marriage" and the FLDS

2009-02-24T09:50:00.005-05:00

Okay, folks...
I'm going to take a stab at this. I know I'll get parts wrong. I know I'll miss some aspects.
However, the term "marriage" is as big and broad in the world of the FLDS as it is narrow and defined in the lexicon of the average person.
I think that the myriad of uses of a single word has caused considerable grief. Mainly because those persons in empowered positions have not taken the time to learn what the word actually is in the FLDS culture. They have assumed our simple meaning and superimposed that meaning over every instance they confront the word in the FLDS.
The other thing that confounds me is how "we" have assumed the term "sealed" to mean a conventional marriage, as we define marriage. And, conveniently, we pretend the difference between "time" and "all eternity" are negligible.
Anyway, here are the types of situations I have seen referred to as "marriage" within the FLDS.

1. The equivalent of a 'betrothal'. This seems to be infrequent, and usually involves a young adolescent girl, who is sealed to an older, 'elder' in the church. It is presumed that the marriage will not be consummated until much later, when the girl herself wants to, and comes to her husband. This assures a place in the afterlife as part of the family of the husband.
2. A 'sealing' of a widow to a man in the community, for 'time'. Her husband has died in good standing, and she is already assured her place with him in the afterlife, but a sealing for 'time' to another man assures her needs and care in this life are met. This may or may not, be a consummated sealing. That would be up to the woman.
3. A 'sealing' of a woman whose husband has lost his priesthood. A woman's path to eternal life is through her husband. If her husband has lost his priesthood, a woman can ask to be sealed to another in order to attain heaven in the next life. This is the choice of the woman, who also makes this choice on behalf of her young children who are unmarried, and boys who have not reached the age and requirements of priesthood. Some women choose to be sealed to another shortly after their husband has lost his priesthood. Some choose to wait and see if their husband repents and returns to the community. It is considered the woman's choice to make.
4. A conventional sealing., for time and eternity, between two individuals who have each decided they are ready for this union. This is the beginning of the journey, together. After being sealed, the couple get to know one another. They work at loving one another. When they are both ready, particularly the woman, the marriage is consummated, and the aspect of becoming a family together begins. There is no set time for this. It is when they have both decided that they are ready for this next step. And, importantly, the woman must be the one to come to her husband and declare herself ready for this step.

Now I may have over simplified these types of "marriages". And there may be types of relationships I have missed. And I didn't discuss the individual experiences aspect. And I didn't discuss the times when things have gone awry from the doctrinal definitions and expectations.

What I wanted to show is that "marriage" has many permutations within the FLDS community. Without understanding that, all sorts of assumptions of wrongdoing can happen. The differences in how we conventionally use language, and the variations within the specific culture of the FLDS are of tremendous importance. Over the last few months I have seen ugly judgments being rendered without any real understanding.
The judgments have been based on the use of the same word without accommodation for the very different meanings applied to the word.

In our "outside" world, marriage comes after two people have gotten to know one another, and have decided they want to spend their lives together, as a married couple. They have already determined that there is physical attraction and emotional commitment. Often, even if the relationship has not been consummated, there has been some degree of sexual intimacy and exploration.
In the FLDS culture, when an individual feels they are ready to begin the journey with another person, they let their parents know. And the Prophet is told. Or, for a man who has a family, the Prophet, through divine inspiration, will know that he is ready to expand his family.
Through the Prophet, who is inspired through prayer, two people are brought together. If both of them agree, they are sealed. Sometimes they have never met. Rarely do they know each other well.
For these two people, this is the beginning, there is a time of getting to know one another. Of working on love and commitment and building a relationship. It is a time for all of those things that have usually taken place in an "outside" relationship, before marriage. Here it happens after marriage. It is very, very different.
And, importantly, one only acts on one's sexuality within their marriage. Period. No exceptions. It is sacred. It is a gift from God, between two people.

FLDS and Racism

2009-02-23T08:23:00.007-05:00

Racism.
Probably one of the ugliest words in the English language.
Hating someone, or disliking someone, or simply looking down on someone, or thinking they are a lesser person, for no reason save the color of their skin. It absolutely goes beyond my ability to conceptualize. I know it's real. I know it is an integral part of some folk's being. I have seen it. I have watched it. I have felt it. I am the parent, friend, coworker, ally, of many people of many colors, so I am always tuned in to any undercurrents of "isms". They are so ugly and senseless, they make no sense to me.
And, racism is something I constantly see ascribed to the FLDS.
On the other hand, it is not something I have experienced from the FLDS individuals I have come to know. Those persons I have come to know are as offended by racism, and all of the isms, and all their awful permutations, as I am.
So, just because I feel I need to try and articulate what I've learned, I'm going to take a stab at writing about it. I may be completely off target. I may have completely not understood what I think I have learned. But here goes;

God loves everyone. Plain and simple. EVERYONE. Everyone is born with the opportunity to live a good life, and to make their way to heaven. What a good and righteous life is, is determined by the knowledge and beliefs of the group you are born into, or raised with, or have consciously adopted. (If you're born and raised in a Muslim country, as a Muslim, obviously then, living the best life you can, by the standards you are taught, is what makes you righteous. And so on, for other ways and places.) Thing is, no matter who you are, where you're born, etc., if you do the best you can to live a good life, God will know that, and your reward will be heaven. With every opportunity to work toward the highest levels.

Now, we get to the specifics....

The FLDS believe that they are the direct line of the Priesthood that Jesus will return through, or to...(I'm not sure on that one.) They also believe that the line that persons of color are of, is the line Satan will return through. They absolutely do not believe every person of color is Satan.
So, they abjectly do not believe in misogyny for FLDS faithful. That's not to say that others cannot make the choice to inter-marry. As far as making one's way to heaven, a righteous person of color has the same opportunity as does any of the rest of us.

There may be individuals within the FLDS who are racist. There are racists everywhere. And if someone harbors those kinds of feelings, it is considered wrong, by the FLDS beliefs. Their beliefs teach that they are to love all of God's children. Period. I've never heard of any exceptions where hate is allowed.
That is true of every religion I know of. But purporting to be Christian never seemed to stop the KKK. Purporting to be Christian didn't have much effect on George Wallace
& Co.. Purporting to be Muslim doesn't seem to have much effect on the Taliban. Purporting to be Buddhists didn't have a lot of effect on the Khmer Rouge.

To address the comments about Warren Jeffs comments, before they even start; the tape that is so widely circulated is one of Jeffs, when he was a teacher, long before he became Prphet, reading the words of a long passed Prophet. And in his dictations were of a dream.....and, how he interpreted the dream was about Wisan and his cohorts....none of whom are persons of color.
Also, despite his many travels, Jeffs is a small town person with limited experiences in the larger world. When he was out of town, his interactions were still with those from his community, so his actual experiences were limited. One's way of framing lessons can only be as big and open as one's world.

Since Pliggy is often the "face of the FLDS", rather than defend him in a thread post, I want to say here, that he is the person who has given me this understanding. Not just through discussions, because we have had many, but also through observing him. He has been in my home. He has interacted with my sons and friends. He has shaken hands, and laughed and talked and shared stories, with all sorts of people. He has never shown anything but grace, humor, and goodwill. Period. There are no exceptions to this. He is an extremely likable young man, who exemplifies his religion through his living.
I am not a follower of any specific religion, but my God is the same God of everyone. And the God I am coming to know, wouldn't ask any more of anyone, than this young man gives in his life, today. So folks who read this, and read Pliggy's comments to various things may take exception to what he has to say. Folks may vehemently disagree with his positions on things. But no one has any room to ever call him racist. If he writes something you might interpret as 'racist', ask for clarification. Remember, we do have cultural differences that alter how we use language. So get clarity. Don't sling names around.
And, just for the record, those others in the FLDS community that I have had the privilege of having discussions with, have shared the same explanation and beliefs about God and the color of folk's skin.

Note: Pliggy has left a more accurate and complete description of the FLDS beliefs under comments. His is the tenth comment down. Mine above is "approaching" accuracy, but I missed the mark...I appologize.

Understanding the FLDS Reaction to Warren Jeff's Papers

2009-02-21T10:00:00.005-05:00

I have been grappling for several days with how to succinctly capture the sentiments I have heard fom my friends in the FLDS community concerning the public dissemination of some of Warren Jeffs writings. The emotions are so big, and so deep, I have felt unqualified. I have felt as though I wouldn't be able to do justice to the depth of the feelings people are experiencing.

I don't want to comment on the legality of the search warrants, or how the papers were gotten. That is for the lawyers and courts. The reality is, no matter the decision of the courts, the papers are "out there", and no one can take them out of the minds and hearts of those who have read them. If nothing else, the jury pool has been forever tainted. They have read the private writings, out of context, of the leader of this group of people.

I've read some of the comments being made by the naysayers, trolls, and critics. They say the FLDS should read these papers. That it will show them a side of their prophet they do not know. They say the papers are "proof" of Warren Jeffs' bad character, etc. These are the same people who lapped up the contents of Merrianne's diary when her ad litem made them public. The private writings of a young lady in love. These are the people who thrive on the salacious, and can find it wherever they go.
Some of the open minded individuals involved in the dialogue say they welcome the comments and explanations about the writings, from the members of the FLDS community, from those persons who know Warren Jeffs and can put the statements and thoughts into context. Most of these people are well meaning, albeit naive about the character of the people in the community.

So....as I was struggling with how to approach this, Pliggy wrote a comment to another post. It comes as close as anyone has thus far, to capturing what was so ellusive for me.

"It is a matter of dignity. Those writing are personal and private, and the fact that they are public on any blog is deeply disturbing. Just imagine your good father writing everything he thought about your mother and siblings on a personal basis becoming public because the government raided his bedroom. Tell me you would dignify anyone who discussed it with your comments. I would never "listen to her reason it is newsworthy" I couldn't care less."

The reaction of the FLDS community has nothing, what so ever, to do with content. The content actually held no real surprises. Everyone was well aware of the almost compulsively organized aspect of Warren Jeffs personality. Everyone is aware of how detail oriented he is. This is a man who's life and habits have been very public within the community for as long as most can remember. The fact that the minutia of his daily life was chronicled is not shocking.
The fact that it has been made public, for all of the voyeurs of the salacious to pore over, is what is disturbing. That it feeds the trolls is disturbing. That it puts the day when peace and quiet can return that much further away is disturbing.

For so many reasons, the FLDS are a very private people. Even within their own community. People are quiet and private. They spend much of their time in "prayer through activity", and in reflection and giving glory to God, through work and family life. They do not spend time chit chatting with each other, about each other. There is a tremendous respect for one another's privacy. There is a true and much practiced belief that God is our judge, not each other. And a firm belief that we are all human and therefore all sinners and the old adage of "people who live in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones" is exemplified in their daily lives of respect and non-intrusion. And none of this is to say they don't interact with one another. Or to say there aren't friendships and socializing. Because there is. On the other hand, they have worked hard, and continue to do so, at eliminating that 'nosy parker' aspect of life we humans are often so fond of.
It serves no purpose save to put people at odds with one another.

By prying into the private thinking, completely absent context, and with no opportunity for explanation, of Warren Jeffs, we show abject disrespect for his community, for his people, and for their right to privacy concerning their religious leader and his thoughts.

I don't know if I have even begun to give a working understanding of the intense emotions being felt. I hope I have. I hope others will expand this. I hope others will use this as a starting point for thinking about, and maybe discussing, how we as humans often cross lines we should not cross. How some things simply are none of our business. We each are entitled to privacy of thought.

"Keep Sweet", A Mantra for Good Living

2009-02-20T08:15:00.005-05:00

Much ado has been made about the FLDS term "keep sweet".
More often than not, the ado is very pejorative. There is a belief that "keep sweet" applies only to women, and that women are expected to be sweet and docile all of the time, without ever showing emotions.
Nothing could be further from the reality of the expression and it's intent. Nothing could be further from the way that the expression is used by the FLDS people.
"Keep sweet" is a cue. An easy reminder. A phrase that can be internalized and become part of the subliminal set of coping skills we all have.
"Keep sweet" is as big and comprehensive and important as it is simple.
It is a reminder to stay calm. It is a reminder to stay in prayer. It is a reminder that allowing angers and negative emotions to erupt without control usually has bad consequences.
The positive effects are also huge. It allows individuals who are in disagreement to talk, not shout. It allows children to have consistency. It allows parents to discipline their children without having anger at an action overshadow the need to be firm, yet loving. It allows the individual to move from instant, emotional reactions, to cognitive thinking, quickly.
It allows a smile to return to your face, even when something has gone awfully wrong. It helps you to fall asleep faster, more soundly, more restfully. It allows you to let go of angers and hostilities before they ferment and begin to erode your thinking.
In short, "keeping sweet" encompasses all of the foundations of good mental health. It ties together mind, body, spirit. It is a mantra. It is a goal. It is a way of being. It is for young and old. It is for men and women. It is for everyone.
It keeps blood pressure down. It keeps children secure. It keeps marriages from crumbling. It keeps friendships strong. It fosters talking instead of arguing. It turns swords into plow shears.
It is the equivalent of "taking a deep breath". It is the equivalent of "count to ten". And it is more.
It is a prayer of "Lord, give me strength.". It is a prayer of "Thank-you Lord, for all that I have". It is a prayer of "Please Lord, help this other person."
It is a reminder of "Lord, I love this person." It is the classic, "You catch more bees with honey." It is classic, "Slow and steady wins the race."

It is consciously giving over to trust in the Lord, through every thought and deed of our lives.
In essence, it is a psychiatrist's dream come true. For those who understand it, and work toward it, it brings balance and a calm way of dealing with life, people, and all the joys and vagaries that are inherent to the human condition.

It is something we should admire and learn from and embrace in our own lives. It is so simple. It is so brilliant. It is so misunderstood. The FLDS have given us an amazing gift in "keep sweet" that we don't even recognize, much less avail ourselves of.

Leaving Brooke's Blog, The Plural Life

2009-02-19T12:37:00.006-05:00

I've stopped posting on Brooke Adam's "The Plural Life" blog, for a number of reasons.
And now, I have stopped even reading it.

First and foremost, I stopped posting because of the personal toll the constant barage of meanness and hatred was taking on me. I was finding myself getting really depressed and unable to perform the functions of my own job in a way that adequately served parents and families. I was too distracted and upset.

Secondly, posters were personalizing their attacks more and more, with a vicious, "I want to hurt you, personally" tone. I find that repugnant. In my worst battles, with the most difficult of adversaries, I never see it as personal. It is idealogical. It is philosophical. It is plain old unrelenting loyalty to old ideas. It is many things, but it is never personal. And at the change of topic, or the end of the meeting, it is always cordial.
The posters on Brooke's blog fail to follow the most basic rules of civil discourse. Too often I found myself sinking to their level. Of either wanting to, or actually, attacking another poster, on a personal level.
I don't like that behavior. I abhor that behavior in myself.

And my third reason for leaving is the new "regulars". They seem to have appeared from out of the blue with no purpose save to attack the FLDS. They do not want to engage in discussion. They do not want to share ideas. They want to bash, slam, villify, and spread hate and ugly rumors. And worst of all they take unabshed pleasure inthe pain of the people of the FLDS faith. I find them to be the worst kind of internet "trolls". Some call them the "Kindred Spirits" because they seem to know one another from another place on the net and have banded together to be ugly and hurtful toward the FLDS, all the while chit-chatting with one another and sharing recipes, etc.. All as though their behavior is prefectly fine and acceptable. I want nothing to do with them.
The old group has always had posters on all sides of the issues raised. And some considerable ugliness, at times, but never this kind of abject hatred and total disregard for the feelings of those reading. Ron, Laurie, and Txbluesman, at their worst, cannot hold a candle to these creeps!

The final straw in deciding to not only not post, but to not even bother reading, is the kinds of blogs Brooke has been writing since her return from vacation. Brooke has developed a reputation as a reporter who deliberately tries to show the FLDS fairly, and has not joined the mob of journalists who play to the sensational. For that reason, Brooke has begun to enjoy the trust of the people in the FLDS community. Her blogs were basically unbiased and often showed a very human side of the FLDS people that regular news stories are not able to.
Many members of the community follow Brooke's blog. Some post to it. Some regularly. Not anymore.

When the personal writings of Warren Jeffs were made public, I wrote to Brooke and told her how disturbing this public viewing of what they consider very private writings of their Prophet is, to them. I know others conveyed the same sentiment to her. One by one the members of the FLDS community have dropped away from her blog. Yet Brooke continues to post items that are sensational and hurtful to people she claims to care for. I imagine she hasn't even noticed that she has lost Pliggy, Cheese, yuthehay, Rose, and others.
She has made no attempt to write anything about the sentiments of the FLDS people on this topic. She has made no appology for her topic choices. She has done nothing to mitigate the hurt she is furthering.

She has lost my respect, and following, for this, and the above reasons. I'll check in, from time to time, hoping she changes. But I'm not holding out any hope!

Christmas Came, and Christmas Went

2009-02-19T10:43:00.003-05:00

The Christmas of 2008 almost didn't exist in my life. Strange thing.

I have always, always loved Christmas!

It's the time when family gathers. Presents are exchanged, stories told, friends visit....

It feels warm and wonderful...

The house lights up!

I spend all year buying presents. I love finding wonderful treasures that are "just perfect" for a friend or child or neighbor. I wrap and wrap until my fingers feel like they're going to fall off...and I love every minute of it......

And the tree....oh...the tree!!!!!

We go out in the country, to a wonderful, old, Christmas Tree farm...and we walk all over until we find the perfect tree. We always get a "concoulor". (I think that's how you spell it.)

And it has to be tall. Our ceiling is 10 foot. It has to be full, but not too full.

It's quite the production, getting our tree...Fred and I often don't speak for days after the tree expedition!!!!!!!

This year we went to a local garden center, two days before Christmas and bought the last 'concoulor' they had. Turned out to be quite nice, after lots of trimming. We were lucky, and God wanted us to have a nice tree....had nothing to do with good planning or careful choice!

But we got the tree, got it home...got it up...Fred did most of the decorating, I did all of the rearranging.....

And it was beautiful...and I just took it down a few days ago....

Poor tree...it had been a fire hazzard for the last month...touch it and a gazillion needles fell....but once it was up, I just couldn't bring myself to take it down...

Maybe I was waiting for Christmas...or at least waiting for the good feelings and wonder I have always associated with the season.....the things that just didn't happen, this year....

My dining room, two days before Christmas, waiting for wrapping to happen!

Poor Fred, taking a break from putting up and decorating the tree!

A living room plant with my tropical bird ornaments....

The finished tree...it was nice, afterall!

For Prying Eyes or Just the Nosy

2009-02-19T09:37:00.009-05:00

I've always thought you could tell much about a person from what the place where they live looks like. Of late, there seem to be all sorts of folks who want to "know" about me. So here are a few pics from inside my house. See what you think you can tell about me!

Or just laugh....I do alot of that....anything else is hopeless!

So, there you have it. Random shots from inside my house. Shots of bathrooms, and friends. Shots of children and dogs. Shots in the evening, and shots in the daytime....

Pretty boring stuff...

Becka Has Gone To The Rainbow Bridge....

2009-02-19T08:40:00.005-05:00

For those of you who don't know about the Rainbow Bridge, let me tell you the quick version;

There is a rainbow that forms a bridge between heaven and earth. Just at the foot of the rainbow, before you step on the bridge, there is a beautiful meadow and woods. This place always has perfect weather, and bright sunshine. When our pets die, their spirits go to this meadow. All of their hurts and pains are relieved and they romp and run and play with each other. Every once in a while, you see someone stop playing and look into the distance. They look and look and suddenly they start running to the horizon. It is because they saw you coming. They run to meet you, and together, you cross the Rainbow Bridge to Heaven....

My beautiful Becka went to the Rainbow Bridge to wait for me on Dec. 23rd.

The three weeks before had been very difficult. Becka had developed a major seizure disorder several years earlier. She was just a few weeks shy of her fourth birthday, and a few weeks shy of us breeding her, when she had her first cluster of seizures. Becka had just come off of a wonderful winning streak. She had been the top hund in the country for awhile, she had gone "Best of Opposite" at Westminster, she was beautiful, and in her prime. And now she was this trembling, shaking, seizing, mess. It was devastating.

Becka had what are called 'cluster seizures'. She would have a grand mal seizure, and before it had completely subsided, she would go into another, and another, and another. It was truly awful.

Over the next three years we had her on phenobarbitol, in ever increasing doses. She was on sodium bromide, again in ever increasing doses. She was on a medication for her thyroid, which the phenobarbitol was damaging. Everytime she had a seizure she spent four days on round the clock valium, given almost every hour, to block the cluster. From all of this, she had significant neurological damage. Her back legs didn't work as they should. Her tongue didn't work as well as it should. Drinking water became increasingly difficult.

In early December her legs and her balance started getting markedly worse. Her stomach was bloated. She had to have medication for bloat added to her regimen of drugs. I had to start cooking her plain chicken and rice. It was all she could keep in. Everyday, her symptoms got worse.

Through all of this, she never stopped trying to play with Katie, our Golden Retriever. She never stopped being loving, and wanting me to scratch behind her ears. Becka was one of those dogs with an incredibly expresive face. She had eyebrows that moved up and down with her looks. And eyes that could peer into your soul. This beautiful, loving dog was getting sicker and sicker, everyday. Her dignity was slipping away. We had to carry her up and down the stairs. Her legs just wouldn't hold her.

On the afternoon of December 23rd,we said our goodbyes to this magnificent friend, and our wonderful vet, Clair, came to our house to help Becka make her journey to the Rainbow Bridge.

Some pictures of my friend:

Becka as a 3 month old puppy, still in the ex-pen with Jake, our Aussie.

Becka as a six month old, still fitting in a large crate.

Becka taking a "Group 3" in the Hound Group at the National Dog Show

Becka lounging on the deck

Becka soaking up a few rays with 'Dusty" our cat who is now twenty years old.

Becka in the T.V. room, the consumate 'couch potato'.

Becka at the Garden

Becka enjoying a bone, just before her journey to the Rainbow Bridge

Catching Up

2009-02-19T08:33:00.002-05:00

I am so sorry I abandoned writing, here. Life has been busy. Lots has happened in my life and I just forgot to take time to write.
I completely forgot how valuable this is. That it forces me to drill down to what is essential. To let go of the fluff, and to think about how others see me, my life, and my choices. It had also allowed me to test ideas, especially about how I think.
So, without further ado, as they say, I will try to bring folks up-to-speed, and get this writing thing back on track.

Self Discovery Sucks, Especially In The Middle Of A Blog Entry

2008-11-17T08:15:00.004-05:00

The Hebrew term "Mitzvah" is one that means, or refers to, all of the 600 or so commandments in Jewish law. However, it has also, more commonly, come to be used as a word to describe acts of human kindness. Particularly to describe those acts that are performed for no other reason, or gain, than that they are the right thing, or the kind thing, to do. Usually unheralded, often even unknown who the 'doer' is.
I'm not sure when, where, or from whom, I first heard of 'making a mitzvah'. I know it goes a long, long way back in my personal history. The idea of doing good, of doing the right thing, and not waving a flag to tell anyone about it. Just doing it. Even guilt attached to it if you do call attention to the act, or actions...they lose their meaning, or their inherent 'goodness', if you tell folks you did it, or them....
Perhaps this is one of the places Jewish law, or tradition, crosses over to Christian, or 'Christ-like' behavioral expectations. The whole idea that one's reward for 'doing good' comes in heaven. That the idea of self-sacrifice and giving to others quietly, without fanfare, is the ultimate form of prayer. I like that idea.
Folks who need to tell you that they have given or done something nice always bring up some bizarre need in me to choke them. I guess there lurks in me some serious violent tendencies. I get especially annoyed when others buy into this 'oh what a good person so-'n-so is'. And they only know 'so-'n-so' is a good person because 'so-'n-so' told them he/she is a good person. Gggrrrrrrrrrrr...........
Then there is the selfish side of me. I see this nonsense, and I think to myself, 'well for crying out loud! I did the same nice thing, or I did something even nicer...' and no one is giving me credit!...But that would require me telling about what I did that was good, thereby negating it as an act of goodness. So I lose the long-term credit.....Maybe even looking at it as having 'long term credit' diminishes it, in some way....and I lose either way....
I'm sure there are people for whom 'doing good' is a natural, no thought needed, process. I think I've actually met a couple of these folks....I mean I think...because who really knows what lurks in the heart of man...or woman....but for all intents and purposes, they appear to be really nice and really good people....
It's sort of like Oprah's "random acts of kindness" thing...I really like that...or liked that...until I started encountering folks who had the need to tell me about the 'random' acts they had done....Again, it annoyed the hell out of me because I wanted to counter with one-up-manship stuff..."I did a bigger random act" but then the guilt and fear would kick in....and I would simply tell them what they wanted to hear..."Oh my, what a good person you are!"
Fact is, I'm really starting to dislike 'good people'. Or at least the ones who have to tell everyone, in a furtive, secretive way, what good people they are. Hell, why bother with the 'furtive', they tell anyone who will listen....
As I am writing this, I am realizing how jaded I really have become. I started out wanting to write something about 'grace', or physical manifestations of prayer...and I find myself writing about the dark inner demons of my, and probably others, souls....
And ego....part of me feels some weird sort of pride that I haven't indulged in bragging about having done nice things...I'm guessing that diminishes the long term benefits, too!
Okay, so much for goodness and kindness and making mitzvahs...
I'm thinking I probably should just go out for a walk and find a lost, miserable dog to kick....but I really love dogs...especially lost miserable dogs...they pull on my heart strings...so maybe I should go out and find some very average person and insult the bejesus out of them...I mean really rip them a new one....because I really can't stand dealing with 'average'...I mean the 'Joe the plumbers' drive me nuts...
But then I would feel really bad at having hurt some poor unsuspecting schmuck....because, way down deep, in the most hidden recesses, I do have a conscience.
Methinks I am slowly discovering that I am actually a member, of the human race...I am a mix of all sorts of things....ego, and guilt, and kindness, and jealousies, and grandiosity, and humility....
It's quite a let down to realize how average I am...maybe that's why so many don't make this discovery until we're well into our middle years....to confront this without first having developed a true and real appreciation of chocolate and scotch could be devastating.....

Wonderful Pictures of St. George Courthouse and El Cap

2008-11-16T10:45:00.010-05:00

Every now and then, friends send me photos. I want to share some recent ones with everyone. They help create a visual for folks who have not had the priveledge of visiting the Short Creek area.

Here are a few from outside the courthouse in St. George on Friday....

I found the one of the police on the roof particularly disconcerting!

These are some spectacular pictures taken from the climb up and, atop "El Cap", the huge bluff behind the twin cities......

I hope folks enjoy these. I know I really did!

And, although I didn't tell the photographers I was posting these, I really hope they don't mind, because they are such great pictures!!!!! And art should be shared.......

This Is MY Blog. I Can Rant and Rave If I Want To!

2008-11-12T17:02:00.006-05:00

I am exhausted.
I am depressed.
I am so completely tired of having to deal with cry babies who cannot let go of their childhood demons.
People who explain every crappy thing they do, or comment they make that is hurtful, or misjudgement they make, by saying it must be the influence of the rotten childhood they had.
I want to just shake them and tell them to get over it!
For crying out loud, I had a really crappy childhood, too. Probably crappier than most. So did my sister. And we have both moved on to have full lives, with people we love and who love us. Tomorrow holds all the promise of wonder and joy that it always does. Yesterday can never return.
My gosh! We were beaten, mentally tortured, deprived of love, locked up for long periods, subjected to terrible indignities, molested by an older family member, institutionalized, disowned, raped....you name it, it probably happened to one or both of us. We've both had periods of alcohol and drug abuse, promiscuity, suicidal ideations, abusive relationships, running away.... Our father failed to protect us. He was even an abuser, at times. The nuns failed to protect us. Counselors failed to protect us.
You know what? Life goes on. With or without us, life goes on. And you know what else? Life can be full of really good things! You have to decide that you want your life filled with good things in order for there to be room for them. It has to be a conscious decision.
You can dwell on the past, constantly reliving the horrors and pains, or you can put them aside and make room for good things and great joy to take up the space.

And I am really, really tired of the FLDS being put under a microscope. I'm tired of them being held to a higher standard than we hold ourselves and our own communities to. And I am tired of people asking intrusive, personal questions of Pliggy and others, as though they are entitled to that information.
And I am tired of the nastiness. The abject meanspiritedness of the questioners and those who feel they have the right to sit in judgment. I want them to all just go away and stop being so damn ugly!
I am a tough old bird, yet I find myself in tears at the end of a day on the blogs.
I can be ruthless when I need to get something accomplished. But even in my ruthlessness, I respect certain boundaries. These people don't even have a sense of boundaries!
Laurie and her ilk don't bother me anywhere nearly as much as the pseudo-inquisitive, 'I'm curious and want to learn', bunch. Laurie, et al, are at least up front with their hatred and agenda.
It's the 'rebeckah' types who make me want to slap the bejesus out of them. She's just the most recent of that type....and to think I went out of my way for her. I connected her with a mother from Shortcreek who was very, very kind to her! She says things that are so judgemental and condescending, as though the folks reading her posts are less than human, ergo not deserving of courteous language. And when confronted she uses her very tired crap about 'just wanting to be objective'. Crap! And she seems to believe she is rather intelligent. Makes me laugh when people do that...I'm guessing she's 120, maybe 125....not a lick over! And she is the worst of the using her childhood as an excuse types! Oh my gosh is that getting lame!

And the whole damn bunch get to me with their abject refusal to even acknowledge cultural differences. Never mind understanding the huge impact those differences have on perceptions.
There is a language difference. Both in the use of words and terms and understandings, and in the seeming literalness of the FLDS speech. For the most part their speech is devoid of inuendo or sarcasm. And they don't seem to look for it, or recognize it in others. Some, like "pliggy", "cheese", "rose", and a few others, who are regulars on the blogs seem to be picking it up, and even using it, from time to time...but overall, it is clearly a cultural difference that needs to be acknowledged by anyone who intends to enter into any serious dialogue with the group.

This standard setting is really getting to me...
Yesterday there were comments about what the twin towns look like...nasty comments....It makes me wonder if some of these folks who are posting live in some sort of Ozzie and Harriet, white picket fence bubble, that they never leave. Obviously they have never driven through rural Pennsylvania's small towns....
And I guess they've never seen the devastation to "Main St." in small towns all across the country...the shuttered store fronts and run down buildings, with no people and no businesses...
And they've never seen the sun dried lawns of even the affluent neighborhoods of Southern California...

But mostly I get hurt, not angry, just hurt when folks like Laurie tell me that the women I have become friends with are not real. That they are men posing as women to rope me in....that is the biggest pile of crap I've heard in a long time....but others read that and wonder...they already are ready to believe the worst about this community...then they read that kind of garbage...
And, I know it isn't true...I know that I have become friends with these wonderful women...and that they aren't stupid, or brainwashed, or trapped...no more so than anyone else is...
Hell, everyone feels trapped by their own lives from time to time...
Everyone feels subservient to others, from time to time....Everyone feels stupid, from time to time...
And we're all brainwashed, to some degree...it's called differential association....It's part of living the human condition....

I wish I could fix things. I wish I had pixie dust. I'd use some of it in my own life, for sure. But mostly I would share it....
I think, in some ways, all that has happened has caused some good things to happen. It has certainly opened up the communication between the community and the rest of the world. And I do think there are some folks who have learned that it is a good community. And I have made new friends...and to me, that is laways good....
But my growing knowledge has made me sad, too....and sometimes I just want to scream that I already have enough sad stories and people I am responsible for understanding and caring for in my life....
When I'm being all sorts of rational and intelligent, I tell myself, and others, I am an agnostic...but when I am feeling so overburdened, I become God-believing very quickly!!!! I start remembering the lessons of my childhood, that God never gives anyone more to bear than they are capable of carrying...that everything has a purpose....
I just can't figure out what my purpose in this saga is...it keeps escaping my understanding...but I seem to get in deeper and deeper...
And right now, I just want to throttle all these people who are so hurtful.....

Stroudsburg, Pa. or Norman Rockwell's Imagination?

2008-10-17T11:24:00.011-04:00

It is a gorgeous Fall morning, here in Pa.! The sun is shining, the air is crisp. The colors are magnificent. It is, for this small moment in time, the stuff of great artists, and poets, and memories. As I sit here at my desk, the sun is streaming in through the window, warm on my body. My birds are behind me making all their morning noises. My coffee is still steaming. I can hear small school children walking down the street, shuffling their feet in the crispy, fallen leaves, voices and laughter part of their sounds. And I am thinking about my new friend, far away, that I want to share this moment with. I want to freeze it in time.
We have a beautiful old, brick, elementary school a half block down the street. In good weather the kindergarten and first grade teachers often take their children for walks in the mornings. And it is always a treat to watch them. I love the little ones. At a distance! When someone else is responsible for them! They are always so bright and fresh and full of quick smiles!
Sometimes I get so caught up in the daily horrors and pains of life that I forget how truly blessed I am.
I live in a lovely old Victorian neighborhood. Full of beautiful old homes and wide, tree lined streets. We have almost no crime in this neighborhood. People take pride in their yards, and many are beautifully landscaped. It is a family neighborhood with lots and lots of children. The speed limit on our streets is 15 miles per hour and most folks actually respect that. All of the streets in this neighborhood are named after the children of our town's founder. We have Sarah and Thomas, Scott and Ann, Monroe and Fulmer. It is a constant reminder, at least for some, that this is a family town. A family place. Many of the homes were built a hundred to two hundred years ago. And they were big houses for that day. Houses for big families! My house was built in the late 1800's!
A few blocks away is Main St.. Main St. is alive and vibrant. Not the desolate, declining Main St. of all the news stories from across America. We have local shops, owned and operated by local folks, that thrive. There are always people in and out of the shops. Cars parked and sounds and smells coming from the doors. We have old fashioned side-walk sales all summer long. There are restaurants and small shops, side by side. It really is very, very nice! People recognize one another on the street, nodding, and saying hello, as each makes their way along their routes. The local police walk the sidewalks. The mailman knows everyone. Often someone's dog is tied to a parking meter or light post while their owner shops, or does an errand. It really is like something off the cover of the Saturday Evening Post. It is Norman Rockwell, circa 2008.
Between Main St. and my neighborhood, lies Courthouse Circle. Our courthouse is an huge old, natural sandstone, building, with a big tower and large, stately stairs leading to the front doors. In front, separated by a narrow street, is a circle with a "doughboy" statute and an old, WWI cannon, and flower beds and benches for lunch time sitting, or for strollers to stop for a rest.All around the circle are old brick and clapboard row houses. All in beautifully restored condition. These old buildings house lawyers and small shops like jewelers, and tailors, and land offices. It is very pretty. And in front of the buildings are flowering trees. The spring, when they are in bloom, is gorgeous! In the winter, when the trees are bare, small lights are strung in the trees, giving them a twinkling quality as soon as the sun sets.
Year round, on the first Saturday of each month, we have an "artist's walk" in the evening. All of the shops stay opened, late. Local artists display their works in the different businesses. Often business owners will offer refreshments. In the warm months, musicians are playing on the street. There are often kiosks at the Courthouse circle with vendors of all sorts. And everywhere there are people strolling. The downtown theater often has open doors with some special short performance being offered several times over the evening. the restaurants have outside tables. It is very, very nice!

So...the pictures here I took about an hour ago....

I want to share my town with you. I want it to be real....

This is the front of my house. Next is looking East from my house, then the house two west from me.

This is the house three west of me and one looking from across the street going west.

If you notice, the old maple tree in front of my house is so much greener than all the others???...well, methinks it has broken into the old, iron sewer line coming out of my house....gggrrrrrrrr..........

Here we have Ramsey Elementary, the school a half block from my house. Next is the side street running along the west side of Ramsey, and then my friend Peter's house, kitty-corner from Ramsey.

Here is the house on the other corner from the school and next is the courthouse, three blocks south from my front porch. If you drew a straight line from my porch, you would hit the back door of the courthouse.

Following are a few more images of the courthouse and the circle in front of it....

All old buildings, housing lawyers and small businesses......

Now some images from Main St. Because I'm taking these pictures on a weekday morning, you won't see all the foot traffic, but by mid-day, it's bustling.....

And now, last, but not least...two pictures of McMichaels Creek, just one block south of Main St. and a picture of the Anne St. Train Station....

I hope you like the pictures. They don't begin to do justice to what a really pretty town Stroudsburg is...

On Acting In A "Christ-like" Way......and the FLDS

2008-10-09T10:25:00.004-04:00

Whether one considers oneself Christian or not, there is no disputing the fact that Jesus Christ was a pretty decent person. A caring, thoughtful, giving, compassionate man. So modeling one's behavior after this man, whether you believe in his divinity or not, is something that is apt to serve you well.

If you read various "Christian" dogma and doctrine, it usually sounds 'okay'. The usual stuff about kindness and giving and loving and so on.....sprinkled with all the 'shalls and shall nots' and a healthy sprinkling of fear....
But all in all, the writings of most "Christian" sects would lead one to believe that those that ascribe to these beliefs are a pretty decent lot of folks....

Not......

Too often I find folks that call themselves "Christians" to be terribly hypocritical. They quickly tell you what denomination they follow. Many quickly tell you all the ways you are going to hell or suffer damnation if you don't also begin to follow their denomination. almost across the board they tell you how to live your life. And what to believe.
This is especially true of those that claim to be 'evangelical'....holy jamoly are they fast to tell you that the state has no place in dictating religion, or interfering in religion!!!
On the other hand, these are the same folks who want to "bring God back into the schools..", "bring God into the courtrooms..."
teach our children in public schools...state funded, PUBLIC schools, that specific lifestyles are bad...particularly homosexuality. They want to teach creationism in science class...as a viable alternative to evolution....a set of religious beliefs...undisputably their beliefs about 'creationism' come from their belief in the bible...a religious document, or collection of documents....
They are fighting to maintain the current definition of marriage, in most places, by religious standards...i.e. one man, one woman.
There are those who object to Martin Luther King Day being recognized as a school holiday, but cry bloody murder when Spring break doesn't fall over Easter Week.....
They rail against feminists. Completely ignoring the fact that it is the feminists who are fighting to assure that "choice", including the choice to be a stay-at-home-mom is a valid and viable one for women to make...and that whatever choice a woman makes, it is deserving of the same respect and compensation and validation as those choices men have always had the right to make.....

And, worst of all, these so called "christians" both approve of, and often participate in, behaviors that deliberately hurt other human beings.....because they have judged them......somewhere along the way they missed the phrase "Judge not, lest ye be judged..."

Fact is, I had become pretty anti-christian because of these behaviors, until recently......
Well, actually, I have always been very, very 'pro christian' if you're talking about those folks who truly try to emmulate Jesus Christ's behaviors and demeanor....I had just become anti-assholes...most of whom I met called themselves "Christians".

Then the debacle in Texas started to unfold. The women and children were taken and Voila'!!!!, the FLDS were in the headlines.....Now I already knew a bit about their faith...but I knew nothing, except what folks like Flora Jessop or Carolyn Jessop said on television, about the people, themselves.....so I was willing to lump them into the pile with the rest of the "christians" I knew...or most of them, anyway....(I do know a few folks who truly do take emmulating Jesus seriously, and are really good folks.)
Be that as it may, I was horrifed at the abject trampling of the constitution...the clear and resounding bias and bigotry being displayed....the magnitude of the state's incursion into their lives...the damage the state was doing to the women and children it had taken into custody...I was simply horrified!!!!! So I knew I had to speak out...I assumed I would be just one voice amongst many that were crying out.....

Wrong....

I ran into a host of my "christian" friends...all telling me what a great thing the State of Texas had done...how "those people" deserved this, and worse...and just watch...they were gonna get what was coming to them...those freaks...those pedophiles...those weirdos in their funny clothes and hairdos....just you watch!!!!
Well, if I had misgivings at all, they dried up in a heartbeat!
So I started reading and blogging...
I found that Brooke Adams, from the Salt Lke Tribune, had about the fairest blog I could find. She seemed to go out of her way to present a balanced view. And she never inserted her own opinioninto her blogs...she just wrote stories...
So I started being a 'regular' on Brooke's blog...and, unbeknownst to me, so were a number of the FLDS community....if not posting, then following.....
And awhile into this mess, a couple of the FLDS started talking to me...and one or two emailed me....
And I started asking questions and learning not just about their doctrine, but about them as a people. And amazingly, I have found them to be amongst the most Christ-like of people I have ever come across.
They have a set of beliefs, yes. I have yet to find any one of them saying anyone else has to believe what they do. They are across the board respectful in how they speak and interact with others. They are accepting of the goodness of others, whether others ascribe to their beliefs, or not. Their doctrine also accepts and expects that people of all faiths and callings will be a part of heaven and the hereafter....
They turn the other cheek, they forgive, even the most egregious of wrongs....
I have made friends in the FLDS community who know full well I do not share their religious beliefs, but they take me at my word and like me for who I am, and ask nothing more than the same from me....
They work hard at following the United Order....they work hard at not falling prey to the vagaries of greed and envy and petty jealousies....
I don't know if they have a word for them, but I know them as 'mitzvahs'...doing good things for others, freely, often unheralded, just because it is the right thing to do...they work hard to make others feel good, to be happy, to have joy...to see the cup half full....FLDS members make 'mitzvahs' all of the time....
I have an FLDS friend who sends me 'smiles'...I know it sounds silly....but who knows, maybe they are divinely inspired, because they seem to come just at the point when I am most fed up with the ugly vagaries of the human condition.....

So this is long....and probably to most, quite boring...but I needed to 'say it'...to put my instincts in order...to give words to intuition....
To help me continue...to remind myself of why I fight....
And to honor a group of people I feel so very priveledged to have met...and to especially honor my new friends, for whom it took real courage to extend that first email, that first smile....

I am so angry and fed up with the ugliness that abounds...I am so grateful I have found some balance.....

Morrie's Iron Pot, Pot-Roast

2008-10-04T19:03:00.005-04:00

Best darn pot-roast ever!!!!!!!

Morrie's iron pot, pot-roast;

Ingredients;
Large boneless chuck roast...4-5 lbs.
large green bell pepper, chopped in one inch pieces
one large or two medium onions chopped in big pieces...one inch
3-4 stalks of celery, including leaves, cut into 1 inch pieces
1 fifteen ounce can of diced tomatoes
about 2 ounces worsteshire sauce
3-4 tablespoons of chopped garlic
3-4 cracked bay leaves
salt and pepper
6 medium all purpose potatoes, cut in half
1 lb. of 'baby' carrots
several small, peeled onions, if desired

Dust the roast in flour and brown in oil on all sides
pour off the oil and add the canned tomatoes and all the chopped veggies and spices
add enough water to cover the meat.
bring to a boil and then turn down to a simmer
Cook on simmer for four to five hours...until the meat is very soft...
Remove the meat. cover on a platter
add more water if necessary. add the small onions. cook for about fifteen minutes.
add the carrots
cook about ten minutes
add potatoes and cook until tender
remove large vegetables...
thicken water with a flour roux...
put meat back into simmering gravy for a few minutes to reheat..
place meat and veggies on a platter to serve...cut meat in chunks
place gravy with all the veggie bits in a bowl with ladle and enjoy!

I suppose you could cook this in any old big pot, but Morrie always used a cast iron dutch oven so that is what I use.
(I have my grandmother's cast iron pots and they are THE BEST!)

This works well with stew meat, also. Just reduce the time you cook the meat.

My father died a very rich, miserable man. This is the only thing of value I ever got from him.
The man was really pretty awful. But boy oh boy, could he cook!

God, Can't We Slow This Show Down A Bit?

2008-10-02T10:29:00.005-04:00

I've intended to blog so many times....

Intended, of course, being the key word here. Life just gets in the way. Just when you think there might be five minutes to breathe, something new comes up, demanding one's attention.

So this is going to be a quick update...

1. The porch is 'almost' completed...still have to do the ceiling...and then plant the front yard over...grass...flowers, etc...

This isn't the best picture....probably because I haven't yet taken 'the best' picture...sorry. But at least there is a new deck, new posts and rails, it's painted...and you can't see, but there is a new roof on it...ah..this is good!

2. The fish...oh what a mess....we have another koi that is probably going to die today or tomorrow. We did, however, finally discover what was/is killing them. We have a case of "hole in side" disease. Honestly! That is the name of it. And it is awful. Apparently it is a direct translation from the Japanese....

Our vet gave us a prescription of strong antibiotics to use, but for this last fish, it was too late. Hopefully, however, it has imunized the others....we also treated the water, again, this time with an antiparasitic. Hole in the side disease apparently often starts with a microbe and invades susceptible fish...

Right now, anyway, all the rest look healthy. And it is time for their systems to slow down for winter...so keep your fingers crossed for us. We have switched them to a wheatgerm based food for winter. That's what we used to introduce the antibiotics with.

Funny story about that...in order to get the antibiotic powder to stick to the food, you have to mix it with grain alcohol. You shake the powder and food till it is mixed and then sprinkle on about an ounce of grain alcohol and shake it all up. You leave it open for the alcohol to evaporate for 24 hours and then use it as you would regular feed. Well, the alcohol mostly dries...*smile*...but not completely...I can smell it when I open the jar it is in...and the fish love it!!!!...Ohmygod! If you could see them come to the top and scarf this 'new' food down...it is hysterical....so we have a pond full of drunks...

On the up side, when I was putting plants back in the pond after the last treatment, I found several small fish in the wading pool we had the plants in. I rescued them and have them in a tank inside. We have no idea what kind of fish they are. Very strange looking. Actually, three are plain silver looking and are probably comets. The others are really odd. Mixed colors and black, black eyes. I read somewhere that Sarasas start out with black eyes so these may be Sarasa/Koi mixes....or Sarasa/Shebunkin mixes...either way, they are strange....

3. Josh....

What can I say...he's still in love...he's been going down to Florida every other weekend, lately....

Although he now tells me he is going down there for Thanksgiving. i may have to kill him. I'll just prop his dead body up at our Thanksgiving table! This better be seious if I am expected to give up one of my children for a family holiday! He'll be home this weekend so I plan to grill him...which is apt to do no good. I grill...they clamp up....You'd think I'd learn, no?....oh well....

4. Me..

I'm still struggling, everyday...

The more I learn about the FLDS, the more sure I am that hey have been seriously persecuted and targeted by law enforcment and others.

The more sure I am that mass media feeds this ugly, wrong picture of them....

And the more sure I am that we each have an obligation to speak out when we see wrongs...no matter the personal cost. No matter how great we may think our personal cost is, it is nothing compared to the cost we all pay when we leave wrongs unchecked.....

I'll try to write more, soon...there are so many topics I would like to explore....

For now...this'll have to do....

Of Jobs and Celebration

2008-09-01T15:19:00.004-04:00

Once again, I'm full of all sorts of lofty thoughts, and no idea how, or where, to begin to commit them to words.
Today is "Labor Day". We celebrate the great American workforce. But to me it is more than just a celebration of the workforce, it is a celebration of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 that Lyndon Baines Johnson, the last great president from the Great State of Texas signed into law.
And for me, Title VII, as it is more commonly known, was once my chosen life's work. To assure that no person , regardless of race, creed, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or different abilities, would be discriminated against in the workplace. I knew I couldn't save the world, but I thought I might make a difference in one small corner of it....
I guess I really didn't stick around long enough. Almost forty years after I put my toe in the door, we're still fighting for equal pay for equal work.
Both Hillary and Barak give me hope that women may finally see a measured equality in employment. Both in their opportunities, and their compensation. It has been a long time coming.
On the other hand, I can celebrate that right now, at this point in time, all of my boys are gainfully employed, self-supporting (well, almost), and in good health! There were many days, and nights, when that seemed a fantasy. A mother's dream never to be realized....
Oh the dinner table stories this topic engenders!
Big Mike's whistle-blowing days with the gold coin scam business...
David's days as a landscaper...along with spider bites and allergies and a general lack of work ethic made that short lived...
Josh the carpenter....Josh the artist...Josh the plumber...Josh the jet-ski instructor/guide....Josh the bartender...Josh the tower climber....but always...JOSH THE MAGNIFICENT!!!
Rob the movie mogul...Rob the used car salesman...Rob the Realtor.....oh my...Rob can sell a bridge in Brooklyn, to someone in the Bronx...
Ollie the Hawiian beach bum aka Verizon's vunder-kind
And Little Mike's days in the Air Force....where for eight years we all held our breath and prayed....
and all the rest of them and their stories.....

But they all have jobs.....

I celebrate!

Please cast a vote for this project

2008-08-28T09:44:00.004-04:00

Well, I'm going to try to put a link in here...but as you know, I'm seriously techno challenged...
This is a good project. I know the people at the Juvenile Law center, well.
So I ask any and all of you who see this to go to American Express and vote for this. YOu don't have to be a memeber. You can sign up as a guest and cast your vote. Please, please do so.
It will be a great start at giving some of our country's most disenfranchised youth a voice.....
here goes...
http://www.membersproject.com/project/view/EZCTS4

Hate is the Ugliest Emotion.....

2008-08-17T13:38:00.003-04:00

I've never understood abject hatred.
I see it all the time. One person hating another, or a group. Usually for something really stupid. Like how they dress, or what color they are. Or their religion.

I learned about how awful hate is along time ago....

My step-mother was extremely abusive to my sister and I. My father failed to protect us. It really was pretty awful . And I was so full of hate.....but after awhile I realized that there wasn't anything but the hate. It took up so much room. So I consciously worked at remembering some of the good things that came out of my childhood. and then I looked at 'why' my parents behaved the way they did...and as wrong as it was, I started to understand how they came to be who they were. Their make-up was inevitable....and I stopped hating them and just felt sorry for how limited their lives were....
And what a release it was for me. I had so much room for good stuff in myself....I'd never realized how holding on to so much hatred affected everything I was.....until it was gone!!!!

I see this kind of senseless, irrational hatred on the blogs. There are people who simply want to hate the FLDS. Doesn't matter How often you present them with corrections to popular beliefs, they have just decided to hate.
It makes no sense to me. It just always seems to me easier to like people than dislike them. People aren't perfect. Everyone I know makes mistakes from time to time. But mistakes aren't the end of the world...and most people, if they find that something they are doing hurts someone else, they find ways to change what they're doing.
It just makes good sense. And most people have pretty good sense.

But these haters....boy, I just don't get it...
They say the ugliest, cruelest things. Without care for the readers. They ignore the fact that real live human beings are behind these posts. I've watched them write the most hateful things....things they would never say in "real life", to anyone....so why is it okay to type this crap in a blog?
Because they choose to be anonymous? Does that make them any less responsible when they hurt another person? How miserable these people must be in their own souls....how empty....

I can't imagine going through life without empathy and sympathy....and the joys of having friends....and the good feeling that comes with knowing I am trustworthy....
And the friends I have made in life because I tried very hard to not judge....and it does take lots of effort, sometimes...but the effort is so worth it....my life is so much richer for it....
I can only hope I have passed this on to my boys......

The Front Porch Begins!

2008-08-13T07:52:00.007-04:00

Saturday our Great Front Porch Saga officially began.

Our house once had a beautiful old wrap-around porch. Sometime in the past, probably in the 'forties', it was modernized. The porch was cut off so only across the front of the house remained. The awnings were removed. Alot of the decorative 'victoriana' is gone.

I don't have the money to replace the whole porch. At least not right now. But I do want to rebuild the front so that it fits the 'period' of the neighborhood, better. And the old posts were getting terribly rotten....not tomention that several floor boards had broken off, or were about to. One took one's life in one's hands just crossing the porch to the door. It was a lawsuit waiting

to happen!

We had to put a canopy over the deck because it was raining and all of the floor boards had to be primed before they could go down....what a production that was! Try getting oil based paint to dry in the rain! We had fans blowing all day.....

Here are Josh And David taking a short break after demo was done....the entire porch was then laying in a huge heap in the yard....what a mess....all old, rotting wood, full of nails and ants....just waiting for Mama....me...to clean up!

You can see part of the pile at the end of the porch, peeking out from the forsythia bush.....

On Sunday the floor was laid...and the posts went up....

So this is where we are now...it's getting there...slowly, but surely...

Frogs and Front Porches and All Good Things Mundane....

2008-07-31T10:40:00.012-04:00

Well dear world....here I sit, befuddled by life, again..... nothing earth shaking or of great moment...just my usual 'off in la la land' state....trying to work....

On the bright side, we have all sorts of baby frogs around the pond....little green frogs...most of them are brown, with just a bright green line by their lips....do frogs have lips?...anyway, a bright green line runs across their faces, near their mouths...

A couple of them are only a little more than an inch long...and a couple of them are 'croakers'...does that mean they're males? Who knows?

I just like sitting and watching them watch me....

I finally went and bought all the stuff to rebuild the front porch....hopefully that means it will actually happen...but who knows, it could all just sit piled on the deck for a year or two...wouldn't be the first time.....

I went to a local lumber yard. I could probably have saved a few dollars going to Lowe's or Home Depot, but I'd rather give my money to a local business when I can.

I'm excited. We're going to replace the big round columns with more victorian looking posts and fancier railings....it's been a long time coming...just never enough money....always some other urgent something....oh well....David's friend Eric and his brother have a pretty reputable home improvement business and they are going to do the work....with David and Josh and I as laborers...that should be a hoot!!!!!!

Next paycheck has to go for the mortgage and other bills, but then the next one can pay to repair the porch roof and then the front of the house will be in good shape. Next year I have to replace the whole roof on the house...that will be a monster. Going to start saving to do that right after Christmas. Hopefully I'll be able to save enough to have the chimney rebuilt, too...it's in pretty rough shape. I can see bricks starting to crumble...and it is listing pretty visibly...good thing no one here is expecting Santa....

I love my yard. In the front everything is pretty "normal". We just took out several dwarf pines along the front...and some sort of prickly ever green bush type stuff near the driveway. So it''s looking barren. But as soon as the porch is complete than I'll replant in those areas...and by next year the rhodes that I cut way back in front of the porch will have started to fill-in , again..

But then you get to the back yard....that's my wonderland!!!...It's almost jungle like....I have plants and flowers everywhere...no part of the season, from early April until mid-October is without color and blooms!!! Here's a picture I took last week from an upstairs bedroom window...You can sorta get a bit of the jungle flavor!...I LOVE IT!!!!!

You can't really tell from the picture, but it is a good sized yard...for in town, anyway...it's about 120 feet deep from the back door to the property line, and it's about fifty feet across....

The pond, which is way, way at the back looks like nothing in this picture, but it is 15X12...

This might give you a better sense of how large it is...

Anyway, my backyard is my sanctuary...it's where I can escape the world.....the waterfall makes a wonderful, light noise...there are always birds chirping and singing...often other critters visit...

I go through ten lbs. of roasted peanuts a week feeding the squirels...and another fifty lbs. of bird seed....

I think some of the fish may be getting sick, again...I'm seeing signs of tail rot, and the little black comet died very unexpectedly, on Monday. When I was able to look at him up close, he had some of the hemorragic stuff going on....so I'm going to start the anti-bacterial, anti-fungal treatment again....

The koi have decimated all of the floating plants...I've put them into a wading pool to try and get some life going in them...I don't know why...if I put them back in the pond, they'll just have all their roots eaten...

These are pics I took a few minutes ago...These guys are all at least six inches long and some are up to ten inches...they only look small because I was standing directly over them.....

Anyway, they're fun...alot more expensive than I would ever have thought...but fun...and most of them will eat out of my hand, now....so I've become 'Mama' to a bunch of carp...whodda thunk?????

So...life goes on.....I've been testy lately, with lots of folks...so I've gotta work on making amends....not a task I'm particularly good at....

oops...almost forgot...I took a picture of David a couple of weeks ago when he decided to climb the tree in front of the house and hang out over the street....literally....and I wanted to share that pic.....

And on this note...I'm off to get some work done......

The Boys, Christmas 2000

2008-07-28T17:36:00.002-04:00

Well, it took some doing, but I scanned it and posted it, and here they are.
This isn't the entire group. It's all we could find one day just after Christmas 2000. The young man dead in the center is my oldest grandson. The others are 'the brothers';
from top left, clockwise...
Lil' Mike, Josh, Ollie, David, Big Mike, Rob, Doggie(Jason), with Sky in the center....
Some are biologically mine, others found their way in...the boys themselves, many years ago, decided to not tell anyone outside of the family who is bio and who isn't, so I honor that...
They are all mine!!!!!

Nightmares, Friends, and Bad Choices

2008-07-23T08:31:00.006-04:00

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming sense of saddness and discontent. Perhaps it's the dreary, gray weather. More likely it is that the last thing I heard before I went to bed last night was the report of the indictments out of Texas and the FLDS.
I don't remember the details of my dreams. At least not often. I do remember the general 'theme' , most mornings. Last night I dreamt of dentists and the FLDS.
Don't ask me why....I know it's a weird combo...but I'm guessing it's because I have some really major dental work coming up and I was so upset about the indictments......But I awoke in a sweat...and feeling as though I hadn't slept. Tremors in my stomach from the monsters in the dark. I'm still feeling all sorts of discombobulated.

I'm not sure why, but for a long time I've felt a strong connection to these distant folks...long before the Texas debacle I began 'following' them. I would check in on the site of the local guy who took all the arial photos...and I would peer and peer at the pictures, trying to catch a glimpse of the people. And marveling at the steady growth of the community. I knew the photographer was no friend of the community's, but I felt grateful to him for the pictures...I knew they were invasive yet I felt they gave me something tangible to attach to my gut feelings....

As much as I loathe my step-mother, and as loathe as I am to give her any credit, for anything, I am, and always will be, thankful to her for instilling in me a strong sense of "I can do anything". Had my grandmother continued and completed raising me, I would probably have been far more retiring in my character and personality. Nana was, afterall, a southern lady. Very gentile in her demeanor. I am all that good southern women are taught is unholy and wrong.....

As much as I admire the FLDS women, and the Amish women, too, I am exactly opposite of them....
I am very much an "in your face" kinda person....right in there in the middle of the scuffle....I can cuss with the best of 'em....I can throw a straight, hard punch, when need be......I countenance very little b.s. in my life.....although, in my work, I have learned to sit through all sorts of b.s. and move forward, as it is part of the 'process' for folks. People have to get past vomiting garbage before they can come together to develop plans and concensus....but it has taken me years to do that...to even see the importance of that aspect of 'process'.....

And I have learned to hate 'process'....at the same time recognizing it is one of those 'necessary evils'....It is the only way that major change can occur and be real and sustainable. All of the stakeholders must feel ownership in identifying the need and the path to achieve the necessary change.
It is this 'process' stuff that has me so vexed and angry at the Texas mess. Process is fine for systemic changes....developing long range goals and work plans, mission statements, and guiding philosophies....but not in the dealings of everyday people...families and children and daily life.
Sometimes we need to just stop in our tracks and take account. We need to check ourselves. Make sure our goals are what they should be and our path to achievement is the right one.
You can't do that 'check' while in motion.
Mistakes are what they are. And we all make them. For a variety of reasons. And mistakes can have devastating consequences.....both personally and societally....that is why it is so important to build into our 'systems', whether it's our personal operating system, or a larger societal 'system', a set of measurements and balances...and a 'process' for accountability...without that, we are in constant motion without knowing if we are accomplishing anything, much less our goals....
Texas seems to be in constant motion without any checks or balances. Operating willy nilly. Operating without dialogue or concensus, on anything...operating without goals...
Seems like Texas had one big. visceral reaction to something strange and unknown and painted in the colors of 'the enemy'....seems like Texas, perhaps unwittingly, allowed itself to become a tool for a few angry, disenfranchised, extremely goal oriented, individuals....

I don't blame these individuals. They are simply doing what they have deigned necessary to attain their goals....they are only as successful as those they connect with allow. Texas gave them, and continues to give them, a huge boost..... and that is really scary....It's one thing when individuals buy their books and wring their hands...it may not be right, but it doesn't have any direct impact on the FLDS, or whomever the target is.....but when an entire state government buys into their agenda, well, that's scary....people get hurt....
Individuals wringing their hands and feeding thier own personal lust for the sensational can't empower armies, they can't manipulate the laws, or make new laws based on expedience, they can't set agenda's for governmental bodies......but empowered individuals in government can....and in Texas they did. And, based on watching Texas, empowered individuals in other states are following suit.....and that scares me to death....

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ADMITTING TO MAKING A MISTAKE!!!!!!!!
No one can unring a bell. But if the bell is out of tune, you know it the minute the vclapper hits....so you don't ring it a second time...certainly not a third time....
You stop ringing the damn thing, you take it down, you take it apart, and you start over...you essentially make a new bell...you ring the new bell and if it is true, wonderful...but if it still sounds crappy, you start all over...again, and again....until you get it right, or until you decide you don't really need the bell...all of which is predicated on constant examination of your original purpose for having a bell.....was that purpose a necessity or a luxury???...was it a bell to warn of fire or a bell to simply please the ear????
Can the original need for the bell be met in some other way? Does the need still exist? Was there really a need? or just a desire?
Texas needs to take stock.....
What was their original need? Why was it determined to be a need? What was the foundation for determining need? Was that a solid foundation? Does the need still exist. What are alternatives for addressing the need? Have we elected the 'right' alternative? Why? Why not? Who are the stakeholders? Were all of the stakeholders at the table? How can we bring all of the stakeholders to the table?
Etc., etc., etc.........
Acknowledge the mistake and move forward...don't let ego and false pride get in the way of doing what is right...don't let it get in the way of efficacy....
With efficacy comes the claim to real pride...and that is always sweet.....to know when you look in the mirror that you have done good....

People I have come to know....not personally....but in other ways, very, very personally, are being hurt.....
And, they are being hurt by a process that can be super-imposed over any set of folks or circumstances...this is just a prototype....and that is not just frightening, but mind boggling.....this is something antithesis to everything this country stands for.....
I am hurting for those who are being hurt, and I am scared for myself and others yet to be targeted....
I am all sorts of upset.....
And frustrated...
and feeling terribly impotent.....
My instinct to nurture...to cradle the hurt person and give them a lollipop, and make things all better is kicking in and I know it is impossible.....
This is worse than watching your child go through growing pains....this is a Stephen King movie where the ending hasn't been written and Stephen King has died......

Me and God....I Think We May Have A Truce.....

2008-07-18T14:44:00.003-04:00

I've spent most of my life wrestling with religions.....or religious beliefs.....
Haven't found one, yet, that satisfies me...
I'm not even sure about the existance of God, or gods, or a higher power....
Maybe...maybe not...
I am sure there is a spiritual world....whether it is seperate from our known physical universe, or an alternate plain, I have no idea.....
What I am sure of are the concepts of good and evil, right and wrong, kind and mean....you get the idea....those precepts that distinguish us from all other animals......

If there is a God...and only one...then I think all the books....the bible, the koran, the talmud, the mormon scriptures, the sayings of confucious, etc. are divinely inspired....but they are written by humans.....they are guidance for living......they embody a living dynamic.......they are full of metaphors and parables and illustrations for living good, fufilling, decent lives.......

And if there is a God....and he/she is what all the major religions teach.....kind, loving, forgiving, understanding, patient, etc....then I think all the stories or wrathfullness and anger are just that...stories to scare...because humans learned, way back in the beginning, that fear is a powerful motivator......
It is only in recent times that we are beginning to learn that as powerful a motivator as fear is, it is also an extrodinarily damaging force...and it really doesn't work as well as we have historically believed....we are now learning that trust and kindness and egalitarianism go much further as forces of change than fear ever did.....

So...back to my struggle with religion....
I think I'm content with living as decent a life as I can, at any given moment in time....
I will always try to be fair. I will do as much as I can for others. I will give love with my whole heart, understanding that the heart has a boundless capacity to love. I will always try to be respectful, understanding that I will be more sucessful at times than others. I will try to not be mean. When I catch myself being mean, or mean-spirited, I will stop.....
And I will have faith, that if in the end, there is a God, He/She will judge me by my actions and forgive my transgressions....

In the meantime, I have another sick fish...who, if there is a God, is one of God's creatures...and it needs me to go medicate the water...I did manage to get him into a wading pool, out of the pond....so I can treat 75 gallons instead of 2,400....

Ah...............

Random Peeves

2008-07-18T11:54:00.002-04:00

Really smart people never have to tell you they are really smart. It kinda emanates from them.

It's the 'almost really smart' ones that tell you how smart they are. Just in case you miss it......

Humble people don't tell you they are humble...kinda creates an oxymoron.....or just plain moron......

Empowered mediocrity is probably the scariest aspect of the American condition

It makes me crazy when people say the their God is an "all loving" god.....and go on to tell you that if you don't believe in Him, He's going to bannish you to hell for all eternity.....

If I had Matching Tupperware......(and pigs could fly)

2008-07-16T14:18:00.002-04:00

I've always secretly known that the clue(s) to living well were in the tupperware....
well, not IN the tupperware...but your tupperware was a true indicator about your life.....

I've always thought that if only I had matching tupperware, everything else would have order and sensibility, as well.....thing is, I have NEVER had matching tupperware......I buy my tupperware at yard sales and the Salvation Army....I just can't bring myself to pay five dollars for a plastic container that a clean cottage cheese container would serve the same purpose as.....

I'm betting that the people who have matching tupperware are also the people who can keep a white shirt clean while eating ice cream or pasta....
They can shop at JC Penny's and be 'okay' with it......I bet if their tupperware matches, so do their towels....my towels sorta match....I have at least a half dozen that say "Hilton" on the tags...and another three or four that say "Raddisson".....and I have a bunch of beigy type ones from the Hershey area......
People with matching tupperware are the type that can just 'swoop' their hair up and it looks great....I really hate that type....they're the same ones who can wear cheap jewelry and it doesn't look cheap....and the heels of their shoes never get run down looking......

So, my life is going to forever be chaotic....and unpredictable........and messy.......

I Hate Neon Signs.......

2008-07-08T15:29:00.002-04:00

I now know that the kid who works in the UPS store has a mother with a gambling problem, a sister who is a floozie, neighbors who party a bit too hardy, and a Dr.'s appointment next week to discuss gastric bypass surgery. I don't know his name, but I know his weight, height, age, and blood type.
I swear, I have a neon sign hanging over my head that says "sappy sucker", or perhaps, "schmuck who is too polite to tell you to buzz off".
It happens to me all the time. Grocery store lines are the worst. I'll do almost anything to avoid grocery store lines. I'll go shopping at 7 A.M. or 11 P.M. to avoid lines. They find me in lines....I try to let them go ahead of me. I try asking them to 'watch my cart' while I run for something forgotten. Nothing helps.....they tell me their life story. Or the story of the rotten daughter-in-law, or the awful teacher....
I once ended up driving a man, his wife, his sister-in-law, his mother, and one of his sons from Elmira to Scranton because we were both in line together at Sears. I stopped at Sears on my way out of Elmira, headed home, because tires were on sale, it was winter, and I needed tires, so it seemed like a good idea to get them before getting on the highway. The man and his family were in front of me in line, but there were several others in front of them....plenty of time to chit chat with the lady with the neon sign.....well, my new found 'friend' came up to his turn and it turned out his car was fatally flawed....undrivable....and it was a Sunday morning...he and his family had been to see Niagra Falls while his mother was in this country visiting...and they were on their way home to Scranton....a town I just happen to have to pass through on my way from Elmira to Stroudsburg. So now that the Mr. and I are best friends....what can I do but offer to take them home?????
That was the worst ride of my life. I'm a smoker. He's a doctor. (actually it turned out he is a cardio-vascualr surgeon) Couldn't smoke. The family was from India. Now I don't think I have any particular biases against folks from India. It just happens to be a reality of life that our bodies often give off an odor from spices in our diets. Their diet has plenty of curry in it....so in a closed up car the odor became pretty pervasive.
Now they are also a culture where the men take the lead....the women tend to be retiring in the presense of men. So the Mr. felt like he had to keep up a conversation with me for the entire 100 miles.....
When we arrived at their home they insisted that I come in for a 'light refreshment'. There was no way I could say 'no'....they were such nice people and they genuinely wanted to be nice as a 'thank-you'. Before I left the wife brought me the most beautiful silver bowl....it was truly lovely. And I have it to this day....
But the fucking sign...it's gotta go....it's just that every time I try to find the damn thing, it disappears.....I know it's there....
I mean I'm now obligated, for the rest of my life, everytime I go to the UPS store, to inquire after this kid, his health, and his family.....
Ggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....................................................

Even Mastercard Can't Buy Class.....

2008-07-04T09:37:00.002-04:00

Maybe I'm a bit strange in my ideas, but somewhere along the way of life I started believing that real "class" is integrally connected to things like kindness and caring and good intuition about people's needs.....
Knowing when not to wear patent leather, and what 'winter white' is, or how to arrange flowers may be telltale signs of a somewhat dated social status, and I suppose, to some degree the kinds of 'people skills' I think of as 'classy' came hand in hand with those old money mores, but their transference to the newer generations have gotten lost in the mix.....
Enough new money to allow fringe mixing with old money will buy you access to mannerisms and rules of etiquette....but it won't buy you those deeply embedded social skills about how to treat others....new money breeds such an insidious, deep level of elitism that there is no room left for a fundamental understanding of social obligation and true gentile behavior.

On the other hand, there are folks out there with a seeming innate understanding of the subtleties of the human dynamic that don't have a pot to piss in.....
We've all met these folks. They're the ones who quietly lend a hand, or an ear, or a few dollars, without being asked. They're the ones who always tell you that you look wonderful. They're the ones who tell you they are so glad to know you. They're the ones who quietly help you see the cup as half full. They're the ones that never, ever vomit their own woes all over you. They are the ones who never eat in front of others without offering to share....sometimes insisting on it....they can stretch a meal to no end to make sure everyone there shares in the repast....
They know when a hug is needed, or just a smile....They're the ones who can give your hand that quick squeeze that says so very much.....
and there is no money in the world that can buy what these folks have....no money can make you the kind of person that makes everyone feel comfortable......
I have a neighbor who is one of these folks...actually I have a neighbor on either side of me that are both the most wonderful, kind, nice people you could ever want to know...both of them quirky....but both of the kind, warm, funny, decent, ethical folks....
And then I have another neighbor...
Lives a few doors up the street....
daughter of a judge, wife of an atty....mother of a monster child...
She has quite a bit of money....I don't know if she is 'rich', but they aren't hurting.....they just put an addition on their house that cost them in excess of 500K.....and she has very good taste...the house has been restored to it's original victorian charm, and the addition is completely consistent with the period, including the materials used...landscaping is impeccable....and I'm sure she is a major shareholder in Abercrombie as well as LL Bean......and I'm not sure if Ann Taylor and Jones NY carry large women's sizes, but if they do, she's got stock in them, as well....
Know the type????.....votes for most liberal causes...sits on the hospital board....does the MDA telethon....drives a Volvo....deadheads her flowers religiously.....and she is niiiiiiiiiiiiiice....sickeningly niiiiiiiiiiiiice....'cept with me...she won't make eye contact with me.....I once told her that her husband didn't know his ass from his elbow about good practices for children....and offered to teach him....ohmygod, I thought she'd have a cannary right there, on the spot....on the other hand, I was being sincere...her husband is often appointed GAL for local kids and I want him to be good at what he does....for the sake of the kids.....

Anyway....back to the bitch....she approached my super wonderful neighbor the other night and said...."I know you and your daughter are less fortunate than David and I. I wanted to let you know I'm having a tag sale on Friday and I thought if you wanted to make a few extra dollars you could set up a table in my yard and avoid having to pay for a permit."........well.........
When Rosie told me this I wanted to spit....puke...rip her head from her shoulders....I really wanted to throttle the bitch.....
And I know she thought she was being sensitive and kind.....she has no idea she is the most condescending, elitist bitch walking.....and she was insulting to one of the nicest people I've ever known.....

I don't know what yet, but I'm going to think of something really, really awful to do to her....something that will both humiliate and humble her......it'll come to me...I know it will....
'Cause I ain't got no class....and I don't give a hoot!!!!!!!

The Great Fish Saga Moves Forward....

2008-07-01T19:56:00.004-04:00

Well....Yesterday I dosed the pond for the second time with the medication we recieved...it's called "Fungus Eliminator" and it's put out by a company called "Jungle"....

at sixty dollars for 34 dry ounces, plus nineteen for shipping, this stuff better work!!!!!!

I must say, all the fish look better...we did lose one little guy....but he was a runt...sorta malformed...all last year we kept expecting him to go belly-up...never did...till this mess got him....
He's now making a beautiful patch of lillies very happy, and healthy, I hope...

It turned out we had white/grey fungus, cotto fungus, hemorrhagic septicemia. fin rot, tail rot, several open bacterial lesions, and bladder disease....all going at once...not every fish had/has every problem, and all of them are improving...'cept the dead one....
But we had to drop the water volume by half....we have about a 2400 gal pond....we actually measured it for this medication....but because it is so expensive we halved the water....then did a 25% exchange....treated the water...waited four days, did another 25% exchange and retreated it....
Everyone's color is getting closer to normal....everyone has a voracious appetite....Big Blue is again eating from my hand....
No one is swimming upside down.....
Friday we're going to add a couple hundred gals of fresh water and put some plants back and see how things go....

Tai is arriving on Thurs. night so......Lord!....I hope things are more 'normal' this visit...

Josh and David have both been home since last Thurs......they both, along with Big Mike, got caught climbing without using their safety lines....so they are laid off till next week...and I'm close to homicidal.....
Can you imagine????....500+ feet up a tower without a safety line??????......it's one of those things a mother should never know about!!!!!
This is one Josh sent to my phone the first time he climbed....I was in the middle of a meeting and I let out some very strange noise when I looked at my phone.....where before that I was being relatively ignored, that got everyone's attention, in a hurry....I walked away with the store, that day....I think they all felt sorry for me.....

Tomorrow night I'm going out to dinner!!!!!.....I almost never go out, 'cept when I'm traveling for my job...but tomorrow is my neighbor's fiftieth b'day and another friend and I are taking her out!!!!....Whoopee!!!!.....in all my years I've never been out on a "girl's night out'...always struck me as kind of hokey...but I'm really looking forward to it...we're going to a local place...The Willow Tree...named for a huge old weeping willow out behind the place...which is in an old victorian home...overlooking McMichael's Creek...we're going to sit outside on the deck over the creek and drink and eat and be completely silly.....

And this would be my friend Sherri......the one who is joining me in taking Rosemary out....we've also asked Ryan to join us...Ryan is one of Sherri's 'adoptees'...she is also a collector of lost boys and needy folk.....and Ryan is great company....so we're making him an honorary 'one of the girls' for the evening....

So.....all is well in life....the fish are mending...I'm going out.....the days are warm....

Ahhhhhhhhhh..................

Dying fish, upset children....

2008-06-25T18:42:00.003-04:00

Well, I'm in that rut, again....

Wanting to write something profound and all I can think of is talking about my fish dying....

We had bought a large, pretty, orange and white koi a few weeks ago....along with three smaller butterfly koi.....

Turns out that the big girl wasn't all too healthy....

Despite lots of effort and much money on medications, she died on Monday afternoon....

And, as it now turns out, half our fish are sick....with several fungal and bacterial infections....

So today was spent draining about a third of the pond's water, removing all the plants...replacing a couple of hundred gallons along with aloe and stuff to dechlorinate the new water...

Tomorrow we will get medication that is being UPS'd to us and start treating the entire pond.....

Hopefully we won't lose anymore fish....

I know it sounds silly, but I have grown quite attached to some of them....one of the blue shebunkins regularly comes and eats from my hand....

Anyway, I'm feeling kinda sad....

Laurie, my favorite daughter-in-law stopped by with Ethan this afternoon....right in the middle of the pond draining mess....and Ethan promptly picked up Dusty, my 19 yr. old cat, by the throat....poor cat...he's so old and frail he couldn't even muster the strength to scratch or object...he just sorta hung there, captive to a two year old.....and I yelled at him....porr baby...he had no idea that he was hurting the cat.....or that Nana can turn into a monster...now he knows....many tears later....

Then Laurie was bitching about Mike....and me, always wanting to balance things, I pointed out a couple of Laurie's areas of issue....like nit picking about money to the point that Mike is less than candid with her....Oh Lord!!!....wrong thing to tell Laurie....she left here in tears, threatening suicide, homicide, general genocide of all things male, except Ethan....

On the lighter side....Becka had two seizures on Sat. morning and we immediately started her on the valium protocol and it worked!!!!!!....she was stoned out of her gourd for three days but no more seizures!!!!....it broke the cluster!!!!

Well, gotta go fix something for supper.....

NOT fish!!!!!!!

Better picture of Tai.....

2008-06-24T17:25:00.000-04:00

I took this when Tai was visiting....
I like this one so much more than the more "contrived" ones Josh has taken...
she really is an extrodinarily pretty young woman.....
She's coming to visit again on the 4th of July....Maybe we'll both be a little less nervous and a little less judgmental!!!!
We'll see...
I really want to like her...hell, anyone who can keep Josh from drinking is "A" okay in my book!!!!!

Our new "Post Racism" political world

2008-06-24T10:53:00.003-04:00

I don’t know if you’d call it racism, or not, but the ‘issue’ of race in this election has never been so apparent, at least to me, as when all of the brou-ha-ha over the guest priest at Obama’s church broke out.

I’m white, female, middle-class, reasonably educated, and I thought the man was funny as hell. I also thought the newscasters and pundits were out of their minds making such a fuss over it….And when Obama was put into the awful position of having to denounce the man, I abjectly realized how far apart we still are concerning ‘color’ in our society.

Obama got it….the humor….and he also ‘got it’ that the man was making commentary about global attitudes and not Hillary, specifically…it was ‘black-inside-humor’…not intended for the uninitiated….yet he had to pretend it was something it wasn’t….and denounce what he had to pretend it was…what a load of crap that is…but it is the reality of being ‘post racism’…..

Clearly most journalist’s and newscaster’s sense of humor is ‘pigment challenged’. And those who are themselves persons of color, get caught in this horrible web of having to pretend to be ‘pigment challenged’ because it just isn’t politically correct, or economically safe, to be too ‘black’…….
So we all pretend….and in the meantime, a good man, who has a very funny, George Carlinesque, sense of humor, got hurt by the reality of our ‘post racism’ world….Which, from my perspective, is still dominated by the accents, speech patterns, mores, and yes, sense of humor, of the wonder-bread class…..

Potential Daughter-in-Law???....or Another Barbie????

2008-05-24T11:40:00.004-04:00

Well...he brought her home....Josh....brought his girl-friend from Florida home...Wow!!!
We finally got to meet the famous Tai....
From my perspective, the jury is still out...and may stay out for awhile...
I mean she seems nice enough...and she's very pretty...her pics do not do her justice...
but there is somthing not sitting right with me...maybe it's that she was nervous....or maybe she just has never had the opportunity to learn good manners...
And god knows I'm a stickler for manners....
And there was very subtle, but oh so definite, clinginess to Josh....
But it's the rudeness I can't abide.....she just gets up and walks away if she doesn't like what is being said...just up and goes...not a how-di-doo..not a fuck you all to hell...nothing....
And I had cooked all sorts of healthy foods and cleaned and yada, yada...and not a thank you to be had...from either one of them....
Portabella mushrooms stuffed with sweet onions, roasted red peppers and topped with smoked edam cheese
Baby spinach salad, black olives, freshly grated parmesean and fresh mozarella cheese
kabobs with fresh tuna, peppers, red onions, cherry tomatoes..
Pasta salad with large shrimp, black olives, and brocolli
potatoe salad
all sorts of tappas...
seven layer dip with fancy tortilla chips...
veggie platter with dip.....
two different kinds of hummus....

Anyway....I'm not sure...then there was this morning's 'bit'....Josh and Tai had planned a day trip to the Bronx Zoo......wonderful!!!....and I didn't think twice about it...till Josh called and asked David if he wanted to go....I was still on the downstairs extension so I said "I want to go"....I guess Josh was on speaker phone on his end...I could hear Tai in the background saying, quietly...'no, no, no...'...so Josh says it's a trip for under-thirty folks, only....

Oh well....Laurie and Mike asked me to join them taking Ethan to a local restoration farm for "Baby Animal Day"....I might do that....I never, ever go anywhere...Fred never wants to go...and I defer to him because I don't want to go places alone...
We used to take day trips all of the time...but now we have the dogs on this horrible schedule...and no one to fill in for us because Jake is so vicious...David is the only other person besides Fred and I who can handle him....

We have to find a really good animal behaviorist to help us. We are both good with training dogs...but Jake is beyond us...he's a story for another time...like so many...but suffice it to say that Aussie Rescue did a really poor job assessing him before allowing him to be adopted....
So we feel stuck...no one else could take him as he is...and we both love him...he's bright and smart and really loving to Fred and I...but he'll eat anything else alive...people, other dogs, cats....
So he lives in his crate a big part of the day...he can only be out alone..and even then, unless one of us is right there with him, he's muzzled....

So...can't go anywhere for more than one or two hours at a time....unless I go alone...

Well...this has been quite the self-pity party...better end this before I go whole-hog into feeling sorry for myself...

Family Group Decision Making

2008-05-20T17:12:00.002-04:00

FGDM is really important stuff...it is one of the only ways to assure a viable, authentic voice for parents ensnared in this web.....
Every atty should be asking for this...I read somewhere that a "permanancy plan and review" has to be held within the first 45 days of placement...so folks should be asking for this and documenting their request....
well, I'm trying to figure out how to embed a link in a blog post....
Someday.....but maybe not today, I'm going to get good at this blogging stuff....

Having One's Identity Challenged Is Tough

2008-05-19T13:48:00.002-04:00

Some twit, on some blog, keeps asserting that I don't know what I am saying and that I am, at best, a rookie.....
She doesn't use those descriptors, but that's what she implies....She challenges me in very dismissive and demeaning ways.....And I bite....
I get pissed, and defensive...and I know I shouldn't.....
Thing is, I'm really good at what I do....one of the best.....
Hell, there are so many things I can't do...that I wish I could do...so many things I've tried and failed at...or had only marginal success....but family advocacy is my baliwick...I am good at it!
I know the laws and regulations and people involved....I spend lots of energy clearing away the 'ca-ca' and finding the crux of issues...I see the big picture....I see how the parts fit....
And I present good, solid reasoning 'at the table'.....

I know my ego isn't so fragile that I should take an attack from some venemous, anonymous blogger seriously.....so why do I feel so defensive??????....why do I feel some compelling reason to justify who I am, what I do, and that I do it well to a group of people I do not know, have nothing to do with me personally, or professionally, and don't give a tinker's damn about any of this crap?????

I think I am getting too, too upset about all that is happening in Texas and with the FLDS, in general....My heart is being torn over a group of people three thousand miles from here and there are plenty of folks in my own backyard who need my energies.....

I get on the blogs and phrases come to mind like "We're not in Kansas, anymore..."
The one thing it has done is help me put in perspective, once again, how much better Pa. is than a great number of other places....Lord knows we have our problems.....we have a long way to go...but we are moving in the right direction...sometimes the 'crisis of the moment' makes one forget how far we've come....but this Texas mess brings it home!!!!!!!!

It's scary to think that there are folks who actually believe what they are doing is a good thing....
I can't believe that the bureaucrats involved in the Texas mess deliberately want to hurt people...I believe they believe what they are doing is right....but how scary is that??????? How totally screwed up and damaged is the thinking of a group of people empowered to ruin lives???????????

I wonder if anyone ever reads these posts????

2008-05-18T17:34:00.004-04:00

I just did a google search for "Just Ducky"...got all sorts of hits...except this blog wasn't one of them...
There's another blog on this site with the same name...that one came up on the search...but not mine!
I'm feeling cheated, left out, violated....it's just not fair....and I've been on this site longer than she has...and I'm older......

The fact that I'm even writing this shit goes to the fact that I know that this is an undiscovered blog....'cause I sure as hell would not admit to being so petty to the masses.....
Anyway, it's cold, rainy, miserable....and Josh and David just left to go see "Narnia"...and I was planning a nice supper....oh well...they'll eat when they come home...or not...and they'll both be gone when I get up in the morning....and none of it will have mattered......

Kissin' Cousins Ain't All That Uncommon

2008-05-18T11:30:00.004-04:00

When I moved to this town in 1985, there was a countywide population of about 45,000. Now the population in the county is pushing a quarter of a million...yes, we've had a bit of growth....
But what I wanted to talk about is from 'back when'...
When the county was smaller, which it was until recent years, there were a handful of "old" county names...
And everyone knew everyone....and the old timers could tell you who had married whom...who was a newcomer (hadn't been here for five or six generations), why some married others....etc.
There were the Kresgees and the Countermans, and the Eckes, and the Aces....and the Werkheisers, and the Greys......and the LaBars and the Worthingtons....and so on.....
And some were from the West End, and some were from 'up on the mountain'.....and if a person was trashy or stupid, or better yet, stupid and trashy, they were called "cunnermans"...or a "Cunner" or "Cutter"...all derivations of "Counterman".....story had it that the original Countermans were a bit of a 'hoity-toity' family....and Papa Counterman didn't want his large brood mingling with the locals...or at least not many of them...so much so that inbreeding and incest were preferable to consorting with anyone of 'lower standing'....well, as the story has it, the gene pool was quickly corrupted and the mean I.Q. of the Countermans diminished exponentially..... hence the negative nickname(s)
The businesses had the names of the families and it was common to hear stories of marriages that were arranged to enhance business interests or land acquisition....
Anyway, y'all get my drift....
Thing is, these folks were almost all Lutherans and Methodists.....a few Presbyterians were thrown in...and Stroudsburg has a beautiful old Episcopal Church.....
None of them were Mormons...or Latter Day Saints....or FLDS.....hell, the area's only LDS meeting house was built just a few years ago, after the population explosion was well underway.....

Benefits of Some Folks Going to Church

2008-05-18T10:06:00.003-04:00

1. If you get your butt up early enough on a Sunday morning you can go to the dreaded WalMart without crowds! If you wait till after 11, you're screwed!

2. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....Not sure if there is a number 2. On the other hand, number 1. is benefit enough for me to heartily push church attendance...for everyone else....

So When is Brilliance Gonna Hit????

2008-05-17T19:02:00.005-04:00

I keep wanting to write something profound. Something meaningful. Something truly brilliant.
Then I sit here and start writing....about the most profound thing that comes to mind is how unprofound I have become.
Is it part of middle age that causes things to lose their intensity?
Part of my brain remembers life as full of sharp, poignant, intense feelings. About almost everything....Especially around 2-3 A.M. The demons of the night were regular visitors to my psyche....now I want to be asleep, sound asleep, at 2-3 A.M.....and about two hours before that, and for several hours after that.....don't mess with my sleep!!!!!
There was a time, when several of the boys were partying alot, and carousing more than they should, that I dreaded going to sleep at night...because I knew, sooner or later, the phone was going to ring....if it was a collect call I was okay...I knew that one, or more, of them was in the drunk tank for something stupid....but every now and then it was the police or the hospital...and my heart would wrench and fear would take over me...all in an instant....then, thank the gods....whomever it was would tell me one of them had done something stupid and would I come get whomever it was.....
The last few times that happened I said "NO. I'll get so 'n so in the morning." Poor David, he was the last...he really got short shifted in the 'compassion from Mom' department....the older ones had used it all up....
This past Christmas a bunch of them all got picked up for public intoxication at once...I think it was six of them.....and no one called me...it was so weird....sometime in the morning I realized that the house was quiet...just the two grand daughters running around...Christine, my daughter-in-law, was still asleep...but none of the 'boys' were around...I thought that they had ended up at some party and stayed rather than drive intoxicated...Stupid me!!!
Sometime around 11 that morning I had a call from one of their friends and she asked me if I was going to go out to Snydersville.....even then it didn't hit me...(Snydersville is where our local jail is)....so I asked "What for?"...it was then that the friend said they were all in jail!!!!
At least they have finally figured out that it is not a good idea to call me about bull shit....
We had to go in two cars to get them......and I lectured the entire ride home.....that was fun....

I deal with the 'profound' all the time....lives torn apart by a public service system that is broken....kids being abused by a public education system ill equipped to handle youngsters with challenges...families at the end of their rope.....
I guess my brain just turns to mush when the life drama takes a break....

I found my way onto someone's blog earlier today...you know how one thing leads to another...This was a name I didn't recognize on a blog I often post to...so I clicked, and clicked, and before you knew it, I was reading his blog entries from ten years ago....he had three of his four children die, all in unrelated events, over a three year period...it was horrific...and I found myself sitting here, crying and crying...such a rush of forlorn, abject sadness....not just for the man whose life I had been peeking into...but for everything...my losses....the losses of people I don't know....for all the "if only's"...and "I wish...".......
Guess that will teach me about wandering around cyberspace being a voyeur.....well, it should teach me...but it probably won't....

Buhda Comes Home

2008-05-17T12:29:00.006-04:00

365 lbs of Buhda finally came home to the pond....

I fell in love with this wonderful Buhda a couple of years ago when I saw him at Ridgley's garden center...but he was almost 600.00.....way beyond anything I could spend on pond decor!!!!!

But, from time to time I would go visit him...rub his head....and belly.......and wish...

I think Ridgley felt sorry for me when I made my first pilgrimidge this year.....he offerred him to me 'at cost'...which turned out to be a whopping 280.00....but how could I refuse?????

So Buhda came home.....

He will gaurd the pond with his spirit...he will bring tranquility and calm.....the fish will flourish, the flowers will grow...the racoons will stay away!!!

Did I tell you we had a racoon a couple of nights ago???

Little shit ate two or three fish, tumbled several big rocks to the bottom....

Anyway, went and got a 'friendly trap' and caught the sucker...took all of about five minutes...relocated him about 10 miles away behind the Cherry Valley Methodist Church.....everyone keeps telling me he'll be back.....

Here he sits.......when I thought he was cute, before he ate my fish!!!

And then......HA!!!

Believe me, he was less than a happy camper!!!!

Josh's girlfriend, Tai, is coming to visit next weekend...gotta get the pond, yard, house...all looking spiffy...We've never met this girl, but from what we can tell, she's a keeper!!!!

I hope she likes Buhda.........

2008-05-10T09:52:00.004-04:00

Then there were ...hmmm....I've lost count.....

I haven't told you about my children...I guess because I don't know where to start...

There is no logical place to begin. I'm not even sure how many. I mean, I know how many I biologically produced. But we long ago decided biology doesn't count, in this family, anyway...

We have in total, today;

Rob...Robert...

John

Big Mike

Jason/Doggy

Little Mike

Andre

Josh

Ollie

Brian

Kirkhuff

David

and there are others, from time to time....but these are the 'always' crowd....

Rob will be 38 this summer. David just turned 22. It doesn't seem possible....That I am a grandmother overwhelms me.

That I am a grandmother several times over is unbelievable;

Sky

Amber

Caleigh

Ian

Mimi

Ethan

They talk about 'the lost boys' with the FLDS...well, folks don't have a clue...some of my boys really were lost. Biological families that just don't give a crap....When they found their way here they had no where to live...no one to love them, unconditionally....no base...no foundation...no roots....

Now that isn't true for all of them. Some have wonderful families. Families that did care, do care, and will always care. But for some period of time their child needed a break...or the parent(s) needed a break. My Josh left a couple of times and moved in with my friends, Vicki and Hilton. They love him every bit as much as I do. He is every bit as much a part of their family as ours.

And Josh was 'adopted' by Andrea....Andrea is Josh's mother as much as if she gave birth to him. He never moved in with her....but she cared for him, nurtured him, loves him....and she did this at times when I was in horrible battle with him....so fortunately for Josh, he has always had someone in his life who has loved him totally unconditionally....if not always the same person...*smile*...I mean I have always, and will alway love him....but Josh tests the limits of one's abilities, sometimes...

One day, when I get the hang of this blogging thing...I'll tell you about each of them...they have wonderful stories....they are all spectacular young men!!!!!

2008-05-09T18:37:00.005-04:00

Ponds, Frogs, and Other Wildlife.....

So much work....such satisfaction....we 'built' our pond over the course of two summers and now we are adding all sorts of plants....

Last year, when we first filled it, we put in a couple dozen tiny, little 'feeder' gold fish...well, first thing that happened was that the pumped sucked up half of them and created fishburger...so we bought more, and put a net over the impeller of the pump...

We now have about twenty gorgeous gold fish...they all survived the winter...some are gold comets, several turned out to be beautifl sarasas...and we have two shebunkins....those we bought seperately....

We live in the middle of town, so imagine our surprise to find this mallard pair swimming on the pond a couple of weeks ago....they have since been almost daily visitors...(maybe because I feed 'em?)

The pond is truly wonderful...we have the fish and the ducks...and lots of frogs....the water falls creates just enough sound to make one feel like one is alone in the world and not surrounded by town noises....

We have several hardy water lillies coming up...they haven't broken the surface, yet...but any day now.....

Well, I uploaded the wrong picture and I have no idea how to remove it....
Some day...probably in another incarnation, I'm going to be really good at computer technology....
but for now....
This will just have to do....

2008-05-09T14:46:00.003-04:00

I just spent some time looking at pictures and video clips from the FLDS...
What beautiful children thy have!!!!
Fresh foods, fresh air....they are the picture of good health....then I read about this Furamase Defficiency disorder that runs through their community......
I guess it's not terribly different than sickle-cell or tay-sachs....but with those geneic mutations, couples who fall into the risk categories go for testing and if they both carry the gene, they don't procreate....
Anyway, it's scary...if I thought there was a strong possibility I could have a child with this disorder, I sure as hell would make sure my partner and I did everything possible to make sure I didn't get pregnant!!!!
I can't imagine consciously having a baby that is going to be retarded, have a major seizure problem, possibly microenceohaly, and probably die young...along with all sorts of other problems!!!!!!!
I am totally "taken" by this FLDS culture...I have no idea why...someone suggested it is my ancestors in heaven, working through me, to reunite our family.....apparently I have some familial linkages back to one of Joseph Smith's wives...
I think it's just because I would like a few 'sister wives'...hell, it would have surely come in handy raising the kids....and my house would be a heck of a lot cleaner...
I'm all for modest dress.....many say I am a throw back to the 1940's in 'my' style...or lack thereof....but I don't think I could ever do the prarie dress stuff or the strange underwear....no, no, no....not for me....
And the almost worship kind of way they treat their husbands...I don't think so....I couldn't bring myself to do it...no matter how hard I tried....
But the pain of having their kids taken..ohmygod I can't imagine....
It was absolutely horrific what I went through fighting with Danny over david....but to have the police, or CPS come in and take your child....to be so powerless.....unreal...

2008-05-08T14:19:00.004-04:00

Well, I haven't been around this blog for a very long time...seems about right to start up, again.....

Becka is off to the vet being spayed today....

They just called me to say she is fine...I was so, so worried...

She's had a very serious seizure disorder for the last two years, now...we had to stop showing her...couldn't breed her...and couldn't keep the seizures under control for more than a month or two at a time...so spaying was risky...but we're hoping that by stabilizing her hormones, we may diminish the number of clusters she has.....

She's such a mush dog...my baby....

we're doing all sorts of work in our back yard so we have piles of dirt all over....Beck has found that she really likes lounging in the dirt piles...

mimi, my grandaughter is almost four now...she was here with her family over the holidays....I am totally in love with her....she is so bright and pretty and completely unselfconscious....

I think I'm going to spend a bit of time trying to figure out how to actually do this blog thing well....

2006-06-07T13:22:00.000-04:00

it's rainy and cold, today. i just can't seem to get focused. so i'll spend lots of time playing solitaire and feeling guilty.
in between i'll do some laundry...the dishes, pick up 'stuff'....gotta asuage the guilt....
we're going out to dinner, tonight. our local mental health agency is picking up the tab for a group of us who were "readers/raters" for a huge rfp(request for proposal)....one to select a managed care organization for our three county joinder for mental health and behavioral health services. i was one of the readers...we get to take our spouses/significant others/concubines/whatevers with us. nice.
fred will go. he won't say anything if he doesn't have to. he'll look very nice if he doesn't show his teeth. poverty does not bode well for aging teeth. his plate is broken and no longer fits properly so his teeth are all out of line. he's super self conscious about it.
fred also feels super weird in groups of folks from mental health. he has bi-polar disorder but is a victim of self-stigmatizing and so doesn't want any association with things that remind him that he has flaws.....

i have to get one of the kids to come stay at the house while we go out. it's too soon to leave becka unattended. she'll be in her crate, but still, i'm nervous.
clair, our vet, gave me syringes of liquid valium to give her rectally if she goes into a seizure. if no one is here...well....gotta keep becka well...gotta....
maybe david will come over. he can veg for awhile and lord knows, he owes me.....

2006-06-07T11:42:00.000-04:00

Becka....

Champion Sherwood's Rah-Becka
Becka is the most beautiful hound one could ever want. And what a personality! Despite the reputation English Foxhounds have for being aloof, Becka is a true "mush" dog. She was raised with Golden Retrievers and no one has told her she isn't a Golden....
Bec is almost four years old. She's been very, very healthy all of her life.
All of a sudden on Monday of Memorial Day weekend, she started having a cluster of grand mal seizures....
Scared the bejesus out of us...
It has taken almost two weeks to get them under control....
Two weeks ago Maggie, our 12 yr. old Golden died, quite suddenly....the thought of having to put Becka down was just devastating....but so far, so good....no seizures in a week, today.....

2006-06-07T07:10:00.000-04:00

Mimi and Nana
This is my darling.....my son Michael's two year old. The light of my life!
I'm just learning this "blog" thing so posting a picture of me and my grandchild seems a good way to start.....